


The Highway To Hell Is Covered In Snow

by Doctor Stupid (Mandy_Rose)



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Brotherly!Rin, Butterfly Effect, Dark, Dark!Yukio, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fic Graveyard, Horror, I'm Sorry, I'm bad at writing horror, I'm not changing it, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Explicit Sex, Not A Fix-It, Not a Love Story, Possessive!Yukio, Psychological Torture, Slight horror, Telling you that up front, Time Skips, Yandere, but not about the formatting, this isn't a fun story, this isn't a kinky story, turn around and go back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:57:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 60,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22338142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandy_Rose/pseuds/Doctor%20Stupid
Summary: They were all wrong. He had them, And he hadn't taken to them well. Rin had always thought that the night he had first drawn Kirikara was a shit show of its own caliber; something he could very easily claim to be the worst night of his life. Then Yukio burst into flames. He hadn’t taken it well. True Cross had, perhaps, taken it worse. In the heat of the moment, Rin had done something stupid, again, and the rest of the world ended up paying for it.Despite everything that had happened to him, there are two things that Rin would never, ever, allow himself to regret.This first was drawing Kurikara to escape the Gehenna gate.The second was telling Yukio how much he loved him.Apocalyptic fic. Huge Canon divergence. Takes place 5 years in the future, but there is a mix of canon and AU elements.
Relationships: Okumura Rin/Okumura Yukio
Comments: 32
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to one of my precious graveyard fics! Recently I have realized that I am sitting on probably about 500,000+ words of fanfiction that I always someday THOUGHT of posting... but, you see, I ahve this horrible habit of never actually finishing anything that I start to write. Literally I have written dozens upon dozens of stories (fanfiction and original) and I a solid ending to ONE of them. :)   
> So, I've decided that fuck it, I'm going to post what I want to and maybe, just maybe, I'll actually get the will to continue writing some of these fics. This particular one is actually the most recently written of everything I plan on posting- since I was working on it just a few weeks ago. So here it is! :))
> 
> Notes:  
> \- I know there are many KINKY stories with a similar premise to this-- this story is NOT ONE OF THEM. This was designed to be a psychological thriller/horror, unfortunately, I am absolutely horrible at actually writing horror so it's creepy at best. Just so you know there is some fucked up shit in here, so back off if you're looking for one of the kinky stories.  
> \- The formatting is designed in the way actually novels are formatted, y'know, to save paper for print. I am not going through and reformatting my stories to better suit Ao3. Sorry. (HTML doesn't copy my bolding and italics, but rich text doesn't allow me to indent. I hate this. If anyone knows how to properly upload I'd appreciate it.)  
> \- This is not Beta read. In fact, nothing I have ever written is Beta read. This happens to be one of my more edited stories- but it's probably still STEAMING with typos and grammatical errors. If anyone is actually interested in editing it, you are most welcome. :)  
> \- Because this is my most recent story and the one I am most likely to continue writing chapters for, it is not available for adoption like the other stories I will be posting.
> 
> Upload schedule- 3 chapters every Friday until I run out.
> 
> Thanks. I won't bother you guys with long author notes anymore. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Welcome to one of my precious graveyard fics! Recently I have realized that I am sitting on probably about 500,000+ words of fanfiction that I always someday THOUGHT of posting... but, you see, I ahve this horrible habit of never actually finishing anything that I start to write. Literally I have written dozens upon dozens of stories (fanfiction and original) and I a solid ending to ONE of them. :)  
> So, I've decided that fuck it, I'm going to post what I want to and maybe, just maybe, I'll actually get the will to continue writing some of these fics. This particular one is actually the most recently written of everything I plan on posting- since I was working on it just a few weeks ago. So here it is! :))
> 
> Notes:  
> \- I know there are many KINKY stories with a similar premise to this-- this story is NOT ONE OF THEM. This was designed to be a psychological thriller/horror, unfortunately, I am absolutely horrible at actually writing horror so it's creepy at best. Just so you know there is some fucked up shit in here, so back off if you're looking for one of the kinky stories.  
> \- The formatting is designed in the way actually novels are formatted, y'know, to save paper for print. I am not going through and reformatting my stories to better suit Ao3. Sorry. (HTML doesn't copy my bolding and italics, but rich text doesn't allow me to indent. I hate this. If anyone knows how to properly upload I'd appreciate it.)  
> \- This is not Beta read. In fact, nothing I have ever written is Beta read. This happens to be one of my more edited stories- but it's probably still STEAMING with typos and grammatical errors. If anyone is actually interested in editing it, you are most welcome. :)  
> \- Because this is my most recent story and the one I am most likely to continue writing chapters for, it is not available for adoption like the other stories I will be posting.
> 
> Upload schedule- 2 chapters every Friday until I run out (as of posting there are 13.)  
> Thanks. I won't bother you guys with long author notes anymore. :)

Rin had done something stupid. Again. Yukio had always been pestering him about that, his ability to make everything worse by doing the dumbest things. Rin never really cared because, in the end, things always turned out alright. Maybe he’d be banged up or maybe somebody would be in need of a new roof, but what cost was that compared to a life?

And, right now, the current price was the life most important to him.

And, right now, Yukio _wasn't here_ to tell him he was being stupid.

Rin had ignored the offers to help him. He turned away Shura and Shiemi and Bon and all the others who he called his dear, dear friends when they asked to help. Pleaded, really, because they knew he’d be going either way and there wasn't much they could to stop him. He was all smiles and grins and serious, yet chummy laughs as he told them  _ yes yes yes,  _ but then the night before they were going to leave he snuck out the back door with a backpack full of shit and a car he had spent all his and Yukio’s savings getting second-hand.

He had driven off before anybody caught him. His phone was left in the room, unable to annoy him or track him and there was really nothing anybody would be able to do once he hit the streets. He was lucky, that night, there had been a blizzard. No police-men camping about watching for speeders. Rin didn't have a licence. He only knew how to drive from his days running around breaking rules as a punk-ass middle schooler. 

Those days were long past.

Yukio hadn’t taken to the flames well. They appeared suddenly, in some silly, non-important argument about this-or-that during a seriously-important fight, and he had crumpled and  _ screamed  _ and Rin wondered if his own flames had ever truly felt like that. They had lost the fight, barely managing to retreat because Rin had broken his ankle but he was the only one who could touch Yukio without getting burned, so he had no choice but to sling his twin over his shoulder and hobble away as a half-broken Shura fought off the beast. He didn't remember what exactly demon it was, just that it was too strong and too out-of-their-league. 

Yukio had a trial the next day, one that he wasn’t even conscious of. Rin tried to act like the flames still licking his body and singeing the ground and burning anybody who came close weren’t as bad as they seemed. But since Yukio was already a registered exorcist and had already gained their trust, he hadn’t been given the same conditions as Rin. He was safe. He was trusted.

Because  **_everybody loved Yukio._ **

That's why it was such a shock when the hospital had crumpled under the blazing glory of blue flames the next morning. That's why it had been so  _ painful  _ to hear that nobody had survived. Only Yukio. Covered in ash and nothing more than some scratches and bruises from the fall, Yukio was perfectly fine. Sound asleep. He hadn't even known what he was done.

Some wanted to blame Satan. Or Rin. Both were easier than  _ Yukio.  _ Not Yukio, not the youngest exorcists to graduate, not the perfect honour roll student, not the son of the former Paladin. 

Not the twin that everybody trusted and adored.

But there were no signs of Satanic possession on anyone- no bleeding eyes or ruptured eardrums or shattered bones. Not even Yukio. And Rin had been out of town that day, training somewhere non-important fighting some non-important demon with Shura. There was no way he could have done it. The only possible answer was that it was Yukio;  _ just Yukio _ .

Word got out quick. Then there was another trial. Yukio still hadn’t woken up. Not when it started. Not when Rin returned, out of breath and covered in wounds with clothes barely any more than rags. 

Not when he had been sentenced to death.

Rin gripped the steering wheel hard, not caring for the icy sting that the rage of December brought upon his fingers. He bit his lip and tried to ignore how impassive everybody seemed when they  _ tore his life away from him. _

Because what else did Rin have to live for?

His friends were nice. Shura was funny and brave and strong and everything he wanted to be. Shiemi was sweet and lovable and perhaps a bit naive, but always willing to improve herself. Bon was a genius, a prodigy through and through, but always willing to help everyone out around him, even if it was through gruff-affections. Shima was hilarious, easy-going and someone Rin could actually relate too, if a tad bit perverted. Koneko was quite, but insightful and intelligent exorcist who doubted himself but also had a strong will of his own. Izumo was prickly on the outside, but one of the most loyal people he had ever met when he chipped away at the ice surrounding her heart- is the first of all his friends to really accept his as the Son of Satan. He loved them. He would  _ die  _ for them.

But they  **weren't family** . Even then, his only other family consisted of Satan, that Suppaimon, Mephisto strangely enough, and whoever-the-fuck-else was slinking around in hell. 

They weren't Yukio. There was only one Yukio- and he was  _ in danger. _

Rin pushed his foot steadier down on the gas and grip his teeth.

_ They weren’t Yukio. _

_ \--- _

Breaking in was the easy part.

Shura had sworn to the Vatican that she was taking Rin away for as long as necessary for whatever was happening with Yukio to blow over. She had been lying, of course, biding her time and abusing the trust the Order had in her and the friendship she had formed with the Paladin- because they planned to betray the Vatican to save Yukio, anyways. Not just him and Shura. All of them; Shiemi and Izumo and Bon and Koneko and Shima, they were all so willing to betray the order if it meant Yukio got to live. Not that Rin would allow them to destroy their entire future, like that.

So here he was, sneaking in through the shadows of the Vatican. Nobody was expecting him; Shura could take him, they both knew that. Everyone knew that. And Shura had promised them that she’d keep him away- they all watched as she dragged him too far away, far enough that he couldn't sneak back to get to Yukio before the execution.

They didn't know he had a car.

They didn't know he was willing to fucking  _ run  _ if it meant saving his brother.

That's why it was so easy for him to stop outside their dorm room, pack up Yukio’s things in the car did he need his inhaler? He didn't have asthma anymore, did he? Or… Rin took the inhaler, just to be sure. And stick a magical key (that he stole, of course, have been planning this since the second Yukio was sentenced) in the hole and throw open the door right where he needed to be.

He spanked his way down the hallway, keeping to the shadows as best as someone as hot-tempered as he could. When he neared the room- a cell, really, only it had four normal walls instead of bars and a heavy locked door - where he knew Yukio was being kept. Several guards all crowded the place, holy water and bibles and swords and whatever ready in case the ‘Spawn of Satan’ decided to try a breakout.

Rin grinned. How ironic. He was breaking  _ in _ .

Using all of his training and all of his willpower, Rin managed to set alight the chair suspiciously close to the guard at the furthest end of the hallway. Immediately there were shouts of “he's attempting to escape!” and “douse the flames!” as the distraction took hold.

An alarm went off, but he didn't care. He had time. 

Half of the guards were at attention as Rin spread the flames, taking as much of their force as possible to douse the flames with grenades of holy water and the like. His flames pulled out and he was sweating from the exertion of using more control than he had, making a full wall of flames which effectively flared from floor to ceiling, blocking their sight completely. He pulled his sword from its sheath but didn't take out the blade, instead choosing to conk the few-remaining guards over the head with the hit of his blade, knocking them out cold.

He checked the largest guy first, and sure enough, he had a silver ring of keys dangling on his belt. With a quiet  _ click,  _ Yukio’s cell was unlocked.

His brother had pushed himself to his feet from the commotion, his jaw was set but his eyes wide as he looked at his brother, dressed all in black, stepped into the room. Rin outstretched his hand, grinning. Honestly, he was surprised that Yukio was even conscious; he was prepared to stuff him in the car and make their getaway without consent.

“Big bros here,” he winked.

Yukio sighed, pinching his nose in exasperation, “Rin! What are you doing?” He had his I’m-your-teacher-voice out, which honestly always pissed Rin off a bit.

Rin frowned, temper sparking when his bro didn't immediately take the olive branch. He stressed his open hand again, eyes flashing and flames flickering where they floated haphazardly off his body, “saving your life, that's what.”

Yukio looked confused. Rin’s nose scrunched up like something smelled bad. It was the Vatican's sleazy ways, that was for sure.

“You don’t know, do you?”

Yukio’s shoulder’s tensed- and Rin already knew where his mind was going.

He still had to say it,

Rin couldn't look him in the eye, “you aren’t getting a second chance,” he said, quietly, “you’ve been sentenced to death.”

It wasn't the fire raging outside that stole all the air from the room. The alarm blaring was suddenly on the front of his mind, even with Yukio giving him such a shocked look, and he held out his hand again.

“I can explain later,” he said, gruffly, hurriedly, “just… come on. We can worry about what happened once we're out of here.”

Yukio took his hand, but his eyes were glazed over and Rin knew his brother’s mind wasn’t all there. It didn’t matter- they’d work that out later. Again, when they both weren’t under threat of capture and execution… cause Rin was almost certain that the Vatican would have his head if they ever figured out he was the one to do this.

Rin didn’t even bother trying to find a new door- he slammed the one to his twin’s cell shut and pushed his key into the lock, immediately connecting them to the dorm room. Rin didn’t want to think of the way Yukio’s hand was limp in his own, and that his twin;’s feet were only being dragged along by his tugging. They dashed outside, cold air whipping at their faces.

“Rin?!” Yukio asked, staring incredulously at him as Rin began pushing him into the passenger seat of the car, but at least he wasn't resisting, “where did you get this?! W-wait-” Yukio stuttered watching as Rin slid himself into the front seat, “you don’t have your drivers licence!”

“Neither do you,” Rin said, breezily. “I bought this a couple of days ago from some creep back in town. Figured it’d be good for now.”

“Now?” Yukio’s face was pale as the car’s lights reflect off of it. He still sat back in the seat, uncomfortable, but not running. Which was good, playing along with this. He was jumpy and fidgety and Rin knew he wanted nothing more than to park his ass right back in the Vatican and take it, but for some odd reason, he wasn’t. Rin almost expected him to be fighting- refusing to abandon the Order.

Rin started up the car and pulled them onto the roads. He could see several assorted exorcists running around the place, some very intent on checking their dorm, for where else could Yukio go?

Find his brother- who was supposedly halfway across the damned country? Run back to the church they grew up in? There wasn't really anywhere else. Rin and Yukio had lost everything the night Satan possessed their father and Rin drew the sword.

They weren’t stopped. Neither of them had a drivers licence. They didn't have the money to buy a car. It was unreasonable to assume the two of them were rolling down the streets in a forest-green rust bucket of a motor vehicle. Yukio took off his exorcist jacket and shirt, instead of changing into some of the clothes Rin had helplessly thrown not the backseat.

“It’s unusual for you to plan something like this,” he couldn't see his expression through the flash of his glasses.

Rin shrugged, forcing his eyes back to the road, “you’re my little bro. I gotta do what I have to keep you safe.”

Yukio pushed up his glasses- an attempt to hide the little smile Rin spotted with his hand. The lenses flashed, “it seems lately, Nii-san, that I've been protecting  _ you. _ ”

Rin huffed, but didn't retaliate- this was one of the few times he’d seen Yukio genuinely smile in the past few… weeks. Months? He pulled them onto the highway without a word, snow and ice and hail splashing against the windshield.

Yukio was acting strangely.

Or- maybe Rin just didn't notice that he was always like this? He had been rather distracted, ever since Dad’s death and the reveal of his true heritage. And Yukio… well, Yukio had to have been hit just as hard as Rin had by both of those things, so, really, there was a likely chance that Yukio’s mental stability had gone downhill just as his own had.

“Nii-san…” Yukio’s voice broke through the warm silence of the car, mixing with the gentle purr of the heater, “I have to ask… why are you going so far for me? Rescuing me like this I mean.”

Rin raised an eyebrow, “the fuck do you mean? You’re my brother.”

“Yes, but…” Yukio looked out the window, feigning avoiding Rin's face. In reality, Rin could feel his eyes checking over his face through the reflection, “I deserved it. I- I am aware of what happened. That I inherited the flames. That I couldn't control them… Nii-san, people  _ died  _ because of me.”

Rin sucked in his bottom lip -  _ not  _ pouting, “feels like people are always dying. People die when you do good things. People die when you do bad things. People die when you make mistakes. It’s… it sucks, but it happens. But that's all it was. A mistake,” he whistled, trying to break the tension. He wasn't getting across exactly what he wanted… but, how should he word it? “We’re messed up in some shit, alright. Every day, it feels like every damn decision we make is either going to save or end the world. So, yeah, people die. Cause that's a lot of responsibility to put on a couple of teenagers.”

That wasn’t it, wasn't his point.

But he didn't really know what was. He felt like he was grasping at straws; he knew what to say, somehow, but his mind just couldn't wrangle it. So frustrating! 

Silence.

Rin listened to the patter of ice against the bottom of the car. It was almost soothing, a staccato rhythm that was just unpredictable enough to keep him listening.

Yukio was completely refusing to look at him now.

“What's your plan?”

“Huh?” Rin asked, “uh, nothing too special. Just getting you out of there.”

Yukio’s head suddenly swivelled to look at him, a dead, annoyed look in his eyes, “so what? You just gave up your whole life just like that? Without even having a plan? Where are we going, Rin?!” he was getting a little too riled up, Rin wondered if he remembered to pack the inhaler… “I thought you wanted to become Paladin! Did you really think breaking out convicts would help you do that?! You… I can't believe this! You just threw your whole life away… for me!”

Rin sucked in a hiss of a breath, “ya need to calm down, little bro. I’m actually supposed to be out with Shura and the others right now. The whole group of us were planning on breaking ya out... But I came here alone. They’ll be my alibi. I’m only going to be gone for a few hours- and by the time they wake up I’ll be there like I hadn’t even left and word’ll get to us that you escaped.”

“And what about me?”

Rin raised an eyebrow, “what  _ about  _ you?”

“Rin!” Yukio sighed, exaggerated, “where do you expect me to go? I’ll be wanted by the Vatican!”

Rin ket out an anxious chuckle, “I sorta thought yer friends at the Illumi-whatever would help ya out with that. Besides, being wanted is better than being killed, ne?”

Yukio froze. Certainly, he hadn't been expecting Rin to know about that.

The older twin whistled, “shouldn’t leave important documents lying around, Yuki.”

Yukio rubbed at his temples, “if you want to hide and tree put it in a forest.”

“Pretty sure Lumberjacks hang out in forests.”

The younger sighed- but it was kind of wheezy and forced, “and you’re supposed to be a Lumberjack, Rin? You’re unbelievable.” Maybe he really  _ did  _ need his inhaler?

“Unbelievably cool.”

Another wheezy sigh. Was he having an asthma attack, or a panic attack?

“I packed your inhaler in that backpack there-” he shrugged towards the ratty old thing in the back seat, “you might want to use it. You sound like… a fucking sixty-year-old smoker.”

“I don't have asthma anymore,” Yukio commented lightly, but he was still rummaging around for the inhaler, so…

“You sure about that?”

The only sound that replied to him was the puffing of an inhaler and an intake of breath.

Rin swerved, moving the car to park alongside the edge of the road, a single street-lamp illuminated a closed gas station just on the other side. He turned in his seat, looking carefully at his younger twin. Without a word, he opened his door and slid out of the car, satisfied to watch as his younger twin did the same. He marched over, sneakers sinking a little too much into the heavy snow as he trotted to Yukio and grinned, ignoring the bite of cold and the soaking of his socks- he was a fire demon. He could handle it. The headlights of the car illuminated them, Rin's stubborn grin and Yukio’s annoyed profile.

“What are we doing?’ Yukio asked, annoyed, “this isn't anywhere near the Illuminati.”

“That's because I have no idea where it  _ is- _ !” Rin groaned, “we’re just here for a pitstop.”

Yukio’s eyes flashed to the gas station, “you’re kidding?”

Rin winked. “You know… it’s almost time for our birthdays. You’re not going to be around during the actual day… but I did get ya a present.”

Yukio looked even more annoyed if that was even humanly possible. Though, he was now, officially, half-demon, with pointed ears and everything… so maybe his annoyance-level received an upgrade? Could demons even feel annoyance? Eh, probably. He could, and he was a half-demon. And Mephisto seemed annoyed at him sometimes, too.

“But- if you want it, you’re gonna have to close your eyes and hold out yer hand!” Rin snickered, playing with the ‘present’ in his pocket.

Yukio looked unbelieving, opening his mouth to protest-

“No buts!”

His twin sighed but did as he was told. Rin sauntered forward, sneakers crunching through the top layer of frozen snow. The car keys jingled in his hand when he held them out, swiftly dropping the warmed metal into his brother's hand. Yukio’s eyes immediately snapped open and he looked down, disbelieving.

“It's kind of a rust bucket, but you’ll have to make due,” he waggled his brows, “at least until yer Illumi-friends get ya a BMW or somethin.”

“Rin-”

Said half-demon threw up his hands and squeezed his brother shoulders, hard, and he hoped the glare of the headlights was bright enough to distract from his suddenly wet eyes, “I… I know you probably don't think you deserve a second chance… so that's not what I’m giving you. Uh- the real present is a  _ choice _ . You can take that car and drive yourself back to the Vatican to get your ass killed if that's what you want-” Rin really,  _ really  _ hoped it wasn't what he wanted, “or ya can drive off into the sunset to Illuminati or whatever else you think of going.”

He ducked his head, trying to force a grin on his face, “uh, the gas is a little sensitive so don't press too hard. And, uh, drive safe. Be safe. And don't forget to call, Yukio- I’ll be expecting  _ at least  _ one for our birthday because I gave you such a kick-ass gift! And check the trunk, I threw some shit in there for you. Your spare glasses and your special pillow and that cream you need-” he was rambling like a mom saying goodbye to their kids for school, or something. 

Since when did he become such a baby?!

“Rin!”

Yukio always looked so funny when he was embarrassed.

“Why… why are you doing this for me?”

Rin wrangled his mouth into a lopsided grin and chuckled lightly, feeling a bit of the tension in his chest ebb away, “because you’re my brother. And we always got to have each other's backs.”

He awkwardly patted Yukio’s shoulder, head still looking down at their feet. He didn't even know what the damned kid looked like, right now, because he was being a  _ coward.  _ He was so mad that… his eyes were stinging.  _ Mad _ . So mad that he was being so  _ stupid- _

“Be safe,” he said, lifting his head just a little, just enough so that he could see Yukio but so that his bangs still hid his eyes. He sniffled… from the  _ cold _ . “And, um… I love you, Yukio.”

His arms were moving before he could even  _ think  _ of stopping them, and he held his younger twin in an awkward, tight, too-quick hug. He immediately tore his face away from Yukio, never really catching a glimpse of him, before he started walking across the road. He didn't know if Yukio was still watching, even as he took out the magical key he had stolen from Shura and stuck it in the lock of the gas station door. 

He didn’t turn around when he opened it and started stepping through, but he thought he heard a suspicious mumble that sounded a little too distinctly like Yukio and a little too distinctly like the last words he himself had said.

But he would never know, because he never looked back, even as he stepped through to the hotel. Maybe, just maybe, he had come to regret not looking back, not seeing the look on Yukio’s face that one final time before they parted.

But he knew, for as long as he lived, that he’d never regret what he said that day. Those three words… were more important to him than anything.

  
  


Even if they weren’t true anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Five years had passed since that night. Since he had walked away from his twin, stranded in a snowstorm alone on the highway with nothing more than a half-broken car, some clothes, and a death sentence hanging over his head.

He didn’t really remember what happened after that. He knew he must have picked his way through the hotel and slipped back into bed. He knew the others would have been angry at him- maybe catching him in the act or maybe not. Nobody ever said anything. Of course, they were all surprised by the idea of Yukio escaping.

_ Just  _ Yukio.

The Vatican had questioned him, of course, asking if he knew that his twin had been planning on defecting, and Rin had said what he would have even if he was innocent:  _ you sentenced him to death. What else was he supposed to do, roll over and die? _

He had gotten in trouble for back talking, for being disobedient and causing a scene- but it wasn't any more than a slap on the wrist before he was being sent back to the field. While Yukio had still been very much wanted by the Vatican for being a traitor… Rin was never suspected of being the very same.

Even all these years later, he wasn't really sure if anyone but Yukio knew what he had done that night.

_ They would call him a fool. _

Rin slammed his back against a half-wall, ribs bruised but rapidly healing as he gritted his teeth and held the Kuomaken as tightly as he could. Shiemi was beside him, face pale and growing paler, and Rin hissed as he saw the bright red scrape of once-skin on her side. Her hand was unconsciously pressing against it, the medical instincts she had practically turned into an artform since their days as Exwires.

“Can you summon Nii?”

Shiemi fumbled, eyes glazing as she pushed her free hand around her kimono, searching for summoning paper, “I should be able to,” she panted, wilting slightly from the lack of paper in her hands, “just… give me a moment.”

He waited a whole two seconds before losing patience and doing it for her, managing to find one last page with one of the corners ripped off tucked away in her obi, but thankfully the seal was all there and it was usable. He cringed but still dabbed the seal on her wounded side, picking enough blood to form the contract- the sight of the happy Greenman appearing from thin air helped to dissolve some of the guilt from hurting her.

The demon didn't even need to be asked, immediately set to work helping Shiemi patch herself up. 

“Where the fuck is Bon?” Rin hissed, knowing she’d be fine,  _ probably _ , and risked himself to peek out the side of the wall. He immediately shrunk back as a wave of bright orange fire was thrown at him- either purposefully (which meant they had to  _ move _ ) or coincidentally (which meant the world wanted to fuck him over today, too). 

Either way, he saw no sight of that stupid rooster. He ducked backwards, huffing as he gripped the wall for support. He wanted to unsheath Kurikara and start fighting,  _ but- _

His eyes glanced at Shiemi. Her face wasn’t as pale and she now had a leafy-bandage wrapping around her middle. That didn't mean that she was suddenly capable of fighting, again, and Rin wasn't willing to take the risk of leaving her here alone. There was only so much Nii could do, and it looked like Shiemi would run out of energy to keep him here any second. He did the favor of ripping the paper for her. She'd need that strength to run.

“Feeling better?”

She gave a nod, but he saw that her fingers were trembling; pain, probably. He bit back a growl and fished in his pocket for his phone. He couldn't risk calling Bon and having the ring alert any enemies, but he did send off a quick, questioning text. No response in the two minutes that followed and Rin could only assume he was fighting… Or, well, dead.

Wouldn’t be the first time a friend had died on the battlefield. Wouldn't be the last.

Rin just hoped that when his time came (as it inevitably would- he knew,) it would be so that his friends could remain alive. Maybe live out the war… or even  _ win _ . That’d be cool, too.

Fire surged and the air crackled and Rin shifted away from the flames that blasted against the wall they were hiding behind. Looks like time was up.

“We’re gonna have to move,” he bit out to Shiemi, whose face grew stern.

“Okay,” she breathed, not an ounce of hesitation in her voice. 

If they didn’t move, they'd die. Shiemi knew that more than anyone. She was the only one who had been with him when Shura…

Another fire blast. Rin bit his lip and grabbed hold of Shiemi, half-throwing her over his shoulder as he dashed out the side of the torn building. The demon was… what was it called again, the firebird-things? There was one in Harry Potter. This one used to belong to some old creepy guy- or so he had heard from Bon.

Anyways, it was trying to kill them.

Rin felt another blast behind him and huffed in pain as the fur on his tail singed and scorched and made its way down to the skin. No matter the knee-buckling agony he was in, he refused to stop moving. It wasn’t only his life on the line.

He passed into another building, saving Shiemi’s head from being snapped off by the powerful crunch of the break. Flaming feathers danced across his skin, too close, as he turned around and slammed the door shut right in its face.

“So you guys finally decided to show up,” a rough, annoyed voice said. It was vacant of its usual bite of anger or hiss of embarrassment or that tiny undertone of warmth that only so few people were privy to.

Not that there were many people left living in Japan. Rin didn't know much about the situation outside of his home country, but he knew it couldn't be much better.

“K-Kamiki!” Shiemi cried, pulling at Rin’s shirt but before he could even oblige and let her down she was falling and scrambling and tearing her knees on the ground to reach the fox-tamer. 

She summoned Nii (she shouldn't do that, she’d pass out from exhaustion-) and immediately began uttering instructions for plants.

Rin turned and promptly held his breath.

Kamiki had a great bleeding hole in her chest and a good chunk of her thigh missing. It looked like something had bitten her, then stabbed her through with its claws- and Rin thought, maybe, he faintly remember hearing the yowl of a cat sidhe out on the battlefield. He winced at the memory of Kuro, never confirmed dead, but missing. Not that he had high hopes.

Rin was about to think that, despite the overwhelming takeover of Japan, his friends and himself had mostly survived. Shura had been… and Kuro was missing, and then Shima went and shown his true colours, black flames, and declared that he had joined the Illuminati. Angel had stepped down as Paladin shortly after Shura’s death. Bon’s mentor, that crazy hobo-looking guy, had dropped off the face of the Earth for two years before suddenly showing up- crazier than ever and _ refusing to fight _ , mooching off what little they had. Amimon had helped them fight once, and then they'd never seen him again. And Mephisto had been lurking somewhere- said he was ‘reorganizing the pieces’, which basically meant jack shit and that he was probably eating junk food and reading manga in an underground bunker somewhere.

There were only four of them left in their little group; the Exwires. Or, well, they were all technically exorcists, but they never really got past the title. They were the few Rin could trust. The few he knew from the years before the war, plus some other shady characters. And, of course, whatever new friends he made along the way never lasted long.

Was this another casualty?  
Rin didn’t want to say yes, just yet. Shiemi was here, and she was one of the few doctor-meisters still kicking around- if Kamiki had any chance of surviving, it was through her. She was already working on her, which was a good thought. The faster she was treated the better chance of survival, she had.

On the other hand, her wounds looked deep and the blood too thick. She was bent at a weird angle half-sitting-half-lying against the wall, her eyes glassy and vacant and a little trail of blood dribbling from her mouth.

The door was banged on. The flame-bird. Rin hissed, clutching Kurikara’s hilt but not attacking. The flames attracted more danger than they stopped. Really, the sword had been nothing but decoration for the better part of the takeover. He instead grabbed a nearby chair and reinforced the door, giving them at least a few more precious minutes. 

“How's she looking?”

“I…” she bit her lip, breathed in, and let it flow out, “salvageable, maybe,” Shiemi directed her eyes, turning so that her face was only visible to Rin,  _ not hopeful,  _ she mouthed, and Rin felt his heart clenched.

“Anything I can do?” Rin asked, surveying the tamer once more. The leg… probably wouldn’t be able to be saved. Thankfully True Cross had developed artificial limbs after the second year since the war started- as simply too much of their force was lost due to amputations that they couldn’t just sit back and accept it. If she lived she wouldn’t ever be the same, but she would still be able to fight.

And, really, that was all that ever mattered, now.

Ever since Rin allowed Okumura Yukio, the Spawn of Satan, to escape. 

That was a title now reserved solely for Yukio- Rin couldn't even remember the last time somebody had used it for him.

“I could cauterize her wounds,” he said, summoning flames to cover his hand, “at the very least she'd stop fucking bleeding out.” He was no doctor, but Rin had spent enough time on the battlefield to have some basic first aid skills.

Kamiki’s gaze was sharp at the notion, but she didn’t decline the offer. They both knew it would hurt like a bitch, but hurting to survive was something they’d all become good at.

Shiemi finished putting on some paste that she had designed. It stung like hell and shaved off a bit of your lifespan, but somehow managed to accelerate the human body's healing ability- some kind of demon-herb that only a Greenman could make, or something.

“We can give it a try,” she said, in that specifically not-hopeful voice that was so keen on a doctor- yet it had a tint of optimism that only Shiemi was able to conjure when faced with such patients. 

Shiemi, somehow, managed to never lose that shine of hers that had made her special in the first place. It was almost like the war didn't even affect her, unlike how it hardened everyone else.

Rin strode forward, cautiously optimistic himself as he held out his hand, engulfed in the flames that had killed so many; not his bright, cheerful azure that was known to protect- but a dark, royal navy that struck fear into the hearts of everyone. Possibly more than Satan’s ever had. He gave Kamiki a serious look and she nodded consent. He sighed through his nose.

“There are two ways to do this. Fast but hard or slow but… less hard,” he had done this too many times and saved so little lives, “they’re both still going to hurt like a bitch.”

Kamiki only considered it for a second as the firebird slammed itself on the door again, flames eating at the word and snapping at the air with its heat. They probably didn't even have the time to be doing as much as they had, what with the walls starting to go up in flames, but he would still fucking try. He’d never give up one of his friends like that- never  **_again_ ** !

He’d rather die than leave Izumo here alone.

“Fast,” Kamiki's voice was shaky but determined.

Shiemi summoned a piece of bark for her to bite down on, “I’ll try to hold off the phoenix,” she said, already summoning a new plant.

Rin nodded but paid her no mind. He set both hands on fire and went down before Kamaiki would have a chance to regret it. Her scream managed to worm it’s way out even though the bark and Rin thought for a second that her fucking teeth would shatter from the force of it all- but he'd done this before and so far nobody had managed to achieve that feat.

Thirty seconds of torture later and Rin knew he’d done the best that he could. Kamiki was stabbed and bit and burnt, but at least she wasn't bleeding any more. His flames had enough control to only burn right where they were needed and were hot enough to do the job in less time. 

“Can you run?” he threw over his shoulder at Shiemi because there was no way Kamiki would be able to and Rin wouldn't be able to fight and carry both of them and run fast enough to survive at the same time.

“Yes,” the tamer said, though Rin knew she didn’t believe it, not with the way her eyes fluttered or her legs shook. She could barely stand and they both knew it.

There was no time to call her out on it.

Kamiki didn’t protest when she was roughly pulled over his shoulder- and she didn't even cry out in pain. The nerve endings were burnt away so all he reckoned she only felt that the disturbing numbness of death just inches away. Rin hoped he’d be able to out-run it.

Shiemi took the lead despite everything, weaving quickly through the building. He realized that she was chewing on something- and he thought it was probably the only thing giving her the strength to run. Maybe that and now the suspiciously missing Nii.

They managed to get outside again, but there was nowhere to go. There was a cat sidhe corpse (at least Izumo managed to get the fucker that did this to her-) partially blocking the doorway and a fire-bird circling overhead. It took Rin only a second to wonder why it hadn't attacked yet.

Then the world stopped. The only thing he could hear was the chilling slow clap and the crunch of boots against broken glass and spoiled concrete. 

He blinked and saw blue. 

Shima Renzo, clad in the pressed, spotless teal of a traitor, came marching forward. His clapping was attuned perfectly with his steps, creating a symphony of the crunch of those buried underfoot and the mock of the few survivors still standing. 

“I see you actually managed to save her,” Shima grinned, laughing just a little, “I gotta say, I thought she was a goner when I saw the cat sidhe dig into her.”

Rin grit his teeth, eyeing the pink-haired teen up and down. He dropped his hold on Kamiki, and the tamer just barely managed to stay standing as Shiemi caught her.

“Stay back,” Rin warned, fingering Kurikara’s hilt. Right now, the dangers of drawing it were starting to get outweighed by the benefits. He could fight with his bare hands, sure, but all of his training was towards being a knight. It was his meister, after all.

“Rin!” Kamiki hissed, somehow still conscious, “don’t be an idiot! You know what’ll happen if you use your flames!”

He swallowed thickly.

Indeed, he did.

Yukio would immediately get alerted.

Sure, using small amounts of fire like on his palms or light candles or whatever was so minuscule that they were untraceable, but there was something about the full force of his sword being drawn that… drew Yukio out.

They hadn’t figured it out until several months after the war had officially been declared. Every time Rin had drawn his sword Yukio came stalking around the corner. The connection was figured out- somehow, Yukio was able to sense his flames, well enough to trace them. Rin had no idea that could even happen, hell he'd never felt anything like that… but, well, he supposed his demon-heart was sealed in Kurikara and Gehenna, and Yukio’s was in his body- in Assiah. And, besides, with his twin being the damned prodigy he was, Rin wouldn't be surprised to hear he mastered the flames.

At first, the idea of Yukio coming running at his beck and call with the simple pulling of his sword had excited him. He used it to call his brother out- to try and talk with him and get him to change his mind. To come back to him.

Then he realized how much Yukio had…  _ changed _ . To put it bluntly. 

He had defeated Satan right before that last confrontation. 

He had taken up the throne of the Gehenna for himself, sitting upon a throne made of the flayed flesh of their father- or at least that's what he said. Rin wasn't sure his twin was even  _ sane _ , anymore.

That's when he stopped trying to reach out to him. 

And he hated himself for it.

It was for the best.

But Shima… Shima was a powerful opponent- as lazy a he was. And if Rin didn't draw his sword there was a very high chance that all three of them would die here. That was why he kept it around, even though it was more than a useless decoration, weighing down his back. If he ever needed to fight. To survive. It was better to have it with him to survive the battle now and face the consequences of Yukio later.

“What do you want?” he hissed, ready to draw at a second's notice.

“Easy, easy,” Shima chuckled in that easy way of his - Rin’s heart froze for a second, remembering that time from days passed- the easy-going Exwire that had become his  _ friend _ . But this wasn't the same person. Rin wouldn't be fooled!

Shima held up his hands in mock surrender, though Rin knew it was anything but, “I’m just here to deliver a message.”

He blinked. 

“What?”

“From Okumura. Or- the  _ other  _ Okumura. The Highness of Hell or the Lord of Gehenna or his Majesty Okumura or Lord Yukio… whatever you wish to call him,” the tone was light but the shark-sharp grin was anything but. “I guess it’d just be Yukio, ne?” Shima’s grin was sharp, "I suppose if anyone, you would get the privilege of calling him that.”

“Get on with it,” Rin said- but, really, he was tensing, readying himself like a spring to be released, to snatch up Izumo and start running like hell. He just hoped Shiemi would be able to keep up. Or maybe he could sacrifice himself so the two of them could get away- that'd grant his wish, at least.

He just hated being so cowardly.

But he’d rather be a coward than lead Kamiki and Shiemi to their deaths.

“Tsk tsk, Rin, I can already tell you wanna bolt! This is why he sent  _ me  _ to deliver the message- because you always run away as soon as he shows up!”

Of course. His brother… wasn't acting like his brother. He wasn't even sure that Yukio even thought of him as a brother, anymore. Or if he even remembered the time they spent living together, loving each other. It hurt, but it was reality.

“Just tell me, then. And leave!”

Rin braced himself- this was some kind of trick. It had to be.

“Fine,” Shima’s face was serious, which was… weird. And, he hadn’t attacked them yet- which was, well,  _ weird _ . Last time they encountered Shima, Rin had interfered just seconds before Bon’s death, barely saving him. 

“Okumura’s planning to  _ personally  _ launch an attack on the remains of True Cross on Sunday. Y’know, that little hospital you’ve all cooped yourselves up in.”

Rin nearly spat. How the hell did they know about the base?!

Kamiki snarled, not showing any of her surprise at their knowledge, “and why are you telling us this? Just to throw it on our faces?! Fuck off, spy.”

Kamiki had probably taken Shima’s deflection the hardest. The two of them had gotten together shortly before everything went to shit, and as much as she was prickly on the outside, they all knew how hurt she had been when he had tried to manipulate her into becoming the vessel of the Nine-Tails. The whole relationship had been nothing more than a sham.

Shiemi had to hold the poor girl off. 

“If you move too much you could reopen your wounds! You’ll die, Izumo!” the doctor hissed, hooking Kamiki under the armpits and forcing her still. Kamiki was out of breath and barely able to move, but even then, her resistance never faded.

Rin felt glad for her, that she had never lost that fire in her eyes.

“Actually, I’m here to offer a proposition.”

They all froze at that. Rin’s blood ran cold- this had to be some kind of trick… luring them into a false sense of security to make the inevitable strike only that much cruller. 

“Lies!” Rin hissed, edging forward and pointing the sheathed-Kurikara at the once-monk.

“Truth!” Shima shot back, mocking, laughing, “he says…” suddenly he went serious again, like a faucet playing hot-and-cold, “that if Rin gives himself up to the Order of the Illuminati, then the strike will be canceled.” Shima shrugged, “so if you want everybody to live then you’ll come to the airship before Sunday.”

Rin bit his lip. His natural instincts were to immediately sacrifice himself- of course - because the lives of everyone around him were so much more important than his own. Besides, he had set Yukio free. He had done this. 

He still didn't regret it.

But the few smarts he had gained over the years of fighting and surviving but never thriving were screaming at him that this was a trap. This was some kind of ploy (because of course, Yukio was that smart-) to trick them into willingly giving up their most powerful weapon.

“It seems pretty legit, Rin,”

The shock came from it being Shima who said that. All the faux laughter was replaced with deadly seriousness, yet there was still a shadow of the former man Rin had grown to trust. 

_ Before _ .

“I’m saying this because we used to be friends. Yukio is sincere. This isn't a trick or a ploy. He… wants to talk to you. Like, really bad. It’s, like, all he talks about- to the point where it’s getting  _ annoying _ . He even gave me a message to pass onto you- if you didn't immediately start attacking me, of course, because we all know how you can be,” Shima winked, but then ducked his head, looking embarrassed. “Uh- the message-” he scratched the back of his head suddenly looking very embraced.

Rin still wasn't buying it, “just say it,” he wasn't expecting it to be anything good.

Shima scratched the back of his head, and Rin swore he saw a faint blush of his cheek, “he… uh, he wanted to say…” the blush grew deeper.

Shima coughed into his hand, awkwardly. And, holy fuck, he  _ was  _ blushing.

“That he  _ loved  _ you.”

Izumo laughed; delirious.

\---

They, thankfully, managed to make it back to base in one piece. 

Actually, the trip back was eerily uneventful. It seemed as though, after talking to Shima, all the usual demon attacks just… stopped. Like they had all died or dispersed or hadn't even existed in the first place.

Izumo had a theory that it was because of Shima’s proposition. Rin didn't want to think about it too much. He was always better at action, anyways.

But still, they reached base in relatively okay shape. Relatively, in that they were all alive. Izumo and Shiemi were immediately herded off by Koneko and some lady Rin had never actually caught the name of. She was grumpy and weird with glasses and short bobbed hair, and they had only met her a few weeks ago. Apparently, she had medical knowledge, which was an overwhelmingly rare and important trait, nowadays, and so they had let her come with them.

_ Living people _ were rare. And suspicion wasn't a reason to turn down valuable assets.

Rin didn’t really need to go with them- he only had mildly bruised ribs and some burns from the Phoenix, but thanks to his demonic healing he’d be fine within the day (it would be a waste to use any medical supplies on him) - but still followed along after his friends to keep an eye on them. 

It turned out that Bon had gotten injured and was taken aback, unconscious, by a fuming but not-extremely-harmed, Angel. Because, of course, the one fucking person Rin could stand to lose never had it in him to die. Not that he’d ever say that aloud, because Shiemi would beat him senseless for it; there were so few people, let alone exorcists, that they couldn't be picky.

Bon had a concussion and a broken arm but seemed decently okay. He’d recover enough to be able to fight again in a week, which was pretty good considering the overwhelming casualty rate that simply  _ breathing  _ seemed to have these days.

Shiemi would be fine. The rough patch-job she had done in the field protected her from any lasting damage, and while the gash was pretty nasty, she wasn’t in any danger.

Kamiki was alive. Rin wished there was something better to say about her- but he saw the glasses-lady preparing the blood transfusion (the last they had) and getting out the medical-saw for the amputation.

He had looked away at that. Shiemi said she remembered seeing a prosthetic roughly sized for Kamiki lying around somewhere and ran off to find it. Rin pretended he didn't hear her sniffling or saw the tears leaking into her long-since ruined kimono. 

He dragged himself to his room, which was conveniently on the first floor, in case he was ever needed to fight. It was barely anything- just a too-small bed pushed in the corner of the room and a three-legged coffee table holding his few belongings. Papers and trash and dust scattered the floor but he could never bring himself to care enough to clean.

They'd have to move from the base, anyways. Apparently the Illuminati had sniffed them out- Rin had even bothered to be sneaky with this one!

He hissed as he fell into bed, ignoring the smell of dust like how he usually ignored his problems. Now, he couldn’t. Because everyone here was depending on him, and if what Shima said about the strike was true (they knew their location, it was highly unlikely to be a bluff,)… well, then everybody would be dead. 

_ He had the option of surrendering…  _

But it was a trap, wasn't it?

_ Shima said that it was true! _

Why trust him? He's betrayed you once, he can easily do it again.

_ Yukio said he loved him. _

Rin had said that too- right before  _ abandoning him _ . Leaving his twin all alone to suffer, to crawl around in the dark with no true place to go. 

_ Yukio said he  _ **_loved him._ **

It was all Rin’s fault. If he had just  _ been there  _ for him. He’d have never fallen to Satan’s influence. If Rin had been there to support him, then maybe he wouldn't have turned into the monster he was.

_ Satan is dead. _

He didn't know that.

_ Yukio is alive.  _

**_Yukio said he loved him._ **

Rin grunted and screamed into his pillow. It didn't make him feel any better.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sad  
> This fandom is so dead. :(

Five days remaining.

One had already passed.

Sunday, was it?

It felt so far away. But it was coming up so fast. 

Or maybe that's because he had spent the entirety of the first-day laying in bed, sleeping. Maybe that's why it went fast. Because today was going by too slowly- the clock that Shiemi had suddenly given him (a silent warning of the impending crisis- no, she wouldn’t do that to him,) ticked every second. It felt like hours in between. It felt like nanoseconds.

Maybe it was because it had been so long since they actually bothered about what day of the week it was that he was unused to thinking of a future instead of just now.

Rin felt sick.

Which was ridiculous, because he had never gotten sick…  _ after _ . Still, here he lay on his bed, hands clutching a too-empty stomach, attempting to sooth the need to toss up whatever pitiful bile remained.

There was a knock at his door. 

Rin called out, rolling over and watching as Shiemi, predictably, stepped inside. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, shy. Even after all these years, no matter how close the two of them had grown, Shiemi would always be so polite and modest. She was holding herself weirdly- probably because of her gash. But if she was walking, then she'd be fine. She was a doctor. She could take care of herself.

“I… I wanted to talk. A-about what… Shima said.”

Rin huffed, rolling onto his back to avoid the uncomfortable eye contact, “all ears,” he said, gruffly. Lies.

“I… I’ve gotten the word out… n-not about the proposition, but, um, that I suspect they know of our location. Everybody is getting ready to move…”

It seemed like a simple enough solution, and maybe it was… but, for some reason, Rin knew it wouldn’t be enough. Maybe it’s because of how well he knew Yukio, knew how smart he was. He’d have predicted they would run. If he knew about this base, what said he didn't know about all the others before it? Or that he wouldn't find the next one?

“Okay,” Rin said, quietly, not knowing if he should share the information.

Were they trapped? Doomed? Cursed to remain here until they died unless Rin gave himself up to save them? Or would he be shot down while entering the airship, unaware that the others were being burned regardless?

Shiemi leaned over him, her bright, watery eyes staring into his own. Rin hissed, sucking in a breath and holding back his immediate instincts to  _ kill-  _ presence, too close. His throat, too bare. Had to  _ protect-  _ how had he so easily forgotten that she was here?

“U-um, Rin?” the doctor reached out a hand, then retracted it, “are… are you feeling alright?”

Rin nodded, scooching backward and sitting himself up. “Tired. Stayed up all night thinking.”

Her gaze suddenly grew hard, “about what?”

“You know  _ what _ ,” he deflected, tail swishing in agitation just at the mere thought of the subject.

Why did she look all angry? Rin tried remembering her face when they were younger, all baby fat and big round cheeks. Now her cheeks were hollow, worn out, with jutting little L’s where her cheekbones were. 

“You’re not doing it. I won’t let you. Rin… you can't give yourself up. We-we don't even know if he was telling the truth- this is probably some scheme to _ kill you _ !”

When had she started looking so… old?

He remembered the slightly-pudgy, round-cheeked girl fumbling around in a garden, unable to stand because she loved the damned place so much she had willed herself to die there. He remembers the childlike innocence. The cute way that she tied the little bow of her uniform and done up her hair and had stars in her eyes and a wrinkle-less face.

_ She was only  _ **_twenty_ ** _. That was much too young to have such large wrinkles. They weren't even  _ **_laugh_ ** _ lines. Just crows feet and little dents by her brows from furrowing them too much. _

His shaggy bangs (it’s been too long since he had a haircut) covered his eyes as he fisted the sheets- already matted and crinkled from weeks without a wash, “he could have killed me right then and there. We weren’t in any position to fight. Kamiki was half-dead and you could barely stand. We both know I couldn't protect both of you and myself at the same time. Not without Kurikara- which you wouldn't let me draw.”

They would have been dead. They could have so, so  _ easily  _ died. If Shima had only tried.

“So they're  _ playing  _ us!” Shiemi surprisingly grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at her, “they’re… they’re just being cruel! They’re trying to give us hope before brutally ripping it away from us. Can't you see, Rin?! It’s a ploy!”

Forget old. When had Shiemi become so fierce?

Despite the premature wrinkles and the cloud over her eyes, Rin could still clearly see the determined fire that she had even in her youth. The girl who nearly killed herself to protect her beloved grandmother's garden. Past the polite and shy exterior was a master tamer and doctor meister who had survived the world over. 

Rin was proud to call her his best friend.

“It doesn’t matter  _ what  _ it is,” Rin said, gruffly, “they’ve figured out where we are and they’re going to attack us. End of. If there's something I can do to prevent that, then I will. I don’t care if it’s me sacrificing myself or me running in there with my flames blazing- I  _ will  _ protect everyone.”

(Both of those options would lead to his death.)

Shiemi let out a harsh breath, unbelieving. She pushed away from him roughly, nearly tossing him back onto the bed as she turned towards the door- angry, and clearly still filled with the desire it fight it… but she knew him too well. Knew that she wouldn't be able to change his mind.

“I… I can’t believe you! Rin… it’s not your job to save everyone! Why can’t you see that?!”

Rin didn’t say anything as Shiemi marched towards the door and threw it open. Despite all of her rage, she closed it quietly behind her, with nothing more than the click of it shutting, signifying her exit. It was such a Shiemi-thing to do that Rin let out a little chuckle, despite the sudden tightness in his chest. The way his shoulders felt heavy where her hands once were.

Rin laid back on his bed. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, he didn't care. All he knew was that, eventually, his legs started cramping and he had to pull himself up.

He walked through the hallways, staring at deteriorated walls and trash is thrown helplessly around. His own hands were covered in a layer of dirt and grime, and his clothes weren’t much better. Running water had become the least of their worries, though, what with the constant lingering of blood in the air. This may be a hospital, but it wasn’t exactly somewhere that was adjusted to  _ saving  _ lives.

Really, it was more of a morgue.

If a person survived it solely depended on what happened on the field. Kamiki had been absurdly lucky that it was Shiemi, one of their last remaining doctors, who had found her. And Rin, with his flames. It was by a stroke of luck that she lived; nothing more. 

(If she had been out in the field with anyone else that day, she would have died. Or, maybe, if someone other than Run was there… they would have  _ protected  _ her, and she wouldn't be missing a limb.)

He kept walking, eventually getting to the room where he had seen Poka-bows yesterday. They were low on space, so she had been moved to the next room over, and was laying on a hospital-stretcher beside Bon. Both of them were covered in thin sheets, they had saved the only clean ones for the injured to reduce infection risk. There was a significant lack of substance underneath the blanket where her leg should have been- through Rin was at least glad to see the rise and fall of her chest. And the prosthetic sitting on a table, no doubt needing to be cleaned and attached. He wasn't completely sure how things worked- some kind of demonic blood-binding combined with exorcism seals, or whatever. 

He was thankful his limbs grew back, no matter how freakish it was. If not, by knowing he would only be a torso.

“Hey, monkey.”

He looked over to Bon’s cot, sending the guy a grin and waddling over.

“How's it going, roster? Have a good nap?”

Bon grimaced, pulling himself to sit up with obvious effort, considering how one of his arms was in a sling, “I wouldn't even still be here if that bitch Homare wasn’t forcing me.”

Rin huffed, “one of your pupils is a pinprick while the others basically the whole eye.”

Bon grumbled something along the lines of  _ I miss when he was gullible. _

Rin snorted, “rest for a few more days. You’ll be fine.”

“Not everyone has demonic healing like you do.”

“Jealous, much?”

Bon actually chuckled at that, though it was a bitter, mirthless thing, “if it meant being as big of an idiot as you? No thanks, Okumura.”

Rin grinned, tail wagging, but he didn’t say much else. He and Bon just sat in each other's company for a minute, relishing the fact that they were both still  _ alive.  _ It was more than a miracle.

“What's the word on Kamiki?”

Rin hummed, swinging his feet off the side of Bon’s bed- which he earned a slap upside the head for, “she’ll live. We found her clawed up with half her leg missing. She's lucky she got off with as little as she did, anything else and me and Shiemi wouldn’t have been able to save her.”

Bon let out a quiet breath through his nose, rubbing at the side of his head, the one swabbed in bandages with little peeks of bright crimson leaking through. Rin didn't say anything- he doubted they had the supplies to spare. It would just have to do. “Bloody hell. Didn't Moriyama also get hurt? It feels like every day I’m just waiting for the news that another one of us died.”

Rin didn't have anything to say to that. He didn’t want to tell Bon the truth… he was better off not knowing about the impending strike.

“It’ll all work out soon,” he patted Bon’s shoulder and hopped off the bed, ignoring the way Bon was giving him a weird look.

“You can't say that.”

He just kept grinning- because, sure as hell, no matter what choice he made, he be making fucking sure that not another one of his friends died (at least not before him), “gotta go,” he said, lazily, though his mind was whirring.

The strike…

He bit his lip, moving towards the doors-

“Okumura.”

He turned around. It was the glasses girl with the multicoloured hair and resting-bitch-face. Her eyes casually regarded Rin, though there had been a sternness to her voice that could only be associated with giving orders. Unconsciously, Rin felt his body tense.

Who  _ was  _ she?

She was that medic lady… shit, what was it that Bon said?  _ “That bitch Homare” _ ? That sounded right.

“What?” he stubbornly stuffed his hand into his pockets, regarding the woman seriously. He didn’t know her. Hell, he didn’t even know (okay- remember) her name up until a few minutes ago, and that was only cause Bon so uncharacteristically cursed her out.

“I was just wondering if you were leaving,” she said, eyes careful. “It's dangerous to be outside alone.”

Rin scrunched up his nose, “whats'it your business?”

Homare bowed respectfully, face not changing, “pardon my curiosity. I was just unaware that we were sending you out so soon after you get back… and I wished to know if something was happening.”

_ Something. _

Rin bristled at the subtle, unintentional, reminder of the strike. Shiemi said that while she spread the word, she didn't mention anything about Rin, or the proposition. So… why did he feel so weird? Who was this lady and what was her deal? Why did he have goosebumps?

“Unless ya can hear screaming then there ain’t nothing going on,” Rin said, bluntly, turning on his heel and walking away- towards Shiemi’s room, “stay outta my business.”

Rin normally wasn't this prickly- but under the circumstances, he thought it was fucking fine for him to show his fangs a little.

He stomped his way over to Shiemi’s room, eyeing Bon’s weird-ass teacher, who was napping on the ground. The guy surprisingly didn’t look much worse than he did back  _ then but _ , then again, he also looked like a dirty piece of shit back then, too. He let himself into Shiemi’s room without knocking; the locks had been broken since they first broke into the place. Shiemi was sitting at her desk, fiddling with some strong-smelling herbs that honestly made Rin feel a little faint. Must have been some demon-warding shit. 

“Rin?!” Shiemi asked, standing. The smell grew stronger as she got closer, but he sucked it down and didn’t say anything.

“Are you feeling okay? You look…” Shiemi looked down at her hands, covered in green smudges, and squeaked. She gathered up the herbs and took them into the bathroom with her, and Rin heard the sloshing of water, probably from a gross-ass bucket- but, hey, water was water. Sheimi took water priority since she was a doctor. The work she did with her plants was the reason for half the people in the building were alive.

When she came back, the smell was still there but significantly less strong. She had a worried look on her face as she attempts to guide him towards the bed.

“I’m fine,” Rin said, though he was forced to lean himself against the door as a round of dizziness took hold, “powerful stuff, huh?”

Shiemi blinked, “uh, yeah! Uh, I was just working on some last-minute demonic-sedatives, y’know, to keep us safe when we're traveling. The smell will ward away demons… and, um, maybe you can have a little nap on the journey?” She gave him a small, awkward smile- obviously, she hadn’t thought of how the words would affect him.

Not that it mattered.

“When is everyone leaving?”

Shiemi hummed, moving back over to her desk to fiddle with some less mind-numbing herbs, though Rin noticed how her eyes never truly left him, “I told everyone to start getting ready right away, but Tori-san said there was something wrong with two of the trucks. She said she’d get it all fixed up by today… but I’d guess we’re leaving tomorrow.”

They’d still have four days to get as far away from here as possible. Rin nodded.

“Seriously,” Shiemi came over to him again, hands lingering just beyond touching, “is something wrong?”

Rin couldn't look her in the eyes, “I’m gonna do it.”

Her immediate reaction was to grab his arm- a fierce look on her face. She opened her mouth-

He huffed to cut her off, “what if the trucks aren't working by tomorrow? What about Kamiki? Bon? Those two aren't fit for fighting. Even if everyone could start moving by tomorrow, where would we go? We have so many injured…”  
Shiemi clamped her mouth shut, sniffed, and tried to blink away her tears.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she sniffed again. Rin pretended not to notice the little drops of wetness on his shoulder.

“That's not your problem to fix.”

“It is,” came Rin’s gruff reply.

“It's not.” She pulled away, a fire lighting in her eyes.

“I…” the guilt of everything weighed heavily in his chest as the memory of the snowstorm all that time ago reared its ugly head. He opened his mouth, closed it, shuffled awkwardly, and cleared his throat.

“What?” Sheimi grabbed his cheek, forcing him to meet her eyes, “you can tell me anything. You know that.”

“This isn't something that's easy to tell.”

“Try me,” he liked the little fire that danced in her eyes. The absolute trust.

“I…” he bit his lip, “it’s my fault.”

“What?”

“Everything.”

“Rin…” Shiemi bit her lip, “you… you can't possibly think that. That's crazy. This, none of this,” she gestured to the room- as if this dinky, pitifully lonely room could encapsulate all that was wrong with the world, “is your fault. You can't blame yourself for what Yukio does! He's your brother… but he's not your responsibility. He's an adult. He's his own person. It’s not up to you to always take responsibility for him.”  
His silence spoke louder than any words could.

Sheimi’s fist suddenly slammed against his chest- not hard enough for her to have actually meant to hurt him, but just enough for the shock of it to register.

“You’re always doing this. Always blaming yourself… Rin, I already told you, this _ isn't your weight to carry _ ! It’s not your problem to fix! It’s-”

“But it  _ is- _ ” he hissed, and his fingers itched to push her away from him. He pushed them through his sloppy bangs, hiding the way they shook, “Yukio-” Rin cut himself off, huffing, his flames boiling just under the surface of his skin, “you don’t honestly think he managed to escape on his own, do you?”

Shiemi’s eyes grew wide and suddenly she realized everything he had been trying to say.

She stepped away from him, hands flinging to hide her mouth, but he had already seen the way her jaw dropped. He huffed, looking away, shoving his own face in his hands to hide himself from the shame welling up in him at his own words.

“You’re disgusted.”

Silence.

Then, “no.”

Gentle hands were touching his face, prying at his hands, pulling, and the girl- _woman_ \- gasped as she saw the little flakes of blood etched into his fingernails from where they had dug into his scalp. She didn't do anything, knowing the wounds would have already closed.

“I’m not disgusted- I would never, ever, be disgusted by you, Rin. I’ve already told you how I feel about this,” she whispered bringing him in closer so that he could see the bright green flakes of her eyes.

Rin looked up at her, shocked, sick, disgusted in himself, “what?”

“It's not your burden to carry,” she reached the side table and grabbed a cloth, brushing away the blood on his fingers, “you didn’t know what was going to happen, Rin. And even if it did turn out bad… well, I still think that you did the right thing, at the moment.”

There was this stupid little smile on her face, one that said she believed every word she was saying.

“Don’t you remember? Everyone was planning on recusing Yukio that day. You just beat us there. If you hadn't done that… then all of us would be feeling that guilt right now. And if they hadn’t come- then I would have. Even alone, if I had to. But… I’ve never told anyone this…” she looked away, not quite blushing, but perhaps a younger Shiemi would have, “I’ve always regretted that day. Not doing anything to help him.”

She took in a deep breath, and Rin saw her for the young woman she had become- independent, headstrong, always so, so damned kind. Why did Shiemi keep surprising him? Had he really been underestimating her this whole time? He knew he so well… she was his best friend! Yet, at the same time, he felt like she was someone completely different. New. But he didn't dislike the strength she always managed to pull out of nowhere in the darkest situations.

“I used to think about him a lot… still do, up until this day. I would think about how lonely he probably was. Trapped there, waiting to die… thinking about how all his friends had abandoned him…” her mouth parted and he knew what she wanted to say - that it was exactly what they had down to Rin, once upon a time.

He had confidence in her how dark those days had been several years ago. She’d said she could never look at that time of her life the same way again.

“You did the right thing. Saving Yukio was the right thing,” she said again, stern. Fully believing those words, no matter how blasphemous they had become. The rest of the world would rather see her die than hear her say such words about the man who condemned them all to hell.

“And I want to do the right thing again,” was all he could manage to say, “I can’t… I can’t let all of you die. Not for me.”

Shiemi hugged him again, wrapping her arms tight around his neck, so tight that he could barely breathe. Rin wrapped his own arms around her, lighter, but with the same warmth, the same intensity. 

He was okay with holding his breath.

\---

It was Friday night.

Rin knew he shouldn't have waited this long, but he couldn't help himself. He wasn’t just going to run away when the people here were still suffering. So he had taken his time, using the few precious days given to him to cross his T’s and dot his I’s and tie up all the loose strings that he’d eventually need to climb a mountain with.

He’d said goodbye to everyone, in his own little way. He and Shiemi hadn’t spoken since that night in her room, but that was okay. He thought maybe he should use his time better, spend it with her while he could… but the way they left it off just felt… right.

He had spent the next day with Koneko and Bon. Bon had finally been released from the medical-bay, and so they ran circles around his dizzy, wobbly-ass, laughing even though they had work to do. They packed up his stuff and loaded it into the trucks. They were leaving the base just as late autumn was setting in- not a convenient time for many, but since Rin was a fire demon everyone was content to push the cold work onto him.

He didn’t mind, for once.

Kamiki had woken up on Thursday. 

She was somehow better at walking with a prosthetic than Bon was with his own two feet. Bon got a round of joking remarks for that- mostly from a smug Kamiki who Rin thought was just hiding her own anguish- as she always insulted people to hide her own feelings. But she was alive, and nobody took that for granted.

When he had gone to talk with her (an informal goodbye- she had been pretty delirious after he had cauterized her wounds, and didn’t remember much beyond knowing that Shima had shown up at some point, leaving only Shiemi truly knowing what Rin was going to do) she had cussed him out for being late on the battlefield, though it didn't hold any fire. He laughed at how snarky she was, just like how she used to be.

She’d be just fine.

Then it was Friday, and Rin knew he’d be going.

There wasn't much that belonged to him, but he still snuck some stuff into Shiemi’s luggage- so that she could have a part of him with her, and maybe pass on something to the others. He left her with his prized apron, the delinquent-like-pins from his backpack, his favourite, worn-out, ripped, and waterlogged manga, and a picture of him and Yukio that the two of them had taken after moving into the old True Cross Dorms. Yukio looked pissed. It was hilarious. He had this huge grin on his face that he didn't even think he’d be able to make anymore.

He didn’t tell her about any of it; just hid it away so that she’d have a nice surprise for later. 

She walked him to the doors. The day was almost over- with the sun already set and most people turning in since they'd all be leaving early Saturday morning. Shiemi had patted his arm, awkwardly, then the two of them had hugged it out. No words were said they weren't needed.

Rin shrugged on his worn-down black jacket and slipped his backpack over one shoulder. It had a change of clothes, some food, and a picture of their old Exwire class. And one of Yukio’s old guns. Rin had found it back at the dorm shortly after Yukio’s ‘disappearance’. He’d forgotten to pack it. It had quickly become his favourite possession. 

“I’m off,” he said, grinning.

Shiemi smiled widely- though he saw the underlying wetness in her eyes. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t have any damp spots, himself, but Rin was okay with being a liar. 

“Come home safely,” she replied as if he was just going to work for the day.

_ Home. _

“I’ll… try.”

He turned his face away so he wouldn’t have to lie to her anymore… or at least not to her face. He bit his lip- they both knew he wouldn't get the chance to even try.

And with a little flick of a wave over his shoulder, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry I was supposed to post this yesterday but I caught up doing housework and then I had to go to work-work in the evening... so I completely forgot! But, I'm here! So... ya.   
> Um, maybe I should but a trigger warning on this chapter. So, yeah, that's your trigger warning. :)

Homare watched him go from the pitiful first-floor room she had been given. 

The exorcists here had decided that since she would be presiding over the medical needs to the group along with that blonde tamer girl, she should be as close to the medical ward as possible, if not in it. Of course, they couldn't spare the room for patients, and so here she was, in a craphole of a room that was more or less a run-down shadow of a hospital room. 

Honestly, the conditions of this place were horrendous. She was almost glad she had volunteered for the espionage position, as it saved her comrades from having to experience it themselves.

The despair that loomed over the remnants of True Cross was more suffocating than demonic miasma. In her days serving under Commander Lucifer before Master Okumura took the throne of Gehenna, she had never seen such things. But his rule changed that. His rule changed a lot of things.

If it weren't for her loyalty to the crown and to the Commander, she would have rebelled against Master Okumura years ago. He had brought nothing but pain to the world, both on the sides of the demons and humans. The Illuminati wanted to do good, and they  _ had  _ been… but he changed that. 

First he wasn’t so bad- perhaps touched by teenage “edge”as they called it, but nonetheless a man of high moral principle and enough skill and power to be claimed useful by their organization.

Now… he was nothing more than a raving lunatic, drunk on greed and power. 

And lust.

She almost felt sympathetic towards the eldest twin, watching as he stole himself into the night, dooming himself to a fate not even she wanted to know the extent of. He was throwing himself into the pit of lions. Willingly. He had more honour than she had originally anticipated- and, occasionally, she found herself wondering how the world could have been different, if it was the elder twin who had sought solace in the Illuminati that night.

She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling a headache no doubt worming its way into her skull. She pulled out her cell phone, punching in the numbers. He answered on the first ring. 

_ “Report?” _

He seemed eager. Of course. Master Okumura was obsessed with Okumura Rin. 

She had not been sent to infiltrate the remnants for fear of their prowess. She had been sent here, after receiving extensive medical lessons, for fear that Okumura Rin would be injured. They could not hold back their attack on him, for that would give away Master Okumura’s true desire and, in turn, his greatest weakness. Of course all demons were carefully instructed to leave no lasting or fatal damage, but Master Okumura still had the concern of Okumura Rin’s powers not healing his wounds, as he had long since stopped using the Kurikara blade. They knew not the consequences of him doing so.

“He has left the building. I can only presume he is on his to you…”

There was silence for a long time. Several minutes, judging by the continuing timer on her phone.

She presumed the master was dealing with his elevation. For his failing lucidity, Master 

Okumura still kept himself professional. If it weren’t for the occasional psychotic break filled with the mad, feverish ravings of a lunatic, she would have thought him sane. She was sure those too low in command to spend personal time with him thought so. That was how he held his power; insanity carefully blanketed by professionalism.

_ “... do you have more to say?” _

She did.

“I… am concerned that he may not… know where to go.”

_ “You placed the tracker?” _

Of course. “Yes.” When had she ever not followed orders?

_ “Then it will be dealt with.” _

The line cut off. Homare set down her phone and looked out the window once more, finding that Okumura Rin was no longer in sight.

She had to return to pack for the new base that the remnants would occupy awaited. While her objective of watching the elder Okumura was now finished, she had not been given orders to end infiltration. She would stay away from Master Okumura for as long as she could. For her own sanity.

…

She hoped-

~~ She hoped that Okumura Rin would be able to do something.  ~~

~~ She didn't know who else could. Who else would try? ~~

~~ She wanted the world to go back to how it was. ~~

~~ She wanted… ~~

~~ She wanted Master Okumura to find peace. Either that or to die. ~~

~~ The world would be better off if he were dead.  _ He  _ would be better off if he were dead. ~~

\---

They had found him.

Rin was expecting to somehow manage to find  _ them,  _ but rather, a large white airship suddenly signaled overhead, it’s lights blurred by the sudden showers that overtook the forest. Rin, of course, had forgotten an umbrella. He figured that, soon enough, he'd have to worry more about the snow than anything.

For instance; during his escape.

Because he would totally escape. Maybe. Depending on if everyone got away… and they weren’t found again. He’d be making sure to check, to grapple onto every bit of information on the resistance that he could, If he ever found out that they were safe, outside of Yukio’s reach, then he would make his move.

Until then, he would sit and wait. Never losing sight of the fact that he was doing this to protect everyone. And for that, he wouldn't mind dying. Or being tortured. Or whatever Yukio had in mind for him.

Rin fought against all his instincts, built up over the last five years of hit-and-run combat, to get the hell away from the Illuminati ship. He didn't, instead  _ calmly  _ stepping backward as it nearly crushed him, and watching with a wary eye as the deck slowly unraveled itself from the ship, descending like the mighty staircase to Heaven.

A single silhouette arose in those bright lights, and the aching in Rin’s chest meant that it could only be a person.

“...Yukio?” he whispered, watching the form elegantly step down the stairs, towards him. He caught sight of white, covering his body and down to his legs where it turned black again. The dark brown of his hair. The reflection of his glasses against the light. The bright teal eyes that revealed when he stepped into the darkness of the rain. The little moles dotting his cheeks.

Rin didn't realize how much he missed this face.

Without even realizing what he was doing, as if in a trance, he started walking forward- then running, his underqualified sneakers smooshing against muddy, rain-soaked grass. He didn’t care. He’d faced worse than soppy socks- and it wasn’t like he’d get sick, anyways. He had a demonic immune system.

His hands outstretched and he grabbed his brother by the arms- staring him up and down and  _ oh god _ the incredulous expression, the askew glasses and the wide-eyed, annoyed look. The tensing of the shoulders but the relaxing of the lips, not quite a smile.

“Yukio,” he breathed.

He hugged him. It was like the last five years didn't happen.

Until his brother chuckled in his ear, returning the hug. He’d never sounded like that, before. So dark. Like bitter black coffee running over a road of pebbled blood clots.

The pain, suffering, blood, torment, adrenaline…  **death** . It all came rushing back and Rin realized just who this was… just  _ what  _ his precious twin had become.

He tried to pull away from the hug. He couldn’t. Yukio’s arms were like heavy steel bars, keeping him in place- when had gotten so  _ strong _ ?

“ _ Rin _ ,” the voice purred- it… it sounded like  **_HIM._ ** That little insane edge that lingered in the shadows of his voice. His mind echoed back to  _ that  _ night. Rin wanted to puke. “I should have known you wouldn’t think to bring an umbrella. You always were forgetful like that.”

The hug grew tighter, as if Yukio was somehow trying to dry Rin off with his equally-soaked clothing, toweling him dry with a grey-with-water coat and a face filled with sloppy, water-dripping bangs.

“Moley four-eyes!” he hissed, struggling, tail flailing. It was caught gently by silken gloved fingers, and Rin froze in his tracks, “let-let go!” 

Yukio didn’t. Instead, his fingers gently trailed along the length of the appendage- light as feathers yet grip strong enough that Rin didn't dare try to move, not with his precious, frail tail already caught.

He could  _ feel  _ the grin resting against the side of his face, “you’re the one whos started this in the first place. Now come along, Rin. You need to get dry. Before you get sick.”

Rin didn’t move, even as Yukio experimentally tugged backward- not breaking the hug.

“You don't damn well I ain’t gonna get sick. Now let go- we need to talk about this!”

“Not until we’re inside,” and there was his I-am-your-teacher-voice. His I’m-smart-so-listen-to-me-voice. The voice that Rin hated. It wasn’t the voice that a little brother was supposed to use when addressing his elder.

Rin managed to worm his hands-free and braced them against his twins chest, managing to create a little gap between them using some of his demonic strength. His tail was still desperately caught- and Rin knew he wasn't going anywhere. But he wasn't trying to go anywhere, he just wanted to speak to his twin.

“Yukio…” he stared at his brother, frowning, “Yukio… what happened to you?!”

Yukio frowned. 

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re… let go!” Rin grabbed his tail and snatched it out of his brother’s hands, bristling, “the fuck is wrong with you, Yukio?! You’re… you sound like  _ Satan _ , do you know that?”

Rin took a step back at the mention of that name. Satan was reportedly dead- long dead. But it still never changed the creeps that ran down his spine at the mere thought of his birth father.

“Rin, don’t move away from me.”

“I will do whatever the hell I damn please, Yukio! You’re… you've been acting all crazy. Starting a war?! Taking over the throne?! Do you know how many people you killed? You threatened the lives of all my friends- all  _ our  _ friends just to get me here. What the hell?! I mean- I would have talked to you if you just  _ asked _ … but you won't even listen to me!” he didn't even realize how hospital he sounded until his broken, hoarse voice echoed back to his ears. His hands gripped his jacket until the knuckles went white, and he bit his lip.

“I tried to reach out to you, Yukio. I tried to talk to you… but you kept pushing me away! Now you suddenly come back into my life, like  _ this _ ?!” he gestured all around them, at the absurdness of it all.

“Rin…”

“Stop, stop saying my name _ like that _ !” 

“Like  _ what _ , Nii-san?” Yukio stepped forward and Rin pushed him away. The familiar title was just  _ too much. _

(The image of Kuro’s paw prints, fading away and untraceable echoed in his mind.)

“Don’t talk to me like you’re the same Yukio from before… cause you’re not! I don't know you! I don't know what you've turned into!”

(Izumo, slumped against the wall. A hole in her chest. Then days later. The flatness of the sheets where her leg should have been.)

“You… do you even realize what you’ve done?”

(Bon’s eyes, mismatched, one black the other fully brown, no pupil existing. The splotches of red on pristine white bandages.)

Yukio’s glasses flashed with light and Rin couldn't see his eyes. He didn't want to.

“You told me to run, Nii-san.”

(Shiemi, crumpled against the wall, kimono stained red.)

“I didn’t tell you to _ take over the world _ !”

“I had to. Satan was a threat- not just to me or to you but to everyone.”

“ _ You’re  _ a threat to everyone… Yukio!”

He wasn't sure if the rain had suddenly turned warm against si cheeks, or if he was crying. He was more comfortable saying it was the rain. Yukio couldn't feel that heat- couldn't tell what was what. Could his twin even really see him? He wasn't looking at him, was he?

“I did it to protect-”

Rin wanted to throw up.

(Shura pushing him out of the way as a wall of blue flames rose forward; they weren't his own. She screamed. Rin swore he would never pull Kurikara again; not if it meant seeing Yukio again.)

His lungs choked on air and he felt it sting all the way down his throat, He couldn’t think. The memory kept playing over and over and over and over and over-

(The screaming stopped. Blood slammed against his face, his eye, forcing him to close them. It was warm.)

“You killed Shura.”

(“Nii-san. Nii-san? It’s okay now-”)

His flames sparkled weakly against his flesh.

“And then… you send Shima- Shima, who:” his breath caught.

(Shima, stabbing his flames through Izumo’s chest. Grabbing her. Running away for cover behind Lucifer. Grinning at them as he told them he was the Illuminati spy, all along.)

“You get him to say that you  _ love me?  _ After all you've done?!”

He grabbed his sword- because there was no point in no drawing it. Not when Yukio was already  _ right here.  _ Rin didn't know what he was getting into when he came here… but he thought he knew, now.

It would be better for everyone if Satan’s spawn didn't exist. Neither of them.

Yukio moved faster than he expected- first, his twin is there standing in front of him and refusing to look him in the eyes. Then, the air swished and there was a cold gloved-hand smacking against his face, over his eyes- pulling his head back and up and exposing his neck-

“I  _ do  _ love you, Nii-san.”

Pain prickled. His heart rate sped up.

“Yukio-”

Steel arms around him again as suddenly his knees gave out. The world swirling and his vision was lost in a colourful array of light and dark and the flashes of light reflecting off raindrops.

He couldn't even put up a struggle as his body was lifted off the ground.

“But I think we’re going to have to do something about this…  _ attitude _ , Nii-san.”

He tried to blink. But his eyes didn't open again.

\--

Something was tugging his feet. He groaned, rolled, kicking, but a hand on his shoulder pushed down, stubbornly forcing him to stay lying on his back.

More pulling. Suddenly his foot was met with stark cold air. 

“What…?” he asked teeth clattering.

“You shouldn’t have been running around in the rain, Nii-san.”

“Shuddap Yuki,” he groaned, rolling over. There were no clocks from what he could see out of the little cracks in his eyes, but his internal clock was pushing him back into bed, telling him that school wouldn’t be starting for a few more hours.

More pulling at his feet. His other foot was drenched in the cold. Then, awkwardly, figgers grabbed at his  _ sock  _ (since when had they been wet? Ew!) and  _ pulled. _

“Hey!” he growled, failing in an attempt to sit up- and he found that this time, he was allowed to.

Yukio stared back at him, holding a damp sock between two fingers and looking at it like it was the most disgusting thing in the world. He blinked. Was he late for school?

Rin blinked.

Yukio?

School?

Socks?

_ Huh? _

“Wha- where are we…?” his head was suddenly dizzy, and Yukio pushed him back down. He barely got a glimpse of where they were, but, well, it certainly wasn't the dorms.

“Be still, Nii-san.”

Yukio had thrown his sock away and was reaching for the other one.

“What are you doing?!”

“Obviously we need to dry you off,” Yukio huffed, “you’re going to get sick.”

“Sick..>?” he couldn't get sick, could he? Then, again, his head was pounding and he felt like he was going to throw up. He sniffled and rolled, squirming to get his ankle out of Yukio’s… strangely warm, tight grasp.

“You were running around in the rain, so naturally you’re drenched. You need to change clothes before you catch a cold.”

Fingers gently ran along his calf, and he squirmed more.

“I… I can do it myself!”

“Hm, can you?”

Yukio tugged off his other socks, and ran his fingers up the underside of his foot- and Rin chortled.

“I’m ticklish! You know what!” he kicked his brother off, but his strength wasn't all there. He knew Yukio could have easily fought off the attack, but acquiesced, anyways. “And I'm not sick, neither.”

“Well…” Yukio was standing now- and, shit, he was taller than Rin remembered. But… wait, what? Why did he get the feeling that… it had been a long time since he saw Yukio?

It had been… how long has it been? It felt like months, years, but it couldn't have been more than a day.

“I’ll just have to fix that, ne?”

“Fix what?” he blinked, feeling a bit woozy. Was the world… shifting? Or was that just him? He sat up and realized that they were in a plain-ish room, with him being on a bed in the middle of it all. The walls were plain, dark grey, but everything else was a mixture of white sand blues.

It looked… weird. Foreign. The air was light and thin and smelled faintly of rubber.

“Where…?”

Yukio had trodden off to the side of the room, near a table with… something metal on it. But Rin couldn't see much other than from the angel.

“The Dominus Liminis, an airship. We're currently en route to my castle in Tokyo… it should take us another day to get there.”

“Another… day? How long have we-”

“Two days. The sedative I originally used was rather… potent.” Yukio picked something up and inspected it...and Rin gulped when he saw that it was a vial filled with an auspicious amber liquid, “but I think it worked rather well, huh? How do you feel?”

“Queasy,” he responded, “and… I don't remember what happened. Sedative?” he felt his stomach drop, “is everything… okay?”

“No memories? Perfect. I’ve read that it can have that effect, and I’m glad to see it worked out,” Yukio moved across the table, and Rin preened at it, realized now that it had several pieces of medical equipment on it. He picked up a clear vial, and shook it, watching as the bubbles shifted in the thick liquid, “I might use it again, then…”

“Huh? On me?!” Rin shifted up in the bed, but his muscles were weak and tired. His head spun and he glared at his twin. What the fuck was happening? Something felt very… wrong.

“Well, of course. Not that I’ll only be using that… you’ll need something else to induce fever...”

“Fever?”

Yukio turned to smile at him, the expression so innocent and joyful that Rin almost relaxed at the sight of it. Since when had he seen his twin so… happy?

“How else am I to prevent your escape, Nii-san? It’s not like I can amputate your limbs… they’d just grow back,” he lightly fingered a bone-saw that, for some reason, Rin recognized faintly. He’d seen… Izumo… what? Why did that saw remind him of Izumo- “besides, then you wouldn't be the Nii-san I want, hm?”

“You… _want_?”

Cut off his legs? What was he talking about?

Yukio languidly moved over to him, hips swinging and eyes lidded. Rin couldn't do much to fight against it as his twin crawled partway up the bed, reaching out to grab him and lightly pushed him down onto the mattress; and Rin found he had none of the strength he needed to worm away.

“Well, I can't have you tainted by something like fear or pain, can I? I promised that I would always,  _ always  _ protect you. And to do that…” he ran fingers down his cheek, warm and cold and soothing yet somehow… revulsion. Rin tried to stretch his face away at sunset. Yukio frowned and cupped his chin in a gentle yet firm hold, “you still need some work, huh? I want you to be your normal self, Nii-san, I really, really do. But I also know you’ll never be compliant like that, so some… grooming will be needed.”

Yukio leaned in and smiled at him, face all too close for comfort, “it’s a good thing I’m such a good teacher, huh?” he pecked him on the forehead, “just you wait. In a month, you’ll never want to leave my side.”

And then he was off him. Rin was so stunned by the whole thing that he couldn't even move, couldn't even speak.

Was that actually his brother… or had a demon possess him?! Satan?! Rin had to, he had to-

(Deep down, he knew it was his brother.)

“Of course for now…” Yukio rolled a cart over to the bed, which Rin realized, with a sinking feeling in his gut, held instruments for  _ surgery.  _ A scalp, stitches, gauze, sanitizer. And a little blinking chip. “I need to put some reassurances in place. Knowing you, Nii-san, you’ll try to run away… and, well,” he picked up the chip, showing it to Rin with all the joy of a child pretending their findings to a parent, “I need to be able to find you again!”

Rin gulped, “h-hell, no, Yukio. If you’re thinking what I think…!”

“It’s okay, Nii-sam!” Yukio laughed, smiling brightly as he poked him, once again, on the forehead before ruffling his hair, “with your demonic healing, by the time we get back home you won't even know it’s there! Trust me!”

His twin reached down and grabbed a pair of gloves and a syringe. His freehand suddenly came from nowhere, smacking into Rings's forehead and slamming the back of his head down as he whipped up and sat himself on Rin's stomach.

“Not that you’ll remember any of this anyway… or else I would have taken a lot more precautions. But that's okay… I've already devised a drug that should fade your memories until you can remember nothing but the time  _ we spend together.  _ Then, everything will be perfect, We’ll be so happy!”

Yukio leaned in, and as he pressed the syringe to Rinse neck, he also pressed his lips to his cheek.

“Just me and you, Nii-san.”

_ \--- _

Rin awoke slowly, consciousness drifting happily as he sunk further into the soft, warm heaven below him. His tail wagged, floating lazily across silken sheets, until warm, quick fingers grabbed it and gently ran along the appendage, petting softly in the way that Shiemi always did…

And Rin purred, diving deeper into the soft pillow beneath him for more warmth, more comfort, more everything. His body was so, so exhausted, so weighed down by fatigue he didn't know existed; but it felt good. Good, since he was laying down on a cloud with nothing but a care in the world.

Him warm, gentle fingers brushing against his tail and then his back and settling to neatly comb through his hair, fingernails perfectly scraping against his scalp.  Was this how Kuro felt, when in pet him? He was surprised that the cat sidthe didn't demand it more often- if Rin was in this position, he'd always want this.

Ah, but he was a human. Who had to do human things.

With a groan, he realized that, with his luck, it was probably a school day. He rolled and shifted, the finger in his hair stilling.

“Nii-san?”

Only one person ever called him that; his favourite little brother! His only little brother, but Rin loved him like he was a favourite among thousands. But, really, he thought it was Shiemi gently petting him- cause, y'know, it was such a Shiemi thing to do.

But for it to be Yukio? Rin wasn't sure whether or not he was comfortable with that.

“Are you awake?” Yukio asked, gently, rubbing at his scalp a little bit.

“Mmm, do we have school?”

“... no.” Yukio almost sounded pleased. Ah, the nerd finally decided to give in the glory that was the weekend!

“Then no,” he murmured back, turning away and grappling the blankets up to his neck. There was a little itchy ache there, right at the back… and with a yawn, he scratched it.

“Maybe you should get up anyways, Nii-san. You’ve been sleeping for a long time.”

“Hm?”

“Nii-san.”

Yukio pushed him a little and Rin moaned in dissatisfaction at being roused any more than the already was, but allowed himself to crack an eye open…

And immediately felt confused.

He looked around, blinking owlishly. He was in a room that he didn’t recognize. It was all fancy, with walls such a navy blue that they were partially black, and crisp white tiles. Nothing hung on the wall aside from detailed, satin-looking blue curtains, and all the furniture seemed strangely devoid of personalization. He was sitting on a bed, which made it a  _ bed _ room, but oddly, it didn’t seem like anyone had ever lived here before- especially considering how annoyingly clean it was.

“Where are we?” he asked, turning to his twin and blinking. His eyes took too long and too much effort to reopen.

“We are in my home.”

“... home?”

Yukio pushed up his glasses, standing, “ah, how could I forget? The drug I used can cause confusion in demons. And, as I suspect, memory loss… temporary. _ Probably _ .”

Despite the warmth of the bed he was in, Rin felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him.

“Drug…?”

“You were falling into a panic attack. I didn’t want to have to hurt you.” Yukio replied, simply, as if it was of no concern whatsoever. 

Rin didn’t know what to say. He sneezed.

Yukio  _ tsked  _ with his tongue, marching over to the bed to place a too-cold hand on Rin’s forehead. He sighed. “I told you that you’d get sick, Nii-san. You should have been more careful.”

Something wasn't right. Like, really, really, wasn’t right. There was this sickening hole in his stomach- turning off every alarm bell his body had to offer.

Yukio…?

Why was he acting so  _ normal _ ? Like… he used to…

_ Used to? _

(This was how Yukio has always been. The diligent little brother. He was even an exorcist-)

His mind was a foggy mess. His body ached for more warmth and more sleep. What was he doing here, again? On a bed… hmm, bed. Soft.

“Not sick,” he mumbled- the second sneeze he let out certainly didn't help his case.

Yukio rubbed at the bridge of his nose, probably fighting off a headache, “he's here for half a day…” he mumbled to himself, before looking up, “I’ll go grab some medicine. There are clothes on the dresser, I want you to change into them.  _ Stay here _ . You can sleep if you want, but just  _ don't leave.” _

His brother seemed a little too annoyed to argue with, so Rin just sat there, watching as he stomped out of the room. He was wearing some fancy button-up shirt, though it… didn’t look like their school uniform.

What was going on?

Unsure of what else to do, Rin stood up and considered wobbling out of the room anyway, cause since when did he ever listen to Yukio?

But his head was filled with cotton balls and his legs shaky, so Rin allowed himself to collapse back onto the bed. Usually, he wouldn’t be allowing him to just be sitting around, but…

The door opened almost silently. It was only through the trained corners of his vision that Rin saw Yukio enter. He was carrying a tray of things, though Rin focused mainly on the little trails of steam rising from a cup of tea. His twin set down the tray on the bedside table and turned to Rin with an expectant glance.

“Drink.”

The cup was held out to him. Rin sniffed and didn’t take it.

“What is it?”

“Something to bring down your fever.”

Ruin’s eyes trailed onto the tray- there were some pills in a plastic capsule, a little dish of powder, some water…

“And that?”

“To help flush the drug out of your system. And some pain relievers, since you mentioned a headache.”

Was it… okay to take this much medicine all at the same time? Well, Rin was a half-demon, so he metabolized things quickly… and Yukio was also an exorcist  **doctor** , so he had to know what he was doing, right? Doctors knew about this stuff… 

The tea was shoved into his hands and Rin sulked, pretending that the warmth of the mug wasn't the least bit comforting. He took a sip; it was overly sweet in a stale, manufactured way, and his tongue instantly recoiled. But… his head felt better. Or, rather, weirder. Not pained, but stuffy and woozy and gross. He couldn't think right. Something in the back of his mind was  _ screaming  _ at him- but… he just couldn’t  _ remember  _ what exactly it was. His neck  **_itched_ ** .

It exactly the feeling of stepping into a room and completely forgetting what you were going to do there.

He drank his tea, relishing in the way it soothed his aches and made the room stop spinning. Every sip seemed to make it taste better, strangely. Yukio was doing something on the tray, mixing the powder and the water and- fuck, Rin hoped he didn't have to drink that. It smelled weird. All of his demonic instincts were screaming  _ danger danger danger- _

But this was Yukio. This was his little brother, his twin. This was the person he trusted more than anybody else. 

_ He was a doctor. _

So when Yukio took away his finished tea and expectantly pushed the cool glass of water- now pink from the mixed-in powder - in his hands, Rin sniffed and took a sip. It didn't taste like anything, strangely enough. He was about to stop drinking for a breath and a question when Yukio placed his finger on the bottom of the glass and tipped it upwards- nearly suffocating his brother and forcing him to  drink it all, lest he drown.

“You need to take all of it,” were the only words of explanation.

The glass finally left his lips, empty, Rin couldn't even bring himself to say anything, too busy on forcing air back into his lungs.

“Are you crazy?!” he hissed, coughing and sputtering, “you could have drowned me!”

Yukio didn’t look too concerned- really, he didn’t seem concerned about anything except for the fever. Not even… the memory loss…

“I would have stopped before that could happen.”  
Something sunk to the bottom of his stomach- and suddenly the word _‘trust’_ felt stale and absent in his mind.

“Yukio…” Rin asked, eyes narrowing.

His brother stood, though he didn't move away. He instead pulled back covered on the bed and pushed Rin back- right when an unexpected wave of drowsiness hit him.

“We can talk in the morning,” Yukio said, eyes tight as he pushed Rin into a settled position, “you need to rest now.”

He didn’t want to  _ rest _ \- Rin wanted to argue, but his eyes were already slipping shut.

The thought that consumed him even when falling asleep- was that he wanted to puke. He wanted to run and fight and scream and scratch because something was  _ wrong  _ and he just… couldn't put his finger on… it…

The last thing he felt was Yukio carding his fingers through his hair- and then the softness of the pillow beneath his head took him.

_ \--- _

_ His breath came out in sharp pants. Rin dove and weaved, his sword slicing through soft demonic flesh and blue flames coating his body in a layer of warm, firey protection. No enemies dared come too close, for they knew they’d be burned to a crisp if they attempted it- and Rin knew well that demons who were slain by blue flames weren’t simply exorcised back to Gehenna. They were slaughtered, forever. Unable to regenerate themselves. _

_ Still- the increasingly annoying horde of Goblins and Ghouls were starting to push him back. Rin couldn't remember the last time he had been so fatigued. Normally small-fry demons like this weren't too much of a hassle, but there were thousands of them, swarming the campus like the plague. _

_ “Shura?!” he hissed, needing backup, and fast. He sent out a wave of blue flames, as large and deadly as he could. It wiped out a hundred at most. Not enough. _

_ He could see the dance of fiery red hair between the trees, just far away enough to get out of the immediate danger of the horde. Still, Shura was fighting some disgusting glob of what looked like anthropomorphic tar- a demon Rin had never heard of. Probably middle-high class, if he had to guess.  _

_ That wasn’t an option. He turned, looking for any of the others. Bon, Koneko, Shiemi… hell, he’d even take Angel at this point, because even if the bastard wouldn’t care about him dying, he’d certainly help keep the hoard from attacking the school. _

_ He couldn't see anybody who wasn’t already overwhelmed in a fight of their own. Rin’s instincts kicked up and he immediately wanted to run off to help a struggling Koneko, but right then a ghoul decided to pounce, aiming to bite his left leg - probably to bring him to the ground where he could be fully swarmed. Rin brought down his sword and sliced the dog’s head off, ignoring the splatter of rotten blood that caked his legs and chest.  _

_ He rolled when a group of goblins launched themselves, and then brought down his sword on another ghoul and sent a wave of fire taller than himself at the goblins. He panted.  _

_ There was no end of them. _

_ He saw the first tower of True Cross fall. It slammed against the ground, nearly causing an earthquake of destruction. He heard screams. An entire neighborhood was shot up in flames. It was spreading. _

**True Cross was falling.**

_ Rin’s mind tore back to the battlefield as a swarm of Coal Tar slammed against his face. He groaned, swatting them away like they were flies but the organized chaos somehow managed to stay right where they wanted to. Something slammed into his stomach and Rin’s head cracked against the ground.  _

_ All he heard was laughter before the darkness enveloped him. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii  
> So  
> For some reason Archive doesn't recognize when I paste strike-throughs into the rich text editor, and I dunno where all my strike-throughs are in the story, cause, y'know, I wrote these months ago.   
> I put in some that I noticed while copying my chapter but honestly there are probably some that I didn't see so if you see anything that seems kinda fucked up and out of place it might be somewhere where a strike-through was. Not just for this chapter but for the whole story. :))))
> 
> Edit: I love it when Grammarly just straight up deletes the word I'm correcting and then changes where I am on my page so I can't find what it deleted. :))

Instead, Yukio sighed.

It had been a long, tiring day. A long, tiring process with many failures and an unsteady future- but it had worked. Finally, it had worked.

Nii-san was sleeping dutifully in the room adjacent to Yukio’s fully under his influence and seemingly without his memories. Good. That was exactly what he had planned- the little concoction that he had whipped up in the very likely event that Rin would struggle against him.

If he knew anything, it was medicine and his brother.

His boots clicked against the floor as he marched back to his room- there was not a single soul in the hallway. He had warded off the area and disobeyed any subordinates from entering. He couldn’t risk someone coming into contact with Rin when he was fragile in his trust and without grooming… it could end his entire plan.

Yes, he would have to bring others here, eventually. Most likely the first would be Shima- an old friend. Someone Rin could trust and confidence in. And the monk was a far better liar than Yukio had known when they went to school together. He would be able to play the part of a dutiful friend for Rin in his time of needs- and even help convince Rin of his eventual future of staying here. With Yukio. Forever.

(Forever, indeed, because who knows if he and his brother were subject to the same ageing as mortals? After all, they were demons.)

He just needed to work out the full extent of the cover story- and then relate it to all those who would be coming in contact with Rin. The suddenness of Rin’s arrival in his grasp had left him without a plan- not for a lack of trying, it was simply that his ideas on how to best the idea with such a troublesome brother often changed, and Rin had come early. Yukio had yet to set everything up- but eventually, he would. Starting with aligning the pawns pieces which would guard his queen. There wouldn't be many; Yukio wouldn’t allow any more than the bare minimum needed to keep his brother healthy and happy and docile.

And then we would slowly take them away, one by one to make sure his brother didn’t notice the slow descent of people until there was just Yukio. Just Rin and Yukio.

He entered his room and immediately went to his desk- it was an organized workspace of herbs and liquids and beakers. 

He had to make more of his brother's medicine.

He needed it to keep Rin safe. Safe safe safe safe safe safe safe safe safe safe- here,  _ with him _ . He would be safe. He  _ was  _ safe, so long as he was with Yukio. Yukio would always keep him safe.

That was his job, ever since they were little kids. He had to keep Rin safe. Rin had done so much, protecting him from his bullies and hiding under his blankets with him when Yukio saw goblins and ghouls and coal to floating in the air.

And now it was his turn.

Rin didn’t understand, wouldn't, of course. His brother had never been particularly intelligent. But that was okay because Yukio was. Rin was everything Yukio wasn’t, and Yukio was everything Rin wasn’t. They were two halves of the same person- really, instead of two twins, spawned of the same woman, they were the one child split in half.

Rin was strong and brave and loved trusted. He was loving and gentle and always looking out for others. He was stupid and emotional, and those were his weaknesses. His too-open heart that anybody could worm their way into.

Yukio was dark and powerful and conniving. He was intelligent, smart enough to cover his weaknesses and hide his imperfections. He was hated but used fear as a tool for success. He didn't have weaknesses like emotions or love. He was selfish to all but one person. Rin.

He would protect him. Always. 

He just… needed to keep him docile. For now. Rin wouldn't understand- at least not now when the wounds were fresh. But that was okay because Yukio was a doctor, he knew how to heal those wounds. He knew all the medications Rin would need to forget that pain and just stay here, with Yukio. Where he would be safe.

He remembered Rin mentioning something of a birthday present, the day he let Yukio free. The day he gifted Yukio the freedom of becoming what he was now; what he had always been but had never known.

It made him laugh.   
He supposed, in a way, this was his birthday present for Rin. Keeping him away from all the hideous demons and humans of the world. Away from the fighting and the suffering. Homura said that the remains of True Cross did not lead good lives, and Yukio was glad to get his brother out of there at the first opportunity.

It wasn't much, but it was all he could to repay his debt. And he  _ was  _ going to repay it. By keeping Rin safe, at all costs.

(Even Rin’s happiness.)

_ \--- _

Fingers entwined with his hair, gently rubbing at his scalp in a soothing pattern.  _ Shiemi _ ? Rin couldn't help but lean into her touch, purring slightly, deep in his chest. Bon always made fun of him when he did that- but, well, his demonic-nature was similar to that of a cat, and Rin wasn’t complaining. Some of the naps he had- _ oh boy _ , he didn't think a human would understand just how good they could feel.

“Are you awake?” a voice that was decidedly  _ not Shiemi  _ asked. Though, while it was not her, it was still… something. And familiar. Had this happened before? Ah, yes, exactly as before.

Yukio.

He blinked away the small streaks of sunlight that peeked through the heavy curtains of the room. His vision was hazy for a few moments, needing to be rubbed at by his fingers as Rin stretched and yawned and realized Yukio had yet to pull away.

Not that Rin found himself overly caring about it. This was his twin, after all. The first time had perhaps been weird, but… now he thought he didn't mind it so much. IT felt good. |he was warm and content and felt safe. And his brother was here with him.

And it had been a while since he saw him.

(Wait- how long had it been, again? Felt like years. Felt like hours.)

“Yukio?” he asked when he finally regained a bit of himself. Some of the memories of… what was it, yesterday afternoon, returned. Or, was it last night? He honestly didn’t know how long he was out for… or even what time it had been  _ before  _ he fell asleep again.

Huh. Weird.

“Rin,” Yukio said so- so warmly as if he was speaking to his favourite person in the entire world. Which Rin kind of thought was Shiemi… But maybe not? They were twins, after all.

And…

Since when did Yukio start calling him by his name so casually? His brother always preferred the cute little ‘nii-san’. It wasn’t bad to be called by his name… it just didn't sit right, for some reason or another. 

Then again, Rin just felt weird in general. Like there was something on the tip of his tongue that he just couldn't reach. He rolled the thought around, trying to look at it from new angles- eh, Nah, was weird no matter how he looked at it.

“What's… going on? Where are we?”

“The Illuminati headquarters.”

Rin blinked, searching his memories… oh, right, a couple of months ago he had helped Yukio escape to the Illuminati after the Order had decided his execution. He never got that call back from Yukio, about their birthdays… 

Upsetting.

“Illuminati? Yukio! I’m part of the Order-”

Yukio patted his head like he was a fucking kid or something. The hell? 

His twin just laughed though, and he looked so  _ happy _ , happier than Rin had seen him in a long time, and what the hell, he'd let it go. If patting his head made Yukio shit rainbows, then he could put up with it.

“Yes. Everyone else here knows that, Nii-san. You were just brought here… temporarily.”

Rin swallowed. Something seemed… off, about that. But what?

“What happened?”

His brother sighed, took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes in a way that made him look… old. Like Fujimoto, or something. Really- like, Rin was only realizing this, now, but Yukio looked  _ old.  _ As if the last image of Yukio that he had in his mind (surprised, with wet eyes as Rin dropped a handful of car keys into his awaiting palm-) was from  _ years ago. _

Rin leaned forward and poked his brother’s eye-bag, “I keep telling you that if you worry so much you’re going to get wrinkles. And it looks like you did.”

Yukio laughed, “if only my demonic healing kicked in for that as it did for you, Rin.”  
Rin grinned- but he didn't know what his twin was talking about. Wrinkles, him? He was sixteen! Then again- Yukio was _also_ sixteen, and had wrinkles! Damn, this fugitive-stuff must have been hard on him.

He patted his twin’s shoulder sympathetically, pushing himself to sit up in the bed. Yukio immediately went to help accommodate him, pulling up pillows and making him a rather comfortable spot against the bed frame. Why was he even still sitting? Ah, his muscles felt so weak… what was wrong with him?

“So?” Rin asked, wiggling his brows despite the little thrum of sudden nervousness in his chest. What the hell- something didn't feel right.

Like,  _ himself _ , for instance. Was he sick, or something?

Yukio gave him a side glance before rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Nii-san, do you have no patience? At least let me check you first-”

Rin didn't even consent, his brother just started fussing over him, mumbling- “you still have a fever. Is your headache back?”

Ah, yes, he remembered now. He was sick, somehow. From running around in the rain apparently, and Yukio was not pleased with it. He still didn't understand how that worked with his demonic-healing and immune system and crap, but, well, Yukio was a doctor. And Rin had long since learned to listen to what the doctors said.

Rin just gives him a silent, questioning look. Yukio’s sighs grew louder.

“First let me give you some history… the Illuminati and True Cross were once the same organization- but they had rather different ideas on how humans and demons should coexist, and thus fell out, becoming two separate entities. Despite this, the two Orders still worked together occasionally- even up until the two of us were going to True Cross. With my… deflection, they fully separated.”

Rin blinked. That was… a lot.

“They were fighting-” he said, suddenly remembering that important little detail.

War had either already been declared (he couldn't remember)- or it was damned close to being. The Illuminati started using demons like more than just familiars. And some of their human members were… well, human at best. They were brutal. And intensely powerful.

Rin’s mind flew back to the battle he remembered from his dream. Was that what Yukio was talking about? It had to be.

_ The first strike. _

But there was something… more… something bothering him about the memory. It didn't add up with other little snippets of life that flashed through his brain- like someone threw a bunch of random puzzle pieces together and expected him to solve it in a way that formed a coherent image. Impossible.

He remembered that Kamiki was  _ hurt _ , hurt real bad. Bon, too. Shima was missing. And he and Shiemi were trying to hold everyone together. And now, he was here.

He remembered pain and suffering and dancing blue flames that weren’t his own. He remembered a Yukio that was so different than the one he was walking with know- he remembered the old Yukio, also different, but differently.

But…

The memories wisped away- and Rin wondered what the hell he had even been thinking a second ago. His brain was all fuzzy and his face hot and he didn't understand what was going on. All he knew was that something fishy was happening, and he didn't like it one bit.

“There was a strike on True Cross-” Yukio kept going, “apparently, someone managed to open a Gehenna Gate, and demons swarmed the campus. You were called to the battle, of course. I… I ran off, to help you fight,” Yukio looked away- was he blushing? Yukio always did get embarrassed so easily.

But Rin was more focused on what he had said; a swarm of demons, at True Cross? That… certainly lined up with what he dreamed last night. Of the attack. But he didn't remember seeing Yukio.

The only thing he remembered was that  _ laugh. _

Had it been… Satan?

He felt sick, again. What was up with that? Was it just hunger, or was it something else, gnawing at him? 

There were little spots of black in his mind- like his memories were a reel of footage and somebody had gone over some of the cells with a black sharpie, writing what they wanted and covering up what they didn’t.

Rin squeezed his eyes shut. He wouldn’t read the black sharpie. He couldn't.

Yukio stopped walking, “Nii-san?”

His eyes fling open and his stomach rolled at that worried expression. “Sorry. I… yeah, I remember. I had been attacked by a horde of ghouls and goblins, then some coal tar. I… don’t remember what happened after that.”

“They didn't kill you,” Yukio said, pushing up his glasses, “I am assuming that Satan, as I suspect he was behind the attack, ordered you to be taken alive. I found you before they could drag you off. I fought enough of them off to grab you and run. It started raining, and you were injured, and… the demons did something to you, I suspect,” Yukio looked away- glasses flashing and hiding his eyes, “you got sick. I took you back here to be treated. Or maybe…” he started mumbling in a real doctor-way, “the opening of a false gehenna gate upset your demonic half…?”

“Just me?’ Rin asked, suspiciously, “what about the others? Surely they needed your help, too!”

Yukio cleared his throat, eyeing him, contemplating his next move, “you were feverish and barely conscious. I couldn't protect both of us and help others at the same time.”

Rin swallowed. Those words… reminded him of something just now. But… but  _ what… _ ?

“I did, fortunately, meet up with Shima-san during the attack. Both of us moved you to Illuminati Headquarters.”

“Shima?” Rin asked- bits and pieces of that fight came back to mind, sparking a chain reaction and bring back haunting memories. Shima had been there right at the start of it. He’d  _ betrayed them  _ right when they needed his help the most- deactivating the wards around True Cross and allowing the chaos to break through their defences. He’d disappeared in that fight. 

Yukio just nodded, sending him a little smile, “he decided to stay with us since the demons in Assiah were highly aggravated by the battle and he was injured. You do know that the leaders of True Cross and the Illuminati are Demon Kings, yes?”

That… conflicted with his memories.

But… wait, what memories? Shima was… in the Illumi… 

His head felt fuzzy. To ground himself, Rin tried to simply focus on the conversation he was currently a part of.

Rin nodded. “That stupid clown is Simon, or whatever.”

“Samael,” Yukio corrected with a light chuckle. It seemed to unlike him- to be laughing at things like that. Usually, he just yelled at Rin for being dumb or something. Weird. “But yes, Samael as well as Lucifer, the leader of the Illuminati, are both very high in the demon monarchy. They’re our older brothers, in a sense, not that either of us is involved in our… half-family.”

Rin nodded, feeling the back of his throat go dry. That stupid clown was his brother? Well, if he was related to him via Satan, then Yukio was right- he didn’t consider him to be family. His only family was Yukio. And Yukio’s only family was him. 

That was just how it was.

“And…” he shifted, “what do we do now? I mean, surely your pals at the Illuminati won't like being here… and everyone else is probably looking for me… Shiemi is probably so worried!”

Yukio frowned, and a heavy, uncomfortable silence filled the room. For some reason- Rin had a distinct feeling that he set his brother off.

“I don't think it would be a good time for you to leave, Rin.”

“Huh?” he blinked, “Whaddaya mean, Yuki? I… I feel fine!” that was a lie, of course, because, well, he felt like shit. His nose was runny and his face felt hot and only his right ear was clogged. It was gross-feeling.

“Well,” Yukio pushed up his glasses as he started speaking matter-of-factly, “you’re sick. You have a concussion. Memory loss. And we know that Satan is now capable of launching attacks on you.”

“Hey, what are you saying four-eyes?! That I’m not capable of protecting myself?”

“Not against Satan, I would assume. As noble as your goal to defeat him is, Rin, you’re technically not even a real exorcist. Right now, you would either die or be captured. That's a fact.”

Rin grit his teeth, flailing about on the bed to the point where Yukio had to forcibly stop him- “I can protect myself!!”

“Against many threats, yes, but not everything, Rin!”

“Yukio-”

His twin’s eyes shifted. They blazed blue- strange, so strange, Yukio’s eyes always had a lovely green tint to them. When did they become so blue? Just blue?

“Rin!” 

The voice snapped him out of his angry stupor. He blinked, looking at Yukio who held a dark, serious expression.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said quietly, suddenly very unable to look Rin in the eye, “I’m sure you could understand… after all, you broke me out of the Order and gave me a car and risked everything just so that I could live. Am I not allowed to care for you in the same way?”

Rin’s throat went dry when he realized- that this was the exact same fucking situation. Okay, maybe it wasn't completely the same, but it was damn close enough. Yukio was scared of losing him, just like Rin had been when he heard of his twin’s execution order.

If he had found Yukio dying in a swarm of demons, he’d raise all hell! If Yukio insisted on running back to that swarm and just laying on the ground and taking it… well, Rin wouldn't let him go, either.

He gave his twin a shaky smile, “Yeah, I understand. I mean, I’m still fucking peeved, but yeah, I understand.”

It was one thing to understand, but another to follow.

Rin was selfish. He never hid that fact- he was selfish when he broke Yukio from the Order. He was selfish when he lied to everyone about him escaping. He was selfish when he prayed each and every day for his twin to call.

And he'd be selfish, again, when he ran away.

Not that he’d say that, right now, cause who knows what evil his twin could get into in an attempt to make Rin stay. He shivered at the thought- Yukio had some nasty tricks for making him do his homework.

For now… he'd give his brother some piece of mind.

“What now? I mean, like, am I a prisoner or something?” he half-jokingly asked- because, well, really had no idea if he was or not. The Illuminati were his enemies. But, then again, they were also the people who harboured a fugitive Yukio.

If the had let Yukio keep Rin here, feed him and nurse him, then… they couldn't be all bad, right? They sheltered him. Saved him from Satan. Or, well, that seemed to more-so be Yukio than anything… but well, the Illuminati didn't stop him, and that had to count for something, right?

“And I’m your jailor,” Yukio laughed- reminding Rin that they had this exact conversation before. But then his twin frowned and shook his head, “I wouldn't say that,” Yukio chuckled, “but I do think they wouldn’t want you to be running around, Nii-san. There is… sensitive material in the base, and since you’re not an actual member it’s off-limits.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Just sit here? That's boring!”

“Well, you always could catch up on your studies…”

“You’re not my teacher anymore, damn moley four-eyes! You lost the right to lecture me about homework!”

Yukio chuckled again (which was starting to creep Rin out. Since when did Yukio laugh so much? The Illuminati must have changed him), “I suppose not. It was worth a try, at least.”

Again, weird. Yukio was so… weird.

Rin was pouting. He could see himself in the reflection of Yukio’s glasses- pouting, tail dropping behind him. And he had a bedhead, great.

“Nii-san? Is something wrong?”

He scratched the back of his neck-  _ was  _ something wrong? His insights were tingling, telling him that, yes, something was very wrong. But he saw the small smile on Yukio’s face and the twinkle of something he couldn't quite name in his eyes… and, well, he couldn't upset his brother like that, could he?

“No. You just… seem happy,” the words made him grin, “I’m glad, Yuki. That you managed to find somewhere that you can be happy.”

Yukio leaned forward and- surprisingly - hugged him. Which was weird, cause Yukio had never really been one for physical contact, even with Rin and Shiro. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Rin brought his hands up and hugged his brother back.

“I’m happy that you’re here, Rin.”

Rin grinned.

But his insides felt squishy.

(Strangely, the voice, the memory, that erupted of that moment was not of Yukio, but of Shima. He was wearing a strange uniform… Illuminati, Rin faintly recognized. He was blushing, looking away, Rin could feel the slick-yet-grimy feel of blood on his skin, smeared all over his back. He shivered.

“Yukio wanted me to pass on a message…”

“He said he loves you”)

When the hell had that happened?

Yukio pulled away from the hug and said something about books and games. Rin just grunted.

Why did everything feel so off?

\--

Rin didn’t know when he fell asleep, just that he woke up again. He was alone, as far as he could tell… and it made something in his stomach stir. The thing was; it wasn't the same hard, uneasy feeling as earlier… when Yukio was here.

He blamed it on being sick.

He wobbled out of bed and noticed that he was wearing a new set of silky black pyjamas- the fancy kind, with the shirts with buttons and loose pants. When did he change? Then again, he didn’t remember falling asleep, either, so he was probably just tired enough before sleeping to not remember.

Rin yawned, stretched, and looked around- he’d been here for what, at least two days? And he never even got a real good look at the room he was in. It was both fancy and plain-looking all at the same time, considering how all the furniture looked brand-new and unused like Rin was the first person to occupy the space. But that couldn't be true, could it? It was probably just a nice guest room that Yukio had somehow wrangled for him to stay in.

He shuffled to the center, looking around- there were three doors in the room. The first one he opened leads to a spacious bathroom, fully stocked up on anything and everything he may need. He licked his teeth, cringing slightly because- when had he last brushed them? Well, whatever, he ripped open the new toothbrush (figuring that Yukio must have placed it out  _ for  _ him) and got to work. 

His hair was a bit greasy and he didn't smell his best, but Rin, somehow, refused to shower. Like, his _ instincts  _ were refusing to let him get near the shower. They were once more slowing up his insides and screaming bloody murder about signs Rin didn't or couldn't possibly notice. He just knew he shouldn't get in the shower- not where he would be naked and unaware and vulnerable. 

Instead, he washed his face and his hands in the sink, running damp fingers through his hair in some form of an attempt to clean it up. It didn't help- but thanks to the deodorant and some other hygiene products that Yukio had caringly left for him, Rin was at least not quite as filthy or smelly as before.

He looked back to the shower… a towel had been set out on the counter for him to use, along with some unopened bottles that were there for his use. But… his instincts… 

They whispered to him about a danger lurking nearby that he didn’t sense and wasn’t prepared to fight-

Oh, right, where was Kurikara?

He stomped out, intent to find his precious sword. It wasn't anywhere in the room, that was for sure- and Rin honestly had no clue to where  _ else  _ it would be. He hoped that Yukio had it… or, that maybe one of his other friends had grabbed hold of it or something. That was better than the alternatives of it being either lost or taken by an enemy.

He shivered at the thought of someone breaking it, just to see what would happen to him. Even Rin didn’t know.

Well, maybe he should leave and search for it…? 

He checked the door that was right beside where the bed had been pushed against the wall- locked. Huh. He had figured it might be a closet (which might hold Kurikara) or something, considering how Yukio had been entering and exiting from the other door, which via the layout of the room, was the main one. What was this one for? Why bother to lock it?

Rin shook his head in confusion and wobbled to the exit. The handle was cold against his palm- must not have been using it for a while. Or something. He wasn’t a detective, goddammit!

He was mildly surprised that it opened for him- half expecting Yukio to have locked it, or something. But, indeed, it was open. Rin poked his head into the hallway- it was just as plain and fancy-feeling the same as the room he was in- the walls were bare, but made of a sleek, dark-grey mineral of some kind, and the floors were lined with sleek red carpets. Other than some candlesticks (which he curiously noted weren’t lit at the moment, despite it being night time and the hallway being rather dark,) nothing was decorating the walls. He thought maybe there was a painting or a mirror or something at the end of the walkway, as well as some blue curtains on the windows, but, well… the whole place felt so bare. Unlived in. 

It was everything was nice and well cared for, obviously high-end… but unused, for whatever reason. Like someone just bought a house, filled it with the most expensive furniture, and then never stepped inside again.

It felt cold.

Was that a result of the Illuminati? Or Yukio? Or, well, maybe both? His brother had always been quite plain, and Rin could only assume what plain bastards Illuminati were, judging on the memories he had of their laboratory when they once visited to help Izumo’s mother and beat some sense into Shima.

(When had that happened? Izumo’s mother?)

He shrugged and stepped out into the hallway- something in his chest stirred, nervous, and it felt so much different than every other time in his life when he knew he was doing something wrong and is it anyways. 

Danger, his instincts seemed to scream.

Escape, something deeper urged.

Rin listened to neither; he started walking over to the room next to his and went to open the door-

“Rin?”

He blinked. That… wasn't Yukio’s voice. Rin turned, and surprise surprise, a certain pink-haired friend (former friend?) of his was standing there. He had a shiny metal tray of food in his hands… like a waiter, or something. If Rin wasn’t so surprised to see him in this circumstance, of all things, he'd probably laugh.

“Shima?”

The pinkette grinned widely- “Rin! Nice to see ya, buddy!”

There was something off about him; he could feel it. The way his eyes flickered. The tenseness to his body despite the laxidasical smile on his face. Rin noted his uniform, teal (why did that dreg up a memory of him wearing the same uniform? Rin had never seen him in it before-), had a belt with a… gun hanging off it. Shima didn’t use guns. Rin doubted the teen even knew how to fire one.

So why did he have it?

“Y-yeah… uh…” Rin blinked, feeling awkward. What the hell was even supposed to say to him? It wasn't like he even knew what happened; er, maybe knowing would be a good place to start? “What happened to you?”

Shima stared at him for a second, then awkwardly placed his tray, “how about we go to your room, first? So I can put this down.”

He was already walking into the room, not even looking back but expecting Rin to follow and he did, of course, because even if his instincts were screaming at him to run far, far away from this place… he couldn't just leave Shima. He had questions that needed answers, that he was sure Yukio wouldn't appreciate being asked.

He stood by the doorway (for some reason, his instincts didn’t want him to move any further away from the only point of exit. His eyes kept flashing to the gun on Shima’s hip-  _ danger danger danger danger _ , but Shima didn’t know how to use guns?  _ But he had one! _ ) and watched as Shima set down the tray on the nightstand.

“Rin?” he asked, a small flash of concern on his face, “you okay, buddy?”

Buddy? Come to think of it, Shima said that to him earlier. And called him by his first name, both times. That was… weird. Shima was casual, yeah, but he never really got over calling him Okumura. 

The same tingling feeling of wrongness that he felt with Yukio was coming back full force- like he knew what was wrong with this situation, but for whatever reason, his brain just refused to cough up why and what. But he knew that something wrong was going on.

It had to be.

“I, uh... “ he scratched the back of his head, not knowing what to say, “yeah?” so he went with a classic answer.

“Alright then! Why don't you come to eat? The food’ll get cold.”

Why was Shima telling him what to do?  _ Shima _ . Shima who snuck porno-mags into class and didn’t care who thought what of him. Shima who could ask out ten different girls and get rejected ten different ways and laugh it off. Shima who never studied or tried and just like dot play video games. Shima, who…

(Who ran off to join the Illuminati.)

What?

“Rin,” Shima was suddenly standing right by him, then behind him, warm hands on his shoulders, pushing him into the room, “your food, remember? It’s not like you to not scarf down whatever placed in front of you!” he started laughing, cheerful and just as Rin remembered.

Rin didn’t struggle. His head was still stuffy and his muscles ache and he vaguely felt like throwing up. Even if he tried to, he doubted he’d be able to fight off Shima and his black flames.

Black… flames…? 

Why had his brain just decided to think that? Shima was human? And he was his friend! Why did he feel a very sudden urge that he was in danger- that he needed to protect himself?

He was oh-so confused. Confused enough that he was pushed back to sit on the bed and didn’t protest to the tray being pushed onto his lap. His eyes immediately went to the little paper cup with three, innocent-looking pills in it. 

“Yukio said you needed to take this; you’re sick, right?”

“Yeah…” Rin’s hands glided over the medicine- and instead scooped up the bowl of soup. It was a simple beef broth, but it was savoury and warm and settled rather comfortably in his stomach. He gestured at Shia to take one of the sandwich halves, feeling awkward at being the only one eating, in the tense silence of the room.

“Thanks, Rin, but I’ve already eaten.”

“I could make you something better,” Rin said after a moment of contemplation, “I mean, not to diss your chefs, but…”

Shima laughed, “Yeah, we all know your cooking is the best. You don’t have to remind me at what I’ve been missing out on for the last-” he froze, cleared his throat rather obviously, “how long has it been now? Five months?”

“Sounds right,” Rin agreed, filing the information away, trying to piece together his last memory of looking at a calendar (who cares. What day of the week it was wasn’t important when his friend's lives were constantly in danger-) it was… a few months ago. Er, no it had to be earlier. He couldn’t go an entire five months without carefully looking at the dates, could he?

His mind was swirling and Shima coughed.

“Medicine,” he said… ordered. It was still weird having  _ Shima  _ tell him what to do.

Rin blinked realizing that he had finished up his broth. Shima all but shoved a glass of water in his hands (strangely reminding him of Yuiko and that damned tea,) and then the pills. Rin growled, not liking the idea of taking the stupid pills, but…

“He said they’d help clear your head.”

Thank god. Rin knew how much he needed that right now- his thoughts were all distorted and foggy and weird. And he kept remembering stuff that didn’t happen.

He swallowed the pills.

\---

Yukio got up at the soft knock- no doubt it was Shima, reporting in.

“Hey, boss,” the teen grinned- always so casual. It was one of the few people Yukio let slide, considering how long they had known each other and how close the teen was with his brother. Which was exactly why he had set it up for Shimla to make his appearance, even if it was earlier than the originally wanted.

(We didn't want anyone in contact with Rin. Rin was his brother, his alone. No one was allowed access to him-)

It was necessary, he reasoned. Rin didn't say it, but Yukio could tell he was getting a bit angst. Confused and distrustful and lacking enough information to piece together the situation. An old face would certainly help him transition into his new life; laughter and jokes and companionship would blindside him to what Yukio did behind the scenes.

His brother always rather proved to distraction.

“How did it go?” Yukio asked, strangely casual himself. Then again, he did get to know the tamer quite well in the time they had spent together working for Lucifer. Of course, then Yukio took his place as leader when his body gave out and Yukio’s powers fully awkward, but still. He kept Shima for a reason; a reason beyond Lucifer's need for his black flames.

The trust that Rin placed in him was more valuable than anything.

“Eh, bad, maybe,” Shima shrugged, “or at least  _ I  _ think finding him in the hallway spacing out is a bad thing. He at least took his medicine so these that,” he whistled, far too casual for the words he just said. Then again, Shima had always been that way.

“You…” Yukio dropped the files he was looking at, “what? You found him  _ where _ ?”

Shima waved his hand, dismissing his obvious worry, “he didn't go too far. He was actually about the open the door to your room- though, knowing you, it would have been locked. He was just kinda standing there, in a daze. He looked really surprised to see me coming… after all, he's been through, you’d think his battle instincts would be better than that, y’know?”

Yukio felt a vein on his forehead throbs, “ _ and _ ? Where is he now?”

“He's asleep. Those pills you whipped up sure work fast, boss! He just barely finished swallowing them and then he was out!”

“This isn't time for laughing. What did you mean by spacing out? What's wrong with Rin?” He pushed himself up, already moving to the door.

Shima rolled his eyes, and the casualness of it all made Yukio pause, “I would assume those memory-drugs you keep feeding him aren't exactly good on the brain, boss. He was acting all spacey and weird the whole time, kept looking at me funny. He was spacing out for minutes on end, but he didn't even realize…” he whistled, “he didn’t try anything, though. Didn’t seem to fully realize anything was wrong, even if he  _ suspects  _ it. I’d watch out for that. But I mean, I also kinda wanna try whatever the fuck you have him on...”

Indeed, Yukio was suspecting that Rin still had enough of his memories to assume something was wrong. He already knew this. He was working through possible solutions every second he had… and he was getting close, he knew it.

“I’m working on something to counter it. For now… I have to place some security measures in his room.”

His biggest problem was trying to predict how any medication would react with his body; Rin was a specimen all on his own- his body was so complex with the different human and demon genes interacting, and the selling of his demon heart. Even Yukio, of the same mother and father, was sure they were far too different for himself to be an accurate sample.

Shima was frowning, strongly enough, “I wouldn't suggest forcing him to stay there. We both know how he is; he’ll never let himself sit still.” As casual as the teen was, he usually didn't go against orders or backtalk Yukio. But today? Apparently, Nii-san had a stronger hold on him that Yukio thought he would.

Still, it was a valid point. Not that Yukio was thinking of straight-up barring his brother from leaving his room… unless something happened that changed his mind. 

But he also didn't like the idea of exposing Rin to more of what Yukio know controlled, or possibly triggering his memories of his days in the resistance to come back- but he knew that his brother wouldn't idly allow himself to stay content with a single hallway and two people in his life. 

(At least not in their stage. But Yukio would be sure to slowly restrict what he could interact with further down the line. When the grooming took a stronger hold.)

He hated it, but he'd have to continue introducing him to more and more of the world. Then, when Yukio was fully sure of his brother's loyalty… perhaps he would even allow him to go outside. But for now, he would remain confined to the base.

“Keep an eye on him for now. I need to keep working…”

Shima saluted and left, presumably to head back to Rin’s room, and Yukio swivelled around in his chair sighing. His notes on a better memory-loss drug were messy and unfinished but now was as good a time as any to keep working on it.

For Rin.

\---

Rin awoke to the sound of two people talking. He groaned, lifted himself, and blinked away the fog of sleep that seemed to constantly be covering his eyes, nowadays. It seemed like, ever since he got here, all he’d done was sleep and occasionally talk to people. 

He was getting tired of it; sleeping. Heh, that was ironic, huh?

“Yukio?” he groaned, watching his brother stand up from where he had been talking with Shima at a small table. 

“Rin, you’re up.”

“I didn’t want to sleep in the first place,” Rin grumbled, yawning. 

He still felt so exhausted, despite already knowing that he had slept for many, many hours on end. This was so annoying! Rin knew that he slept a lot, but it was getting ridiculous.

“Sorry…” Yukio pushed his glasses, “I’ll be switching you to a non-drowsy medication from now on.”

“You’re the reason I’ve been sleeping so much?! Moley-four-eyes!” he nearly slept from the bed and moved to grapple his brother, only for Yukio to hold up his hands up in surrender and sheepishly smile.

“You’re still sick, Rin. It’s better for you to rest now while nothings happening than to have your fever weigh you down in a fight.”

Rin pouted but didn’t argue against the solid logic his brother had just thrown in his face. Stupid Yukio, always being smart and stuff.

“But-” his brother rested the back of his hand gently against Rin’s forehead, “you’ve been a lot better lately. So I think it’s okay to change the medication.” he smiled. Such a genuine, real, truly Yukio-brand smile.

It warmed Rin’s heart, seeing his twin so happy for once.

“Kay,” he agreed, content, removing himself from Yukio and stepping into the center of the room, confusingly looking at Shima, “What's going on today? Am I going to do something  _ other  _ than just staying in here?” Since when had he gotten here? Rin didn't notice him enter… but then again. He didn't notice Yukio either- they must have both come in when he was asleep.

Shima laughed.

Yukio still held his smile, but it wavered slightly, “actually, I thought I could take you on a bit of a tour on the base… since mostly everyone is away dealing with the cleanup of an earlier… attack. It’s a good time to get you acquainted with everything.”

Rin beamed, “really?” he was about to move towards the door… then he got a good look at himself. He was still in pyjamas… and, how long had it been since he had showered? He sniffed his arm and cringed, wondering why exactly neither Shima or Yukio had said anything yet.

“I should probably shower first, huh?” he asked sourly.

“That’d be for the best,” Yukio agreed- ah, so he did think Rin was stinky. Haha, that was embarrassing.

Rin quickly jumped to the bathroom, Yukio on his heels and passing him a bundle of clothes; some sweat pants and a hoodie, it seemed. Comfortable. It was strangely different from the silky, high-quality pyjamas he had been in the whole time… but not unwelcome.

“Thanks!” he all but slammed the door in his twin's face and quickly got to clean himself.

Like before, his stomach churned at the idea of showering. He didn’t know why… just-  _ something  _ made him _ really uncomfortable _ at the idea. Still, his hair was limp and almost straight (for once) with how oily it had become, and the more Rin thought about it, the more his stink became apparent. Even everything in his body was insistent that he didn’t partake in the act of showering (vulnerable, so, so vulnerable, and that was what set him off,) he still stripped and jumped under the warm stream.

And immediately his anxiety, almost literally, washed away. He relaxed under the warm rivets of water and immediately began scrubbing himself with the assortment of products to be found.

He finished, towel-dried his hair as best as he could, got dressed, and opened the door. Yukio immediately descended on him.

“Yukio?” Rin asked, watching his twin all but dace past him and towards the counter. He picked up a hair-dryer and motion him forward- and while Yukio was frowning, there seemed to be an almost delighted expression to his movements. 

If Rin didn't know Yukio so well, he wouldn't be able to pick up on it. But he did- this was his twin, so it was easy to just… unconsciously pick up on his moods.

“You can't walk around with wet hair, Rin. Not when you’re already sick.”

Wow, he picked up on that… fast.

“I ain’t gonna get any sicker,” Rin commented.

Yukio raised an eyebrow, one that said resistance to this was futile. Rin huffed but walked forward, jumped up to sit on the counter as Yukio began fussing with his hair. The blast of warm air from the dryer felt nice against his scalp, and the small touches of Yukio shifting his hair around were so pleasant that he found himself unconsciously leaning into it.

“It's been a long time since we’ve done anything like this,” Yukio said, a small, gentle smile on his face that truly made Rin’s day. His twin was so, so happy nowadays. Happier than Rin could remember seeing him.

Despite all the pain the Illuminati had brought him… Rin couldn't find himself fully hating the organization. Not if they made Yukio as happy as he was. They sheltered Shima, too… and let Yukio take Rin in when he was sick. They couldn't be all bad.

Yukio had finished up with his hair, and Rin was almost disappointed by the lack of touch that meant. He held back a groan, but his tail went ahead and snapped at the counter, unconsciously repeating all his thoughts and emotions like the horrible bugger it tended to be.

“Rin?” Yukio asked, turning around to blink at the appendage.

Rin just grabbed it, slightly unstable with the way the cold air hit the still-damp tail, “sorry,” he chuckled, “it kind of just does it’s own thing.”

“I can understand-” Yukio said, and suddenly there was a shifting from behind him- the fuck?! A tail, almost identical to Rin’s own if it weren't for the brown fur instead of black, popped out of nowhere, hanging low and swaying gently. 

That was also a bit different; Rin’s always looked like angry house cats, meanwhile, Yukio’s held the appearance of a regal tiger or something, naturally declined and swishing around the side of his body, meanwhile, Rin’s usually stood up to a point.

“You… you have a tail!” he yelped, leaping down from the counter and pointing at the appendage- which swayed slightly at the sudden attention.

“Indeed. I have awkward my powers, Rin. I just… was unsure of when to tell you,” as if to emphasize his point, Yukio held up a hand and it burst into blue flames- though, they didn’t look right…

Rin lit his own hand on fire and looked between them- he were a light, startling azure, flaring and bouncing across his skin in unpredictable, meaningless strokes. Yukio’s were a few shades darker than his own, not quite navy, but more of a deep royal blue. They were calm, not so much as sitting atop his skin like Rin’s, but rather moulding and coming off of it in predictable, soothing waves.

“Whoa!” Rin rushed forward and grabbed his brother's hand, not noticing how their flames mingled and Yukio shivered. His own chest was fluttering with a warmth he had never truly felt before- it was eerily similar to pride but in a much deeper, meaningful way. He just grinned.

“You’re like me,” he whispered before his eyes widened and his smile dropped, “you’re… a demon…”

“Indeed I am.”

He was fully frowning now, pride all swallowed up and his flames dying out.

“Rin?” Are you okay?” Yukio’s own flames died out as he lifted a hand to his forehead- Ring Pushed him away.

“I'm so sorry, Yukio. I know… I know you never wanted this. To be a demon… like me…”

Hands surprisingly came up to cup his face, and Yukio forced Rin to look him deep in the eyes, “don’t apologize like this is your fault. And besides, I’m Satan’s son just as much as you are, Rin. I always have been. I should be apologizing to  _ you  _ for making you think were alone in this for so long. I’m sorry, Rin.”

Rin sniffed, “moley four-eyes…” he pushed away from his brother and his tail whipped excitedly, “you’re really okay with this?”

Yukio laughed, watching the appendage with a critical eye, “yes. After seeing how well you took to it, how could I not?”

Rin fiddled with a hoodie string, “yeah, you’re always trying to outshine me, Yukio! What the hell!” he whined, “I wanna be the cool one, just once!”

Yukio raised a brow, a little smile returning to his face (he was  _ always  _ smiling, it was almost… weird...), “I already think you’re the cool one.”

“Lies!”

Yukio tutted at him like he was a kid, coming over and grabbing his furiously swishing tail, “it’s wet, Nii-san.”

“Yeah? I just took a shower.”

“You’ll get sick. I’ll dry it.”

Cue Rin once more hopping up the counter while Yukio started gently drying his tail. He was really going at it, too, running his fingers up and down the appendage lightly, fussing at the fur and combing out the messy tuft at the end.

“Do you ever brush this?” he asked.

“No?” Rin kicked his legs, looking confused. He eyed Yukio’s tail, which was sleek and shiny-looking, “do you?”

“Nii-san…” Yukio sighed like he was the dumbest kid in the world, “you need to take better care of yourself. I’m surprised you managed to go so long without me.”

“Five months isn't that long, Yukio. And I can take care of myself!”

Yukio gave him a bemused expression, lifting his tail. There was something in the way that he was oh-so-gentle with his tail that was… strangely comforting. Each and every little touch against the fur sent pleasant shivers down his spine. Rin wriggled, liking the feeling but at the same time being incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of Yukio touching it. 

~~ (There was something… intimate about it. Not just the action itself, but the way Yukio held it… Like… he was obsessed with it. But no. Couldn't be.) ~~

(He was just a concerned brother.)

But his twin had yet to do anything even remotely bad to him… aside from relentless teasing and lecturing- but that wasn't anything new, was it? Same old Yukio… except, well, same old Yukio plus some new fancy additions, like the ability to actually smile. And a certain gentleness that made him treat Rin like a precious glass figure.

Whoa, that was weird. 

He didn't even realize that was what he had been doing until his mind suddenly supplied the knowledge for him. It was like… who he was now, and who his mind was, were two completely different people.

“There. All done.”

Rin was pulled from his thoughts (and confusion) via Yukio’s voice. His brother’s fingers lingerd on his tail for a few seconds- and Rin frowned. It was like… neither of them wanted the other to let go. But the day had to continue on, and Rin was pretty excited to get a look-see at the whole Illuminati base he had somehow wound up in.

“Kay,” Rin replied breezily, jumping off the counter and allowing his tail to slide out of Yukio’s fingers, because he had a distinct feeling his twin wouldn’t let go on his own, “let's get moving, ne?”

Yukio smiled and held onto his shoulder, steering him out of the room.

“Where’d Shima go?” Rin asked, blinking. He remembered seeing his pink-haired friend waiting here for them…

“The Illuminati is a busy organization, Rin. He probably ran off to go do something.”

Rin pouted, but didn’t say anything else as Yukio began ushering him out of the room, into the fancy-yet-plain hallway he had been the day before. Not that he had gotten any further than the door beside his own, but that was because lunch came calling.

Speaking of which- his stomach growled, “What time is it?” he asked blinking.

Yukio looked at his watch, “a little past one, “then blinked, and looked down at Rin’s stomach as it growled again. Loudly. He chuckled, “we’ll eat when we reach the cafeteria. Or the private dining room, if you preferred.”

Something in his stomach stirred uneasily at the notion… or maybe he was just really hungry. But the way Yukio was looking at him… he knew his twin well enough to tell that the younger wanted the private room.

“Sounds fancy,” he said, neutrally. Because he definitely did  _ not  _ want it.

“It is,” Yukio laughed, as he began ushering them, down the hallway- his hand had moved from Rin’s shoulder to his upper-arm, as if he were… afraid of letting him. Rin shifted, but did not protest, since Yukio’s hand was a warm, welcomed presence. It was  _ his twin. _

Rin was a touchy-person by nature. And Yukio usually hated casual touching. Usually; as in, before the Illuminati-phase. It was just another thing about Yukio that had changed, he supposed, and Rin didn't necessarily dislike it.

“I should warn you now, Rin. The Illuminati are followers of Satan- and, naturally, they see us as royalty because of it. Were both given special treatment here… like with our meals and accommodations. And, just to warn you, people may use titles like  _ majesty  _ and  _ highness  _ to refer to us.”

Rin swallowed, “I don’t want them to, though.”

“Me neither, but it’s rude to say otherwise, is it not? After all, Lucifer is our older brother and as much royalty as we are. We can't go against him… not when he’s been so generous to allow you to stay while you heal.”

They started going down a spiralling, marble stairwell. Rin looked up in the dim light at Yukio, squinting, “I have to talk to you about that. I know you said earlier that we can't know how long I’m going to stay here… but…”

Yukio sighed, “but you want to get back to the others.”

“.. Yeah. What if they’re in danger? They need me, Yukio.”

They reached the bottom; Rin originally thought that they were in some shady underground facility or something, like the last Illuminati base he was in… but, really, the place looked more like a  _ castle _ . The floors were all well-polished marbles, the decor European and fancy-looking. He could see through the windows, as shimmering light sunk through, that there were on some kind of mountain-side.

“Where are we?”

“Illuminati headquarters.”

“... where?”

Yukio looked at him with a tensed expression- “I’m not allowed to say.”

More like he didn't want to. Because, again, Rin knew his twin brother pretty damn well. And he knew when Yukio was lying. There was definitely something fishy about this whole thing… but, for his twin’s sake, he’d try and drop it… at least until he had some food in his belly.

He sighed, “just take me to the food, Yukio!” his twin laughed and grabbed him by the wrist and started pulling him through the halls again, “and let me warn you… thanks to the fancy decorations here, I’m expecting a fancy meal!”

“Of course, Nii-san. Nothing but the best for you.”

“That's right.” Rin was grinning like the cat that stole the cream as they entered a big room with a giant table… the table alone was nearly as big as their old dorm room! I mean, like, how much food could you fit on that thing?

Yukio took them over to the first two chairs, matured Rin in front of it, and pressed down on his shoulders. He was being awfully handsy- much like Rin usually - but Rin didn't find himself minding all that much. They had been separated for quite a long time… and he had begun to miss Yukio. No doubt, his twin felt the same.

Yukio sat down himself, and Rin raised an eyebrow, “don’t we need to order? Or… cook?”

“Of course not. I had alerted the staff a while ago that we would be requiring a meal.”

His tail wagged, “a fancy one?”

Yukio laughed again, and pushed up his glasses, “I wouldn't dream of anything else. How does a lobster sound?”

As if on cue, the kitchen doors were pushed open and six tuxedo-wearing men and women all came out, bustling to get the trays over to them. They started setting down fancy-looking foods on fancy-looking plates- and the one that was set right in front of Rin was a full-on  _ lobster _ , with little porcelain dish of melted butter beside it.

He swallowed thickly at the rich, savoury smell that floated off everything. Yukio had a platter of sashimi (his favourite, Rin remember) and nodded in thanks to the waiters before eating a small piece.

The last waiter to remain leaned down… and, well great, not even in the epitome of fanciness did Rin escape pills in little paper cups. He grumbled, but took the medicine and pushed it down with a swig of peach-juice, blanching at the bitterness that followed.

“At least they’re non-drowsy,” Yukio said, watching his pinched face with an amused expression.

“Still sucks.”

“You shouldn't have been running around in the rain then, Nii-san.”

Yukio moved his arm to do something, no doubt continue to fuss over him, and Rin swatted away his hand, annoyed.

“Yeah yeah. Let's just eat!”

Attention well deservingly shifted to the food, Rin forgot about the entire thing. Who cares? He had lobster! He greedily ate it all up, patting his stomach when his plate was clean.

Then, he noticed that Yukio had stopped eating in favour of looking at him.

“What?” Rin asked, _herumpfing_ , “I was hungry.”

Indeed he was. He thought his stomach was content with the sandwiches and soup and other assortments of sick-food he had been eating for the past few days… but at the sight of real, genuine,  _ fresh  _ food? It was like a hunger he had never experienced before had been awakened. And boy oh boy did it feel good to indulge.

He leaned over, “You gonna eat that?”

Yukio shoved his plate towards him- it was only half-finished. Truth be told, Rin felt a little bad at taking his twin’s meal… but he had handed it off willingly!

“I can always order more,” Yukio commented, still watching him like he was some kind of piggy. Which, honestly, he probably looked like one right about now. 

Rin shook his head, “this is fine,” because he had just then noticed the side-dishes… and began eating that, too.

“You’re going to get sick-” Yukio finally said, well after Rin had finished his third dish. “You’re still recovering.”

“I feel fine! Great, actually. What was that stuff you had me take?”

His head was finally feeling clear after (what felt like years) of cloudy thoughts and hazy not-quite-memories. Now, his mind was empty. It was just him and Yukio. There was nothing tugging at the back of his mind and his instincts had stopped screaming and everything was  _ good _ .

He pushed himself back in his chair with a content sigh- “so, what else is there to do here, anyway?”

Yukio blinked, looking a little surprised, “hmm?”

Rin scratched the back of his head in a bored manner, “if yer forcing me to stay here, I might as well have fun, ne? So, what's fun around here? Games? Movies? Anything, Yukio!”

He had to make the best of it. Then, when the time came (soon, it would have to be soon,) Rin would leave and help his friends. Just after he recovered a bit more- but considering how much better he was already feeling… that wouldn't be too far away. Maybe another few days.

Yukio laughed, “nothing like that. Or, maybe Shima would have some games in his personal quarters… but you would need his permission to go there.”

“So, you’re telling me… that there's nothing here?!”

Rin nearly fell out of his chair.

Yukio was sheepish, “this is an organization trying to do good in the world, not some kind of amusement park, Nii-san.”

“Books… I would even take books, Yukio!” - er, well, he was more so thinking  _ manga,  _ but ‘books’ seemed like a more familiar word to Yukio. Though come to think of it, most of the manga he read was Yukio’s…

“I suppose we do have a library… but you won't find much, or any, manga there, Nii-san. But I would be happy to continue your exorcist lessons. Or we could even train together since I also have the flames now.”

Rin sighed, but relented, “at least training is something,” he said… then, idly, a thought came to his mind, “I wish Shura was here.” he had only been away from her for… what, a week? But he was missing her, badly. Like, well, he didn't know. There was an ache in his chest when he thought of her.

Yukio stiffened, a look of fear-hatred coming across his face, and Rin snorted, “I know she annoys you… but I thought you guys were friends or something? You don't have to look so mad.”

“Sorry,” Yukio tilted his head at a funny angle- and it wasn't until the light bounced off his glasses and made it impossible to see his eyes did Rin understand why “she brings up some… bad memories. But, hey, you have me to train with. And Shima.”

“Yeah…” Rin’s tail wagged, “I’m excited to see what Shima can do.” Then, a memory skirted into his brain, “he has that black fire, huh?”

He still couldn't see Yukio’s eyes, but his twin’s mouth creased down in a frown, “yes.”

Rin blinked- wait, how did he know that? He didn't remember seeing Shima fight with anything except for his staff… before…

But, no. He could very distinctly remember an image of Shima, dressed in teal and sheathed in black flames. His staff was with him, yes, but that wasn't what made him so fierce. Huh. Must have happened during the invasion.

Yukio’s chair squeaked as he stood up, holding out a hand to his brother, “come along, then. I’ll show you the training grounds.”

Rin grinned and grabbed a tight hold of the offered hand- “so long as you’re ready to get your ass kicked.”


	6. Chapter 6

The training room was, dare he say it, awe-inspiring. The damn thing was bigger than the gymnasium of True Cross- and Yukio said it wasn’t even the only training hall! He was getting pumped up, just looking at it all.

The floors and walls of the sparring-section were padded, so that any falls or stumbles wouldn't badly injure the person training, and there were several pieces of equipment laying about- in an organized way, of course. They even had those batting-cages that Yukio and Shura liked to use all the time… and Rin idly wondered if he had  _ finally  _ gotten good enough to try that Infinity Mode again. Surely he had, right? Maybe he should challenge Yukio… 

“I have a separate area where I train my flames, but I figured that if you were so energetic, we could spar.”

“Spar?” his tail was wagging, “like you with your guns and me with my sword? Or a first-fight?’

Yukio made a strangled noise, “the correct term would be martial arts, but whichever you pick. I could also use a sword if you so pleased.”

Rin hummed, poking around at some of the faux-weaponry on a rack. It was all foamed or wooden- probably so that people didn’t kill or injure themselves while fighting.

“You know how to use a sword?” he asked curiously, inspecting one of the wooden ones on display.

“Not as well as you, I’m sure. But I have been practicing… Dad was a dragoon and a knight.”

Rin made an acknowledging noise at the information- he was pretty sure Dad was every meister, right? He didn’t want to best Yukio- considering that his little bro had a fragile ego at times. And he didn't really feel comfortable swinging his real sword at Yukio, even if he had his gun’s to protect him… seemed dangerous. And wooden swords were stupid.

“How about we just stick with our fists?

“Of course,” Yukio simply obligated, pushing up his glasses and started to unbutton the long, white coak (which seemed to mirror is exorcist uniform, strangely enough,) that he was wearing. Underneath were a simple dark-blue shirt and a pair of black trousers being held up by a white belt.

Rin grinned, racing towards the sparring area because he, in his hoodie and sweats, didn't really need to change. He was as comfortable as he could be, after all. And besides, this was  _ Yukio _ . 

Yukio wasn't weak, per se, but he had always been ill and a bit frail- which was why it was so surprising that he had become an exorcist well before Rin even knew of them. And Rin had demon strength! Oh- but Yukio had also awakened, huh? Maybe he also had demon strength? Was that how that worked?

That made him a little giddy- a strong Yukio would actually be kinda fun, he thought. He could finally take up jogging with Rin at night! Since y’know, that was the best time to jog. When the air was crisp and not quite cold but not warm either- perfect for jogging, especially in summer.

“We should go jogging,” he said distractedly as his twin moved into the parking area, as well.

“Hm? What's brought on this thought?”

Rin shrugged. He didn’t really like explaining his mind to Yukio- he always seemed so confused by it. He just grinned, “it'll be fun.”

Yukio made a face, “if you say so.”

Of course, Yukio had always had asthma- so it was probably hard for him to go around running all the time. But he’d be fine if he took his inhaler with him, so why did it matter?

“Are you ready, Nii-san?”

Rin hopped into a breezy fighting stance, rapidly shifting his weight on his toes like Shura taught him- kept him light on his feet, she remembered her saying. Helped him duck and dodge and be more fluid in his stances.

Wait…

When had she told him that?

Yukio must have deemed him ready- because suddenly he was all up in his grill. He honestly expected Yukio to go for some kind of a punch, but instead, his hands were open, attempting to grab-

Oh fuck.

Hands twisted into his shirt by his shoulder and suddenly he found the world titling as his back rolled along Yukio’s shoulder. He lets out a big grunt of air as his back slammed against the (thankfully padded) ground. He blinked- Yukio was giving him that faux-innocent truly-demonic smile of his. The look he gave Rin when he was doing his homework incorrectly.

It was the stuff of nightmares.  
“You weren't ready, then?”

“Stupid spotty-four eyes,” was all Rin grumbled, accepting a hand up, “the hell was that?”

He got up easily and prepared himself- and this time, when Yukio rushed him, he was able to nimbly dodge. His mind whirled, unable to keep up with his body as suddenly instincts pulled and his knee was jerking up, faster than he expected himself to be able to move. Yukio smoothly dodged it, somehow, and went to counter. Rin’s hand flew up before he even realized what he was doing- and Yukio's knife-hand thudded painfully against his forearm, his block just barely protecting his face.

Rin grinned, “can’t get me that easily, spotty-four-eyes.”

Yukio huffed, “I can't believe you still call me that, Nii-san.”

Yukio went to flip him, probably annoyed, and Rin ducked beneath his arms, hands flying upwards the sock his brother, only for Yukio to lean backwards and smack Rin upside the head.

“Think of it as a term of endearment,” he huffed out, stepping backwards and rubbing at his head.

“You can think of the smack that way, too, then,” Yukio grinned evilly.

“Gah! Yukio!” Rin groaned, rubbing his head even harder, pretending that the smack hurt more than it really did, “when did you become a sadist?”  
Yukio laughed, “I’m surprised you know that word.”

Rin rushed forward, intent on reclaiming his pride. 

(He ended up losing the match.)

\--

Today Yukio was gone… somewhere. So, Shima was here to hang out with him… or, well, really, it felt like he was here to  _ babysit  _ him- but Rin didn’t find himself minding too much.

His chest ached like it had been far too long since he last saw Shima. In fact, the fellow Exwire looked so different from what he remembered- sure, he still had his casual clothes and dyed-pink hair… but his face had the tiniest little smudges of wrinkles on it, as he had suddenly aged five years in the few months he had been gone. Yukio looked that way, too. 

Rin, and pretty much everyone already knew his poor twin was going to age early, considering that he was basically the living embodiment of stress. But Shima? The dude had always been so laid back (aside from when bugs were around) so Rin thought he wouldn't even grow wrinkles by the time he was forty!

“Is the Illuminati that stressful?” he asked casually, steps exaggerated through his boredom as he and She walked through the hallways of the big-ass castle-place.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Rin grinned at his friend, “you got wrinkles, man. Yukio does, too, but he was already starting to get them when he was, like, ten or whatever, so-” he chuckled, “is the Illuminati really that bad?”

Shima scratched the back of his neck, “it’s… a lot more work than the Cram School, that's for sure,” he laughed casually, though there was something hidden in it, “but I wouldn't say it’s that bad.”

“What do you do?” 

Shima shrugged, “I’m a grunt, really,” he leaned in, eyes shifting around, “I think I’m only still around because I’m friends with Okumura-sensei.”

Grunt… grunt… but he thought- no, wait, that's was what he always thought. That Shima was apart of the Illuminati. Right? His head was actually clear for once, but for some reason, he couldn't really remember what it was Yukio had told him happened to Shima for him to end up here.

He decided to just accept it.

Rin snorted, “you still call him that? He's not even a teacher anymore, dude.”

“Habit,” was all Shima said, stopping at a door.

Rin blinked, realizing that there were indeed  _ many  _ doors along the walls. It reminded him of the old dormitory- “is this where you live?” he asked.

“Yup. Okumura-sensei said you were bored, so I figured we could play some games. I got some good shit here,” the pinkette grinned, opening the door with one hand as if he were opening a magical portal to paradise.

Rin’s eyes widened- holy shit! He wasn’t lying! It looked like he had consoles and games that didn't even come out yet! 

“Where did you get this?” Rin asked, picking up a case for a game that, to his memory, was slated to come out in a few months, “it hasn’t even been released yet!”

Shima froze for a second, then grew a cocky expression, “perks of being in the Illuminati.”

Rin laughed, “tempting offer, huh?” he joked, nudging Shima with his elbow, “pretty sure I just figured out why you joined.”  
“Maybe,” Shima laughed back, waltzing into the room and picking at a few consols- ones that Rin thankfully recognized. Some of these must have been American-imports, or something because he hadn't even heard of them.

“Why don’t you pick out some games?”

“Sure.”

\---

Playing with Shima all day had been fun but they should have known it wouldn't last. There was a brief knock on the door, and both he and Shima grunted, not wanting to tear their eyes away from the racing game that Rin was totally kicking Shima’s ass in.

Like hell, he’d let someone ruin his first-place victory.

The knocking came back, though, and they both granted louder, confirming that entry was indeed allowed. He heard the squeak of the hinges and then a quite, “Nii-san.”

“Busy! I’m- I’m-” the finish line of the second lap came up and he screeched, kicking at Shima with his foot, “eat my dust, loser!”

“I’ll get you for this!”

He vaguely saw Shima throwing a blue shell at him, and cursed. He’d have to really step up his lead if he was gonna-

“Nii-san,” Yukio was a lot closer now, practically laying his chin on Rin's shoulder from where he sat on a (kick-ass) reclining chair.

“Whaaaat?” he groaned, tail whipping around agitatedly as he furiously moved his contro- “Shima just blew me up! I need to reclaim first!”

“I thought that we could restart your exorcist training today.”

“In a bit,” he said over his shoulder, barely turning his head and almost slamming his nose into Yukio’s cheek. Seriously, his twin had gotten  _ really  _ clingy in the time that they had been apart.

“I also wanted to show you the library. I had some people move in manga for you.”

“Kay, kay,” he said, tongue poking out while he expertly threw a banana over his shoulder ta Shima, who was steadily coming up behind him.

“Fuck!” the usually-lax teen wailed, nearly throwing his remote, “I was so close, too!”

“Ha-ha. Better luck next time.”

“Nii-san.” Yukio turned his head so that his breath linger over his neck as he spoke.

Rin nearly jumped out of his skin, holding up his remote with one hand and batting at his twin annoyingly, “pick up a remote and stop bothering me, Yukio.”

“He can't until we finish the race.”

“Well…” Rin grinned evilly as the finish line came up, and howled victoriously as he crossed it, somehow still in first. The camera shifted as the game went to autopilot for him and he saw just how close Shiam really had been from stealing his spot. “Looks like he won't have to wait any longer!”

“Fuck you,” Shima huffed when he crossed the line, in second.

“ _ Shima _ ,” Yukio warned, eyes flashing as he pulled away from Rin- but, of course, clingy Yukio was clingy, and so his hands fell down onto his twin’s shoulders… but the weight was comforting.

“Sorry, Okumura-sensei.”

“Yukio you really have a stick up your ass, eh? He's a growing boy, let him swear!”

“Rin…” Yukio sighed, “you better not start swearing, too.”

Shima made a gagging sound. Rin howled.

“ _ Start _ ?”

Shima burst out into laughter- only to immediately stop and go pale as the fierce look Yukio gave him. Rin swallowed, just happy he wasn't on the receiving end. His side still hurt, vaguely, from where Yukio jabbed him yesterday to win their sparring match. Demonic healing who? Rin didn't know them.

His brother just sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, “what am I going to do with you, Rin?”

“What is there to do? We’re - almost - both adults. You don't need to worry about me.”

Shima got this weird, funny look on his face (it reminded Rin when he hid porno mags in the classroom and everyone was asking who they belonged to-), and Yukio just sighed.

“Whether or not we’re adults doesn’t really matter, Rin; you’re my brother. We’ll always have to look after each other’s backs… that's what you told me.”

Rin grinned, “you remember that? It was so long ago… I mean, it was only a few months ago- but it feels like years.”

“Feels like yesterday,” Yukio argued back, but a smile was wrestling on his face- and Rin realized that Yukio’s seemingly constant grins and smirks and smiles faded away when Shima was with them. Weird. Were they fighting, or something?

“What?” Shima blinked, looking strangely put-off by the conversation.

“Yeah,” Rin sling an arm over his chair, smiling breezily, “when the Vatican ordered Yukio’s execution, I-”

Yukio slapped a hand over his mouth, and Rin's eyes widened. He whirled in the charity to give his twin an annotated look, tugging at the arm that was… fucking strong, for some reason. Like someone had melted a steel-bar into his skin! The fuck?

(Come to think of it, Yukio won their little sparring bout a little too easily. And he had good control of his flames… something suspicious was going on.)

But, finally, he batted away his twin’s offending hand, “what's wrong with telling him, Yukio? I mean, it already happened a long fucking time ago- and everything worked out just fine, neh? What does it matter?”

Yukio looked a little put-off, but relented, “fine.”

“So, as I was saying before I was  _ rudely  _ interrupted-” he shot a glance at his twin brother, pouting, “was that I… uh, remember when we all agreed to go rescue Yukio from jail?”

Shima’s eyes widened, and Rin instinctively knew that the teen had figured it out, “you went by yourself.”

“Yup. Got the job done, too.”

“But… he fled the scene with a car!”

Rin suddenly felt proud of his little plan from all those months back, and jabbed a thumb into his chest, “I spent all my savings on it!”

“Our savings,” Yukio corrected with a sigh, pushing up his glasses, “but, indeed, Nii-san helped me escape that night. He gave me the keys to the car and ran off, telling me to decide where to drive it myself… and I choose the Illuminati.”

“Then…” Shima started filling in the blanks- only to stop mid-sentence awkwardly.

Rin whipped around to give Yukio a suspicious glance, seeing that his twin was glaring at their old friend. “Huh?”

Yukio cleared his throat, “what happened after that doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here now and that you're safe. Right, Nii-san?”

He blinked, “I guess. I mean,” he started picking wax out his ear, more to fill the blank space in the room than to relieve any itch, “I don’t really care. There isn't a battle I’ve gone into that I haven't come out of… speaking of- what happened with that demon horde? And the school? Is everyone okay?”

Both of the teens with him made a face. Shima, unexpectedly, was the first to move- shutting off the console. Yukio was next, immediately, working in sync with Shimla to begin pulling Rin out of the room, as if the two of them had goddamned telepathy or something! Rin choked.

“What?”

“That's… a long story,” Yukio started, pulling harshly. Rin looked over his shoulder to see Shima wave at them before the door was slammed shut, “one that I’m not sure you will… enjoy…”

“Huh?”

He had the distinct feeling of boulders falling down to the bottom of his stomach.

Yukio went silent for a long while, pulling Rin into a large, sprawling library. Heh, no wonder Yukio joined the stupid Illuminati- he probably loved this place, being the nerd that he was.

“Just hurry up and tell me, spotty-four-eyes!” Rin huffed, tail swishing around in agitation as his brother all but pushed him into a sinfully comfortable chair by a cozy, already-lit fireplace. Indeed, Yukio must have already planned for them to come here because there was a steaming mug of something on the table next to Yukio’s chair. Or maybe he had been here all day and was just waiting for Rin to finish playing with Shima.

“You need to promise me that you will remain calm.”

Rin crossed his arms, giving Yukio a look that simply said  _ he wasn't going to do that.  _ “I’m already not calm, Yukio, and not telling me will only make things worse.”

Yukio sighed- damn he had been doing that a lot today - and rubbed at his forehead, “I’m sure we don't have all the information, being an enemy organization… but the attack on True Cross was rather… devastating, I would say.”

Rin’s pupils were pinpricks- he sucked in a shuddery breath, “then, everyone…?”  
Yukio shook his head, “I can't be certain. They weren't reported on the casualty list, but they haven't been seen by any of our agents since-” Rin opened his mouth and Yukio put up a hand, “not even our inside operatives.”

“So they’re…”

“Missing, but not dead.”

Rin stood up, “we have to go find them!”

Yukio stood up fast- standing in front of Rin before he even realized what was happening, “no, Rin. You’re still sick, and it’s not safe-”

“To hell with that-” Rin slapped away Yukio’s hands, which we're trying to grab him again (seriously, when had Yukio gotten so touchy?), “I feel fine! And even if I didn’t, do you really expect me to just stay here while everyone sin danger?”  
“They… they aren't necessarily in danger, Nii-san. Nobody said they were hurt and killed. Just missing. For all we know, they've hidden away and recovered. Or, even looking for you.”

“Which means I have to find them, so they know I’m okay!”

Yukio’s face slacked, “Rin…”

“What?” Rin parked at the sudden stillness in the room. He knew that something had to be very, very wrong. His throat went dry, and he pursed his lips, “Yukio, what is it?”

“Satans looking for you. For  _ us _ .”

“Huh?”

“Do you think that horde just randomly attacked True Cross?’

Rin frowned, “Yeah, sure, demons attack all the time.”

Yukio pushed up his glasses, eyes fluttering to the side, “not in an organized manner. Besides the Illuminati has resources to prove it; Satan has somehow managed to start affecting Assiah, even if not physically. And he's searching for us, his spawns.”

The room went silent for a long while. Yukio stared at him with the most genuine concern in the world- and when he reached out, Rin didn’t slap him away. He just stood there, thoughts whirring.

“I think the last thing your- our - friends would want would be for either of us to get captured by Satan.”

As much as he absolutely hated it- the idea that his friends were possibly in danger or hurt or even killed or even just simply worried that he was any of those things… he hated it. Hated not doing anything about it.

But… he knew what Satan wanted to do with him; wear him like a goddamned suit so that he could destroy Assoah. And Rin could think of nothing worse that he could bring to his friend,s than Satan himself.

If letting his friends fend for themselves (missing not dead, missing not dead, missing not dead-) was the price he had to pay to keep Assiah out of Satan’s claws… then… 

“... yeah.”

He couldn't… couldn't decide. Part of him, a very large part, wanted to say that he could help his friends, and avoid being captured by Satan.

But the horde- he’d already almost been captured once. If i wasn't for Yukio saving him… 

Rin’s eyes clouded over and Yukio patted him on the shoulder.

“I’ll be around if you need me.”

“Kay…”

The door slammed shut and Rin’s eyebrows knitted together.

His stomach was churning, the sick feeling from before coming back with a vengeance. Everything seemed so… so wrong. Every insect in his body was telling him to run to find his friends. But the way Yukio looked at him… and Satan?

He punched a bookcase and didn't bat an eye as an entire shelves-worth of books came raining down, smacking his head.

Then, his gaze flitted to the windows; they had some kind of funny-looking steelwork on them… almost like prison bars. He snorted. And punched the bookcase again. Fewer books fell, this time, but his hand was ripped open, blood fell onto an open manga; one that Yukio had specifically placed in there for him. He didn't care.

He had to choose between abandoning his friends and abandoning his twin. 

Goddamn, it was like choosing between being a demon and a human all over again; and he hadn't even made up his mind on that, either! Why did all the hard questions get put on him?!

\---

Yukio left with a sigh, closing the door quietly behind him. It was probably best to just let Rin cool off on his own… no matter how upset he got, he usually found a way to calm himself down, eventually.

“Are you sure that was the best idea?”

Shima was leaning against the wall, giving Yukio a cold regard.

“Yes,” he replied, pushing up his glasses and beginning to walk. Shima followed behind him, footfalls purposefully loud against the marble flooring.

“Really? Cause I think telling him everyone was missing was the worst option you could have picked. If you said they were alive he’d be fine with it- and if you said they were dead he would grieve, but see that there was no reason to return to True Cross,” Shima threw his hands up, “telling him they were missing just makes him want to find them!”

“I know that,” Yukio said, eyes cold and sharp as he regarded his old student, a small flare of blue alighting the air. “I know Rin better than anyone- he’s currently in too fragile a state to believe that all his friends are dead, even if that's what I would prefer him to think. But if I were to tell him that now, he would break. But telling him they’re all alive and okay would make True Cross too easy a place to return to. I can't do that- at least not fully.”

Shima jeered at him- despite everything they had gone through together, Yukio knew the man all-but detested him. Yukio was sure there was nobody who didn’t; but fear was a powerful weapon, one that Yukio weld well. 

“So you’re giving him hope?”

“For now. When he's further along with his conditioning then I will tell him that everyone is proclaimed dead; but until then, he must think they are alive.”

(He would tell Rin everyone was dead as soon as it became true.)

So that he had reason to continue living. He needed them; that was until Yukio made sure he was Rin’s only reason for living. Rin was for Yukio only- and he thought it fitting for Rin to think the same of him. He smiled at the thought, giddy, warm energy pulsing in his chest.

“And if he runs away?”

“He won’t. Or, rather, he can’t; I’ve outfitted the castle with the best security.” Not to mention the tracker… if Rin ever did escape, Yukio would know instantly, as soon as he stepped outside of the parameters Yukio had programmed into the chip. Then it would be a matter of minutes…

(And a matter of punishment- the idea confounded Yukio. He didn't want to hurt his brother ever, in any way, shape, or form… but at the same time, the idea of having Rin strapped down to his mercies… excited him. In a way that was all too disgusting, but all too accepted by him by now. He’d done plenty of disgusting things, this would simply be the first pleasurable one.)

Shima frowned, “well  _ when  _ he runs away- because I’m sure you know as well as I do how smart that kid can really be… he’ll figure out that you lied to him. And I'm sure you know what will happen, then.”

“How can you be so sure about this?” Yukio asked blue fire dancing in the air around them. Enough so for Shima to feel the heat, but not get burned. Yet. It wouldn't be the first time. “Are you thinking of betraying me, Shima?”

“And get roasted alive?” the young man blanched, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Okumura is a good guy and all, but he's not worth my life.”  
Yukio’s eyes narrowed.

“Er- sorry, Okumura-sensei. Maybe he is? I dunno, he's an old friend, but I don’t know him as you do. The only time we knew each other was when I was pretending to be his classmate, remember?”

“... understandable.”

Yukio tore away from the conversation, trying his best to keep a cool head. 

“Rin…” he mumbled, images flashed in his mind, all of his older brothers. Smiling. Laughing. Cooking. Dancing. With the others…

He growled.

They took up too much oh Rin’s thoughts. Too much of his heart, of him. He was Yukio’s twin, his brother, his precious Nii-san. The thing that Fujimoto made him swear to protect. The thing Yukio wanted to protect, long before the promise.

The others were in the way.

He pulled out his phone, hissing as he started calling a well-worn number.

“Homare? It’s time.”

“... of course, sir.”


	7. Chapter 7

Everything had been so different after Rin had left.

Shiemi’s fingers knitted into his apron, wrinkling the fabric far too much to be considered non-damaging, and as sad as she was to think she was ruining one of her last tethers to her best friend, she couldn't help herself.

Everyone was so… so angry. So confused and upset. And hurt. They didn’t know why Rin left; nobody knew why except for Shiemi.

And she couldn't live with the guilt; the guilt of knowing. 

There had been many times where she wanted to crack under the pressure, to just start screaming at the others because  _ how could they ever accuse Rin of abandoning them? Of being a coward?  _ He left to  **save** them. He did the most courageous thing of all- and now? Shiemi didn't even know if he was still alive.

A small part of her had hoped. She hoped that Yukio was still the same shy, introverted, yet incredibly brave Yuki that she had known. The Yuki who loved his brother, even if he got annoyed with him. The Yuki that swore to protect everyone.

But she just… wasn't sure.

Things had changed, so fast, yet so slow. Shiemi felt like the years flew by in seconds, yet at the same time, Death was slowly creeping upon them, like cobwebs forming on her toes and feet and ankles and calves, bringing her down to the ground and refusing to let her legs tear away.

She was used to living life like that.

Expect, now? She didn't have Rin and Yukio to cut the roots and save her.

She had to be strong, for herself.

All her life she had been playing catch-up with all her friends; but lately, she realized that they're all working hard, trying to catch up to somebody of their own. Yukio had always been working to catch up to Father Fujimoto, and Rin with Yukio. Suguro with his father and Shima with his brother. Koneko with the two of them. Kamiki with her mother. 

And Shiemi with everyone.

But not anymore. Yukio had left too long ago for them to continue feeling his absence in their group; Rin had stopped trying to catch up to him years ago, instead of focusing on just keeping everyone alive and together. And he did.

And now it was Shiemi’s turn.

She wasn't all that smart or charismatic or a naturally born leader… but, come to think of it, Rin wasn't any of those things, either. If it was one thing that kept them all together, it was his relentless optimism and hope and unwillingness to let the world bring him down. His wild plans and crazy ideas and masterful flames were something they could all anchor themselves to, something that kept them all going like a flickering blue light in the darkness.

She Shiemi thought that she could do that, too. Perhaps she wasn’t a light to follow, but rather the soothing balm you placed on your knees when you scraped them in the dark. And, indeed, everyone had been hurt by Rin's absence.

She wasn't a leader, but a healer. And heal, she must do.

Shiemi threw the apron onto her bed and stormed out of her room, her kimono (three sizes too big, but one could never be picky) dragged slightly against the ground as she marched. She could care less.

In the lobby of the decrepit apartment building they had set up in were the Exwires, Lightning, and Homare. She smiled at them as she pushed her way into the middle of the room.

“What's this?” Lightning asked, shifting, “she's got an energy to her.”

Bon smacked him. Shiemi grinned, though, and cleared her throat.

“No more sitting around,” she proclaimed, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention, despite already having it, “today, were going to do something productive!”

She got a bunch of blank looks.

“Huh?” Kamiki wobbled slightly on her prosthetic (but she was getting better each and every day!), frowning, brows tensed in that usual way that made a little crease between them, “productive? In this wasteland?”

Bon sighed, “if you mean we're looking for Okumura again…”

“No,” she quickly said, “if Rin’s going to come back, he's going to come back on his own. And...” she clasped her fingers together, “he can't come back to us if we're all dead, can he? I say we start training!”

They all blinked, again. There was a chatter of disagreements, moans of distaste and complaints, but Shiemi just stood there, back straight and eyes sparkling. She couldn't; afford to feel self-conscious- not when so much was riding on her to keep everyone together.

That had been Rin’s job, but Rin was gone now. And Shiemi was the only person who knew where he was… but… she couldn't tell them. She knew it was horrible, keeping such important information from everyone.

But it was what Rin wanted. He didn't want them all to know the sacrifices he made for them. And so until he came ( _ when when when _ not if-) she would keep that secret for him. And until he came back, she would take his role from him.

It was the least she could do; considering that she was lying to everyone she knew and loved.

“... why not, huh? I say we do it.”

It was surprisingly Koneko who said it.

\---

They all wandered outside, Shiemi somehow managing to lead the pack of her friends for perhaps the first time in her life. They all waddled behind her like cute little ducklings- only if ducklings were tall and human and scraped up and angry… and, honestly, just then she realized how pathetic they all looked.

They all knew it was bad; but did anyone truly see themselves in the mirror anymore? Izumo hobbled when she walked, still unfamiliar with her new legs. Lightning was messier than he ever had been, before- really, he looked more like a shabby alley-cat than he did a human. Speaking of cats, they had no idea where Kuro went.

Koneko was thin and small and seemed to waste away a little bit more each and every day. Shiemi had the faint feeling that he was giving up his meagre helpings of food for the other survivors. 

And Bon?

He hadn't seen that bad, before… or, maybe it was a new perspective? Either way- he was just a shadow of who he had been before. He had been so strong, so brave, muscular and tall and proud with his dyed hair. Now it was black and greasy and shaggy. His muscles had all but withered away from either starvation or lack of proper training… or, really, Shiemi just thought he had lost his discipline with the ending of True Cross. He looked so… broken, as he walked.

Rin’s disappearance had been hard on him. Out of everyone here, Shiemi and Bon were the closest to Rin… and, well, only one of them really knew what happened.

She honestly didn't know what Bon thought Rin’s reasons for going were- but she did know that he had given up on ever seeing the half-demon again. 

She…

Wondered if she should tell him…

Or if that would just make everything worse.

Thinking Rin abandoned them would be much better than knowing the truth, she thought. Handing himself over to Yukio like that- was basically suicide. And both she and Rin knew that. Of course, Rin knew that… and, of course, he went anyway. There was no saying if he had survived this long. Or, maybe he was being tortured right this second? Hung up in the middle of Yukio’s territory (the last remaining civilization) and put on display for the ending of the resistance?

Should they even try to free him? Would it even matter?

Or were they doing Rin a favour by moving on?

\---

Homare sighed as she stood in the building, watching from the windows as the children all ran outside to do… who knows what. She didn’t particularly care- but, for some reason, she found her own spirits raising ever so slightly at the slight improvement in the group's morale.

And then she received the call.

She was to kill off the pitiful remains of True Cross, under the orders of the new Demon Lord, Okumura Yukio.

She held her pistol, the weight somehow unfamiliar, heavy, oppressive and cold in her gloved hands. The woman turned it over, considering. Then, she remembered the smiling blonde girl. The shy, but a loveable monk. The ferocious shrine-maiden who had lost a leg but none of her attitude.

And found herself hesitating.

These were…  _ good  _ people. 

And once, Homare thought the same thing about herself. That while her methods may not have been the most accepted among the world; but, certainly, the end she would bring about through the Illuminati and through following her commander would bring about a better future for all. That the pain and the suffering of the world would be erased.

But now her commander was… somewhere. Presumably alive, but suffering. Withering away in a body which didn't hold him. His younger had taken his role as leader of the Illuminati, then dean of Gehenna and destroyer of Assiah.

And the peace she had lived for, had been ready to die for, had been crushed along with it. There was no chance for the Illuminati to receive redemption. No chance that the original plan would ever come to fruition.

Okumura Yukio had no need for it. He cared not for the world. He was a raving lunatic who cared only for power, truth… and his older brother. 

And she wasn't sure whether or not Okumura Rin was deserving of it. The boy was certainly everything beyond (or perhaps below) their expectations. To the point where nobody understood why he did what he did, or what he planned to do next If he ever planned at all. But they all knew the same thing; that he was making the world a better place. Be it through bringing joy to a singular person, risking his life to save an entire city. Nay, the entire world, on a few occasions.

Only for it all to be thrown away for a couple of children. That was the Okumura Rin she had come to expect, after months of observing him. And she didn't know if he was deserving of the feverish love of his twin, or the punishment that came from being in his possession.

Perhaps both. Perhaps neither. She wasn't entirely sure if either could even be applied to him, anymore. She didn't know the full extent of what Lord Okumura was going to do to him… or how the other Okumura would take it. 

Perhaps he loved his brother. Perhaps he could fix him.

He was a good person who did good things simply for the sake of good. He wasn't like her- he didn't have a grand ambition that would save the world. He didn’t care more for the ends than the means. He simply was. And what he was is good. Or, rather,  _ was  _ good. Homare could not be certain of his fate.

Whether he was alive and slowly being moulded into a toy, a pet, all for Okumura Yukio’s satisfaction? If he had been chained away somewhere to never see the light of day? If he had been killed and ripped open and stuffed and sewn back together? 

All she knew was that he was in the hands of his younger twin. And that he would never escape.

She lowered her gun, backing away from the window and from the children with a sigh. One of relieves.

Unlike Okumura Rin- Homare was not trapped by Okumura Yukio.

She was free, and she was going to start that freedom by making her own choices.

First, by destroying her phone and burning her uniform.

Then, by protecting the children that Okumura Rin sought to protect and Okumura Yukio sought to destroy.

\---

Rin was slammed to the floor. Again. Much to his annoyance, and rolled, avoiding the foot that Yukio tried to slam down on his chest- and Rin knew the bastard and purposefully avoiding his face. Cocky four-eyes!

He growled and leapt to his feet, rushing his twin and twisting under a misplaced punch, easily sliding into an opening and bring up his own fist to attack his brother, straight in the jaw, cause he was never really one to hold back, now was he? Yukio grunted, but didn't even move back from the blow, which surprised Rin more than stun him- but any opening was something Yukio wholly took advantage of, quickly zeroing in and kicking Rin in the jaw.

“Payback,” his twin smiled, pushing up his glasses and… holy hell he didn't even break a sweat!

Rin gawked, and once more, Yukio took advantage of it, grabbing his shirt and easily throwing him over his shoulder. It was the second time he hit the mats, and this time, Rin didn't get up. He just groaned and tugged at his hair.

“Since when did you get so strong?” he asked, annoyed, glaring at his brother at a weird angle… it almost looked like Yukio was upside-down, smugly staring down at him. There was this glint in his eyes… ah, no way, it was probably just his glasses reflecting strangely at the angel Rin was laying at.

“I’ve been training for years, Nii-san, to become an exorcist. And the Illuminati has excellent trainers,” he proudly said, though at the same time he leaned down and held out a hand… one which Rin begrudgingly took.

“You’re not supposed to be able to kick my ass, though,” Rin pouted, tail swishing low, annoyed. Yukio’s own tail was rather stationary, almost curling around his body at the low position it almost always took.

When he was first brought here, Yukio always hid his tail- hell, he didn't even know he had one! But after the semi-dramatic reveal of it, his twin had taken upon always revealing it around Rin… and something in his demonic instincts purred at the notion. Well, a demon's tail was their weak-point, so it was a huge sign of trust to show them to each other… or, at least that we what the clown once told him. Rin usually ignored his advice, because he just liked having his tail out all the time, since it was more comfortable.

Stupid demon-etiquette. Though it wasn't like he couldn't say he didn't subconsciously understand it… because of his stupid Satan-genes, and all that.

He fidgeted, pulling his hand from Yukio’s as soon as he was up and rubbing it on his sweatpants, groaning. “Now I’m all sweaty, Thanks, Yukio.”

His twin gave off a small, warm laugh, “maybe you should think twice before challenging me, Nii-san. I’m a lot stronger than before.”

Rin grimaced at the reminder of his second defeat, “yeah, no kidding. Makes me wonder how an actual fight between us would go down…” he cringed at the thought. Not that he ever imagined needing to  _ actually  _ fight Yukio. He couldn't really imagine a circumstance in which he’d ever be willing to kill his precious brother.

(Something in him settled at the thought of fighting Yukio. Like it was a good thought. Like it was something he was meant to be doing. Rin shuddered. What was  _ wrong  _ with him, lately?)

“Let's hope it never comes down to that,” Yukio’s tone was light, but it still made Rin tilted his head; he couldn't entirely be sure whether or not his twin was joking. He… liked to think he was.

It would be weird if he wasn’t.

(He wasn’t he wasn't he wasn't he wasn't he wasn't he wasn’t he wasn’t.)

“Yeah, right,” Rin rolled his eyes, playing along with the joke, which really only solidified that it was, indeed, a joke. “As if we’d ever fight,” he chuckled, marching towards the end of the training room with Yukio hot on his heels.

“Of course we wouldn’t,” Yukio agreed- thank god. “I mean,” he pushed up his glasses, grinning…  **evilly** , “unless you continue to do badly in your exorcist studies.”

Rin shiverd. He hated Yukio’s evil teacher™ persona! It never failed to give him the willies, even on a good day. 

“Not everyone can learn through books, Yukio!” he groaned, rubbing at his sweaty hair and cringing- already moving towards his room so that he could take a shower. The weird feeling that he got when he first took one here was quickly vanishing with each and every shower, and right now… well, he was looking forward to getting clean.

“Then we can always spar some more. And since we both have the flames now, we can train with that together.”

“Oh, right,” Rin nodded as they got to his room- Yukio surprisingly holding the door open for him as he trotted inside, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…” he said, idly, going to the dresser to pick out some fresh clothes.

“Hm?” Yukio hummed, leaning against the wall, eyeing Rin from across the room.

“Well… uh,” having nothing else to occupy his hands with, Rin just stood there, holding his clothes (or, rather, they were borrowed clothes. That seemed to fit him… perfectly), “just, like, what's up with that? Are you good at controlling them? What do they feel like? I mean, I don't know how well I can explain having my own flames… but yours aren't connected to Kurikara. So that's… different. How do they… work?”

(He was scared of ever losing Kurikara… or having it break. What would he become? What was Yukio? Certainly, he wasn’t human anymore… but was he also in a state of in-between, like Rin? A demon, with without a demon heart?)

Yukio nodded solemnly, “just as you said, I think it would be rather hard for me to explain it in a way that you would understand… but for the other questions, I’m sure you would better understand if I demonstrated- like in another spar. Ah, but you must be tired...” Yukio mumbled as if he himself wasn’t.

Then again, Rin didn't think that Yukio broke a sweat in their little sparring match- which was unfair and weird. Yukio has asthma, for crying out loud! Or maybe his demon-ness fixed that…? He still had his glasses… 

“How about we try it tomorrow? For the rest of today, we can go to the library again?”

Rin threw up his hands and, well, he forgot that he was holding clothes, so they splayed everywhere! Even the underpants! He quickly scooped them up, muttering, “that's boring!”

Yukio was eyeing him… or, rather, his clothes, rather oddly, “what else do you purpose we do?”

“I wanna go outside!” Rin quickly said.

Yukio sighed, “why don't you take your shower? And then we can discuss it, hm?”

“Geez,” Rin grumbled, but walked past his twin and into the bathroom anyway, “you’re sounding like an old man.”

Yukio just sent him a chipper smile when Rin turns to close the door, “and you act like a mom, with all your cooking and cleaning.”

“Low blow.”

He closed the door in Yukio’s face. And fuck, it was  _ satisfying _ .

\---

Rin didn't know how he did it; but, somehow, Yukio folded to his will. He was grinning like the cat who got the cream as Yukio lead them towards the mysterious land of ‘outside’, and boy, did he need some sun! He had been trapped indoors for far too long!

He was giddy, practically vibrating, really, as Yukio opened a door… and there was the sun!

Rin ran out, smiling up to the bright, happy orb of warmth in the sky as he stretched out, marvelling in the fresh air. His tail was wagging faster than a dog’s at this point, and Rin really couldn't bring himself to care.

“You’re really enjoying this, huh?” Yukio commented from the doorway, having only just barely stepped outside. He leaned against the wall in the shade… and oh, right. Yukio had always been more of an indoor cat, so to say.

Rin was definitely a wild cat. 

Even if their tails said a different story; with Yukio’s sloping like a tiger and Rin’s puffing up like a house cat, their personalities were truly the opposite. Rin didn't find himself minding; on multiple occasions, Shiemi had commented on how cute his tail was.

Wait…

He literally never remembered a time when that happened. Why, then, had the image of a grinning Shiemi brushing through the fur on his tail come to his mind? She'd never… done that…?  
His brain was weird. It was the lack of fresh air; it had to be!

“I just like being outside,” Rin finally said, realizing that his brother had been expecting an answer. He rubbed the back of his neck, “sunshine is good for you, and all that!”

“Of course, Nii-san. How could I forget?”

Rin laughed, turning to inspect just where they were, exactly. He blinked away the sun's waves, trying to dissipate them with his hand so that he could see… walls. Huh? He looked around, frowning slightly at just how  _ confined  _ the  space was. Like, he was in a little cage outside, rather than being in an open field. A sudden cold wind swept by, reminding him that it wasn't summer anymore. No- it was more like late fall.

“It’s a courtyard,” Yukio was  _ very suddenly behind him-  _ a hand on his shoulder as he explained, “so that Illuminati members can rest outside without being under threat of attack.”

“Yeah…” Rin slouched, “but that doesn't explain why  _ we're  _ here.”

Yukio looked at him oddly… with really sharp, strange eyes that Rin didn't reverb his twin having, “I’m a member of the Illuminati, remember Rin? And you are, currently, under the protection of the Illuminati. Under our jurisdiction, if you will. The organization's enemies have many reasons to attack us.”

“Yeah, but…” his tail wilted, “isn’t the Illuminati’s enemy True Cross?” the idea hadn’t really come into his head until then but yeah, he could remember Lucifer proclaiming war with Yukio by his side… Shima being the spy…

Wait, Shima being the spy? Lucifer? Who the hell was that...? 

What… was wrong with him? Like, seriously? He was remembering a bunch of stuff that definitely hadn't happened to him. Like, he was just sitting there, y’know, thinking, and then a little thought slipped into his head. A memory that didn't belong to him.

But why would he think of such things? He wasn't some kind of creative-writer or something! He didn't think of plot-twists like that! Shima was-

Shima  _ was  _ currently a member of the Illuminati.

So that made sense.

“Well… I suppose. Rin? Are you alright?”

Huh?

Oh, right, he had been in the middle of a conversation with Yukio. He turned to regard his twin, frowning, “then wouldn't they want to help? I mean, True Cross knows I’m on their side… and if any of our friends were with them, they'd try to help both of us! They’d never attack me!”

“I suppose. But not everyone is well informed… and when I left, I was a demon, a criminal that was going to be executed. And you’re a demon of the same father- Satan. I’m sure many in True Cross are already suspicious of you, and so they would call you a traitor if they saw you amicably associating with me.”

Rin didn't understand all those words but he got the general idea of it.

If people saw in with the Illuminati then they'd think he was a spy or a defector. And then they'd try to execute him, too, since, well, technically his execution order had never fully been lifted. 

(But, wait, it  _ had _ . When he passed the exorcist exam-)

Damn Yukio and his logic!

He just sighed and moved back to the courtyard, taking in some more of the scenery. There was a fancy-looking fountain, spraying cool rivets of water in the air. Multiple benches, nestled in both the sun and the shade- probably arranged that way for people’s preferences, were scattered across the courtyard, some tucked away and others in view of the fountain. There were lots of plants, bushes… and some pretty flowers that Shiemi would probably like… ah, but they looked like they were wilting. Ready to hibernate for the upcoming winter.

And a picnic table, in the back.

“We should eat out here, sometime!” Rin said, “bring along Shima, too. Y’know, just have a nice lunch outside.”

Yukio contempt it for a moment, “if that is what you desire.”

“Yeah? You took a while to convince to even come out here… so I thought you’d say no!”

Yukio frowned, “I wasn't hard to convince,” he muttered.

“Uh, yeah you were. Mr. I Hate The Sun. I’m surprised people don't mistake you for a vampire instead of a demon!”

“Well… I was simply worried about your safety,” Yukio argued, deflecting rom Rin's name-calling. “but I suppose this is a rather fortified area, so feel free to come out here when you wish. So long as you don't venture beyond the courtyard, we should be safe.”

“Kay,” Rin said, only half-listening as he moved to the picnic table. It was a wooden one, but unlike public ones, it was still in very good shape. The Illuminati people at least knew how to take care of their stuff. “I should make us lunch… and we could have a little picnic. Just like old times, ne?”

Yukio smiled, “like old times, huh? I think I would like that, Rin.”

Rin beamed, “let us get on it, the!”

“... right now?!”

“Is there a better time? It’s not like we're doing anything, is it?”

“I suppose not…” Yukio crossed his arms, “and we have yet to eat lunch…”

“Great!” Rin slapped him on the back and started enthusiastically speed-walking to the door, “I’ll get started in the kitchen, and you go rope Shima into coming kay?”

“Sure.”

Only Yukio met him in the kitchens, fifteen minutes later. 

Rin looked up rom where he as preparing some sandwiches and salad, frowning, “wheres Shima? I didn't think he'd want to miss some good food.”

“He had some duties to attend to, so it will just be the two of us. Is that alright?”

“Well…” Rin looked down at all the food he prepared, “I mean, I don’t mind, but I kind of made a lot for just two people,” he chuckled nervously, “oops.”

“Leftovers are fine,” Yukio said, coming over to observe the two pies Rin had baking in the oven, “we can always eat it later.”

“Yeah!” more picnics sounded fun! Even if… they should be doing something else… what was it again? Rin felt a pressing urge in the back of his skull- but one look at Yukio and the idea faded away and happy thoughts of spending time with his brother returned, “I can always pack some for Shima and give it to him later…”

It reminded him of when he, Bon, Koneko, and Shima often ate lunch together… 

That was right.

He needed to _ find his friends _ , make sure they were all okay-

“Rin?”

Yukio’s hand was a warm, reassuring weight on his shoulder. The bubble of an idea popped and Rin found himself grasping at what it was, again.

His thoughts were so inconsistent lately. Sometimes he remembers things that didn't happen, and other times he was forgetting what his mind was just tittering over. Maybe… it was because he still had that fever.

How long was it going to take for his immune system to kick it away? He was a demon- he wasn't even supposed to get sick in the first place!

“Yukio, how much does a fever mess with your memory?” he suddenly asked, closing a sandwich, “I mean, like…” he fidgeted, grabbed the knife-

Yukio pulled it out of his hands and cut the sandwich for him, “let me help,” he simply muttered, before looking up at Rin, “and why do you ask? Are you having problems?”

Rin shrugged, “I dunno. I’ve just been… having real inconsistent thoughts.”

“Inconsistent?” Yukio frowned, cutting the last sandwich and packing them into plastic container Rin had already prepared- since, sadly, the Illuminati didn't have any picnic baskets lying around.

Rin shrugged again, feeling a little helpless as his twin easily took over his kitchen, “yeah, just like… I keep thinking of things that haven't happened. Or, like, I’ll be thinking of something and then forget what it was. Things like that.”

Yukio pursed his lips strangely, in a way that Rin through maybe he was trying to hide… a frown? Or something? “Ah, I see. A fever can easily make a person lose their train of thought… but with memories… I should probably reassess you after we eat. And make sure that your problem isn’t anything worse than a cold.” Yukio shrugged, “you may need to start taking some new medications.”

Rin frowned. He hated Yukio’s stupid pills- always shoving them down his throat. He thought that he'd already be done with them! But no- he was gonna have to take  _ more _ .

“Speaking of- while we eat lunch you’ll have to take another dosage.”

Rin groaned but grabbed the offered container and followed Yukio out towards the courtyard. “That's annoying,” he grumbled.

“But you want to feel better, right Rin?”

“Yeah…”

Yukio sent him a cheerful smile, “well, the only way to do that is to take all your medication.”

“Whatever,” Rin grumbled, though he knew that Yukio was right. Medicine is what cured sick people- so it was only natural for  _ his  _ medicine to cure  _ his  _ sickness. He just didn't like it.

They reached the courtyard, and Rin immediately brightened at the presence of the sun. His tail wagged and he soaked in the fresh, warm rays, running over to the picnic table and eagerly setting out the food and drinks. Yukio came by with the sandwiches and helped, too.

This was… great. He was happy, Yukio was smiling, teasing him while also complementing the nice spread Rin had made for them.

This…

He wouldn't mind if they kept doing this. Which they would be, because of Rin-

Rin, what? His mind flickered, fighting against something. Trying to grapple onto an important thought, which faded faster than he could intercept. 

Rin wanted to say… because he was staying here.

But that wasn’t right. He was only here temporarily- until he recovered, Yukio said. Er, but… Yukio had never said that, had he? Rin blinked, finding that his memories of the first day he woke up here, the one with all the important explanations, was rather fuzzy in his head. He woke up, and Yukio…

Never gave a specific day for when he was going to leave, did he? Come to think of it, Yukio was acting like Rin was just going to stay here permanently.

Which… no.

He bit into a sandwich.

He couldn't stay here forever. Cause his friends…

“Medicine,” Yukio said, pushing the cup towards him alongside a glass of fruit punch. Rin took the pills and found himself swishing them down before he even resisted what he was doing.

What about his friends, again?

He blinked. Cause Yukio was speaking to him, telling him some story… and it was so strange to see Yukio taking on the role of talkative-twin for the day, but Rin didn't find himself minding. It had been a while since he had seen his brother like this… and seeing Yukio happy made Rin happy.

He relaxed and enjoyed his lunch.

“... tomorrow I was thinking we could work with our flames, okay Nii-san?”

“Okay.”

Rin wondered what they were going to do the day after that. He found himself not actually minding, but just curious. Because he was happy and content. His head felt light and fuzzy and there was this warm ache in his chest… 

He liked it here.

Yukio was happy…

Happy because Rin was here... 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter  
> W'ere kind of running low on fully written chapters at this point... oof. I'm still debating whether or not to continue writing this story once I run out. I personally really love it, but I'm not sure if it's a great story for posting... hmm. :(

The next day, Rin was awoken to Yukio in his room. Again. It really wasn't a surprise, at this point, and so he just yawned out a “good morning,” as he rolled out of bed.

“Good morning, Nii-san,” Yukio smiled back, pushing some clothes in his hands as Time as already moving towards the bathroom, preparing to shower, “feel free to take your time… and when you’re finished we can go to my own private training room.”

“Kay,” Rin grinned, closing the door and getting to business. A good twenty minutes late opened it again, fresh, and clean, and with wet hair. Yukio tsked, and grabbed the hairdryer… and Rin was already sitting on the counter, hair so wet that it was dripping not his sweatshirt.

He didn't even bother to towel dry his hair… cause then Yukio had to take longer to dry it.

And Yukio drying his hair felt good.

His hands were nice and gentle, and his nails scraped against his scalp in all the right ways. 

“You have very nice hair, Rin.”

Rin didn’t pay much attention to the words, simply leaning in slightly to the touch and purring- shit, since when did he purr? Well, he felt good, so…

“And your tail, too-” Yukio’s nimbly fingers grabbed the appendage and gave it a gentle squeeze before a wash of warm air floated over it, drying the fur with the help of Yukio’s fingers combing through it, “it looks much better now that I've started helping you take care of it.”

“Oh, thanks,” Rin muttered, feeling himself relax beyond his control as Yukio fiddled with the tip of his tail, light fingers brushing through the hair and gently caressing the skin. Yukio’s fingers were so nice and warm… he leaned into the touch, head resting lightly against his brother’s shoulder as he let out a purr.

Yukio chuckled and patted him on the head, brushing through his hair lightly before he pulled away- and Rin blinked his eyes open. Huh, he didn't remember closing them.

“As much as I enjoy this,” Yukio’s smile was so large and bright and his eyes twinkling with joy, “we must start our training, hm?”

Rin hopped off the counter and found Yukio’s hand sliding into his own, gripping him gently yet firmly as he began tugging him out of the room and down the hallway. It was perhaps a little bit weird, to be holding Yukio’s hand… but really the weirdness only came from their age. When they were younger, Yukio used to absolutely love holding Rin’s hand, leading him to and from school since Rin was so terribly with directions back then.

… Still was, really.

Rin decided not to bring it up or protest it- since Yukio’s hand was really warm and snuggly, fitting perfectly with his own. And it also reminded him of a younger, much cuter Yukio, and of happier days when Dad was still alive and they were a cohesive family.

The memories made him feel warm and tingly… and Rin even wished Yukio had taken up this old habit even sooner. Hw didn’t know why; just that the contact was  _ so comforting  _ and that he didn't want it to stop.

Which was why it was such a shame when the two of them entered a darkly lit room. Yukio flicked on the lights and Rin had to blink away the hardness of it all before he could take in the massive size of the room

It was like the previous training room- yet impossible larger. With an added section for sarring, a batting cage, an entire fucking shooting hall… an entire wall filled with variety of weapons (mostly guns-), and a section filled with a variety of dummies, candles, matches… just, y’know, burnable things.

And… was that an obstacle course? And, there was a glass door which seemed to lead to the  _ outside.  _ Rin felt adrenaline already begin trickling into his bloodstream. 

“This is my private training area,” Yukio explained with a bit of pride, “I thought we could work on your flames a bit, today.”

“It’s huge!”

Yukio laughed, “I suppose so,” he trailed off as he leads Rin into the ‘flame training area’ by the hand.

“The Illuminati must really like you… this is a lot of stuff! All just for you!” 

He was constantly being amazed at just how much Yukio was getting from the Illuminati. It was certainly a lot better than the treatment he got at True Cross… where he was constantly being overworked and overshadowed by the other members in the organization…

Rin was happy that his twin was able to find somewhere where he could be happy.

Where they could both be happy; since he was staying here right?

(No- he was supposed to… be somewhere else…)

“Remember what I said earlier? That, to the Illuminati, we are royalty. The development of Satan’s Sons is an important goal to the Illuminati, especially considering how the commander is our older brother, who takes orders from Satan himself.

Older brother, huh? The idea was foreign to Rin, and he mentally protested it as much as he could. He didn’t  _ want  _ an older brother- dammit! Especially not one that was some kind of… demon-lord-guy.

Yukio was enough family for him. He didn’t need anymore.

He was also concerned about this whole being-in-the-chain-of-command-of-Satan thing, but, well, what was he supposed to do? He was a guest here. Under Yukio’s protection… and, well, he trusted Yukio, and Yukio trusted the Illuminati- so there was some kind of trickle-down-effect with that. 

Plus, he had been here for… how long? A week? And nothing bad had happened. In fact, he'd wager that he had a good time! Spending time with his brother, training, playing with Shima, the picnic… then again, most of the Illuminati people were out on a mission, right?

He didn't know if things would get better or worse when more people came- but he was optimistic. 

“When am I gonna meet him, anyway? That Lucky-guy.”

“Lucifer,” Yukio chuckled, “I would remember not to call him Lucy in his presence, Rin. You might… tweak a nerve.”

“Yeah, yeah. Where is he?”

“Well...” Yukio's shifted uncomfortably, messing around with some candles, “his vessel is… very weak. You understand that, in order for demons to come to Assiah, they have to possess something, yes?”

Rin nodded, a bit unsure. He was pretty sure he had heard something like that before… but fi Yukio was saying it like a fact- then he'd accept it. Again; Rin trusted Yukio. He was his twin, for god’s sake! If they didn't have trust in each other, then what did they have?

“I’m sure you also know why Satan simply doesn't possess someone; because he’s too powerful for anybody in Assiah to contain him,” Rin nodded again- because that wasn't something that he actually knew! It was basically the only piece of knowledge keeping him from having Satan-related heart-attacks at any second. “The Demon Kings have a similar problem. They are far too powerful for Assiah to contain, and while unlike Satan they are capable of possession, their bodies start to wither away after a period of time. For Lucifer, his bodies don’t last even ten years.”

“Ten years…?” Rin blinked, “then, right now?”

“His current vessel is very weak. He has to be constantly monitored and medicated to continue existing in Assiah.”

“Why… doesn't just change vessels?” Rin blinked. As horrible as it sounded to burn through bodies in only a few years, Rin didn't understand why a  _ demon  _ would care. Or have any reason to, well,  _ not suffer. _

“The demon kings are so powerful, that it's hard to find a body that will even contain them. Lucifer stays in his withering bodies for as long as he does simply out of necessity.”

Rin cringed. He was glad that he was half-human so that he could have a human body. He was sure that living in a decaying body was hell. Or, perhaps it was better than hell, considering how the demon kings would rather be in it than in Gehenna. 

(Which also made him really glad that he wasn't in Gehenna.)

“Anyways-” Yukio smiled brightly, “shall we start with the training?”

“Yeah!” Rin’s tail wagged, only to droop when he saw the candles Yukio was holding, “those? I’ve already done this enough with Shura!”

“Well, to my knowledge, you never completed the training, did you? I figured it was best to start where you left off, before moving on to other things.”

“Other things?”

“In due time,” Yukio tutted, putting the three candles down and gesturing to them, “you need to first show me you can do this.”

“Why?” Rin whined.

Yukio pushed up his glasses and sent him a serious look, “It's very important that I understand how well you can control your flames.”

“ _ Why _ ?" Rin just asked again, pouting as he sat down- because he already knew he wants; to get out of this. When he thought about training his flames with Yuki… he thought about them, like, blowing stuff up… and sparring… and maybe even roasting marshmallows a bit.

Things cooked with his flames were surprisingly tasty. Koneko would attest to that.

(Wait… Koneko..? What was he supposed to do concerning Koneko again? His mind was too fuzzy for him to grasp it… but it felt important.)

“Rin-” Yukio called, and his attention was directed back to the task at hand.

“Oh, right!”

Any thoughts of Koneko slipped from his head.

* * *

Rin was making remarkably good progress.

Almost surprisingly so, Yukio thought. Just two days ago, Yukio was breaking the news of his friends being missing, and the two of them arguing over Rin’s desire to try and help them… and, today, it seemed as though he had forgotten the incident altogether.

Almost like they didn't exist.

Which was exactly what Yukio wanted. He felt that, so long as he didn't bring up the topic again, Rin wouldn't be bothered to try to bring it up himself. Shima’s precise was a concern; a tether to the old life that Rin had, and the friends that came along with it, but he also felt that if his brother was doing so well now, then he would be able to get to a point in the future where he would forget them altogether.

And it would just be the two of them.

Everything Was going according to plan. He just… needed to up the dosage Maybe add in a few more drugs to fully start wiping his mind of everything from before he came here. 

Then, Rin would only know Yukio. Only this castle. Father Fujimoto wouldn't even have existed. His friends- he never made any. He didn't need to, because he had Yukio. Just Yukio. He  _ only needed Yukio. _

He was thrumming with excitement from the idea.

There was one concern though: his brother’s strength. 

It seemed as though Yukio had underestimated him. During their tests(under the guise of training) he was surprised to see the level of control that Rin actually had. It was always hard for him to guess; as he had ordered all demons to never truly attack his brother, or only slightly out of the necessity of his true motivations not becoming clear…

But, frankly put, Rin;’s development was nearly as far as Yukio’s own. To the point where Yukio wasn’t sure which of them would win if they were truly going into a battle.

Of course, Rin had a major weakness that would lead Yukio to be the victor… his soft heart. Yukio knew his brother could never truly try to kill him. And that would be his downfall. Even when they had met up after Yukio had destroyed the world and threatened his remaining friends and allies, made him believe he was bringing himself to his death… Rin’s first instinct was to hug him.

He could use that.

His poor twin. He was physically strong, Yukio could acknowledge that. But he was too soft. To innocent. Too naive. Far, far too easy to manipulate. It was almost concerning; who knows who had manipulated his brother before Yukio had saved him from the abomination that had been his life? Who knows what programing Yukio had to pull out of him by the roots?

Well, at least then he'd have the opportunity to plant something else. Something that would better benefit his precious Nii-san. 

It was working. 

It would all end up okay; Rin was content with his life here, worrying for the annoyances that were his friends. It was just him and Nii-san. And Shima, but eventually Yukio would cut the contact between the two of them so that Nii-san could he fully depend on  _ him. _

Then… everything would be right with the world.

Everything would be just how he planned it.

Now, to arrange a day out with Nii-san… he was starting to get angst with being kept inside, and Yukio knew his poor brother would need a breather or two to help him readjust to his new life. That was fine. Yukio had always been patient and for Nii-san? He was willing to invest the time.


	9. Chapter 9

Apparently Yukio was taking him outside today.

Rin was so excited about it that he had actually skipped breakfast- cause Yukio said they would be going out at nine, and since when was Rin ever the kind of person to wake up early enough to have time to get ready? Never. Yukio should have  _ known  _ that- but, well, his brother had always been such a morning person.

He barely got out of the shower by the time Shima had arrived (leaving absolutely not even a minute for breakfast), smiling lightly as he leaned against the doorframe. The teal suit and dark gloves and shiny boots seemed… out of place, for him. But who was Rin to judge? The Illuminati… actually seemed to be trying to do good, so what if they had a uniform?

Apparently, they were trying to help rebuild after the demonic invasion. Some Gehenna gate was opened, or something… uh, Rin didn't really listen to the whole lecture he had gotten about it yesterday, but pretty much; the world had been a bit fucked. True Cross especially as, he remembered.

The Illuminati was one of the few demonically-aware institutions still held power. As such, they were leading the front of reclamation. That was good, he thought, Good. 

Honestly, Rin was just glad to hear that his twin had finally found a purpose. Snd a cause that he himself had chosen, that he was willing to fight for. He knew his twin had never really liked being an exorcist- just that he felt obligated.

And, too, Rin was glad that the organization he had found was kind enough to also offer himself refuge.

If only his friends…

Eh, by his friends- what was it Yukio said? They were gone Not here. But probably safe. That was good, Rin was glad to hear that they were safe, even if they weren't around to hang out with. Safety has priority over their friendship.

At least, that was what Yukio said… ah, but Yukio was different. They were brothers; and so even if he had to die, Rin would maintain that with Yukio. Brothers…

“Rin?”

“Ah, yeah?” he scratched his ear idly, picking out some wax.

“Yukio asked me to get you. Something about the two of you going for a drive?” Shima sent him a crooked smile, “lucky you! Sounds fun, buddy.”

“Yup!” Rin gleamed, sending him a white shock of teeth as he eagerly passed, “a drive… then maybe some training!”

“That doesn't really sound fun,” Shima pouted, “but it also makes me less jealous. Training? No thanks!”

“You’re just lazy,” Rin grinned, stuffing his hands in his pockets and quickly storming through the empty halls. Ah, the emptiness was quiet, and the ferry, but also kind of… nice. Like when the car idling on the street finally stops, and a settling silence filled the room.

“That's true” Shima joked back, patting his shoulder roughly as he streeted Rin towards a staircase… he had never seen before…he had to unlock the heavy-looking door with a fancy-looking key… er,  _ three  _ fancy-looking keys. Heh, Rin almost expects like, an eye-reader-thingy, or something.

It went down. Further down than what he had thought was the main floor. Then again, this was a castle, right? And castles had basements… 

Cool! He wanted to see the basement!

They went down enough stairs for him to  _ think  _ they were going to the basement, but in actuality, they went down to… a garage. Huh, Rin didn't really expect to see a garage of all things in a castle- but he supposed that castles were meant to be lived at, and people… well, drove cars. They must have modified it. The Illuminati, from the bare amount so thing he could recall, was a large organization with a whole manner of transports, and they needed to keep them all somewhere.

Indeed, there had to be dozens of cars strewn out in the cold, concrete garage. By one of them, a slick black car, he noticed Yukio. He was reading some kind of pocket-sized book (heh, image it beings bible. What a nerd!) that he tucked away when he saw the two of them coming.

“Ah, Nii-san. Thank you, Shima. You can go back to your duties now.”

“No problem, Boss,” Shima gave him a little finger salute and left, Rin watching his back.

As soon as the door clicked shut, he excitedly turned to his brother, tail wagging, “so, where are we going? How long? Will we see anything cool? Did you finally get your skin? By the way, this car is  _ sick- _ ”

Yukio put up an exasperated hand, “slow down, Nii-san. Yes, we're going out, probably for most of the day. I've picked up food, don’t worry. And games for you to play. I was thinking we could go out to a garden near here, and maybe train a bit, hm? Or just enjoy the scenery, if you would like.”

“Both of those things are boring…” Yukio looks a tad bit set, so Rin grinned, “but less boring then here! Let's go!”

They both climbed in, and Rin was practically vibrating in his seat as the garage-door folded open and allow them passage. Yukio’s driving was steady and smooth as he took them down a paved roadway that swirled around the base of a tall mountain. Just to drive down the mountain alone took them a good half-an-hour- but maybe that's because Yukio was a turtle who was driving at forty the entire time! 

Rin was practically snoring- or, well, he would have been if not for the decadence of the screen around them. Plush snow covered the ground in a beautiful, perfectly-white blanket that twinkled in the morning sun. He gasped, staring at the trees that had lobes of snow rather than leaves, and the peaceful, completely still roadways all around the castle. He couldn; see much beyond them, what with the snow that littered around, and the mountains that curved up in the distance, but what he could see was… untouched…

Like… like nobody was here. Nobody at all. They were in a completely remote part of the world, ina beautiful castle of weathered-grey brick…

But…

His eyebrows knitted together. 

It was been… autumn… just a few days ago, handling tit? He remembered so firmly. The coming coolness of winter- but it wasn't there yet. It was just lingering, a good month away from the first snowfall.

Hell, he remembered it raining! He remembered Yukio scolding him for going out in the rain… trying to… to help his friends. But with what? His friends were safe and sound, helping to rebuild True Cross.

_ No, they weren’t. _

They weren’t?

(He hadn't even realized that the first snow of the year had fallen.)

_ They  _ **_weren’t._ ** _ Yukio…  _

What did Yukio have to do with this?

(It was snowing that night, too. The night where he saved Yukio's life. Freed him from his execution.)

_ Yukio was dangerous. _

Yukio was his brother.

_ Dan _

_\-- a- a-_

_ a _

_ N _

_ Ger- _

_ R _

_ Ou _

_ S _

_... _

_ (?) _

“Nii-san?”

Rin ‘eeped’ at the sudden slap back to reality. He turned to regard his brother- and for just a moment, he felt the ghost of a car's steering wheel beneath his fingers. The heater was blazing. There was a storm outside, snow and hail slamming against the beaten-down windshield, a dangerous crack right in the middle of it…

Ah, it wasn't snowing. The sky was clear, and a bit of sunlight was peeking through the window to warm only his right cheek.

“Did you eat your breakfast today?”

“Uummmm….” he poked his fingers together. He is about to lie- but his stomach rumbled early at the mention of food. Damn, he had always been a big-eater, “no! I, uh, woke up too late…”

“So you forgot your medication.”

His mind blanked.

“Er- no! No, I didn’t!” he threw up his hands, not liking the cold glare his brother was sending his way, “I, uh, yeah! I remembered it take it! It's important, right?”

“Very.”

Come to think of it… Rin forgot to take his pills before bed, too.

Huh.

“You know, Nii-san… it’s funny,” his brother laughed sheepishly, “I took so much care into grabbing out training equipment and food that I forgot to even grab proper clothing for the weather! I mean, the snow is very deep, and you’re in sneakers…”

“It’s fine.”

“You're still sick. I would hate for your condition to get worse… then you would need even more medication.”

_ Yukio, dangerous. Medication, bad. _

Two simple thoughts kept repeating in his head. Rin couldn't decide if it liked it any more than the foggy haze that was his usual mind.

“Oh, okay. ASte we… going back?”

Yukio sent him an understanding look, “how about we keep driving?”

_ He wanted to stop. Stop stop- get his feet on the ground, the ground outside of the castle. _

“Sure.”

_ Convincing Yukio to let him outside was his only chance of escape- _

Escape? Why would he want to escape? He was… his brother. And they were just looking out for each other… especially in such hard times- it was important to them to stay  _ together! _

(The thought of them being alone in the same car one started to repulse him. He was very glad to have skipped breakfast, indeed. And not just for the churning of his stomach.)

“Ah, I have some old CD’s. Why don't you pick one?”

Yes.

Anything to cover up the thick silence of the car.

_ Yukio knows you want to escape. _

(Escape? That was too extreme of a word)

_ That's why he doesn't want you to leave the car. _

Rin looked at the door. He didn’t remember looking it- in fact, there was no lock on his door to even begin with. The only person who could access it would be Yukio, on the driver's side…

Huh.

Just a coincidence.

(Even someone as stupid as Rin knew that such a new, fancy car couldn’t possibly just  _ have  _ a broken lock.)

* * *

They indeed got back close to the end of the day. Really, they could have just skipped on driving, but the tank had started to run a bit low, and they still needed to make it up the  _ enormous  _ hill that the castle rested upon. Which was fine with Rin, because the longer they drove, the more relaxed he felt.

The sky had darkened and snow started to trickle down slowly, softly, making the scenes outside of the car muted and sleepy. The car itself was pleasantly warm, and Rin relaxed against the plush seta behind him, closing his eyes.

“... Nii-san.”

He blinked, and they were in the garage. Shima was tapping lightly on his window with his knuckles, a grin on his face, “ah, looks like he woke up!”

Rin yawned and rubbed his eyes, “I fell asleep?”

Yukio nodded.

“Sorry.”

“There's no need to apologize. Even I was getting rather tired,” Yukio sent him a warm smile as Shima opened the door for him, “did you enjoy the day out?”  
“Yes!” he eventually replied, gaining a bit of energy just at the memory of it.

They didn't do much. Hell, they didn't even talk much; just simple, comfortable topics. The weather. The castle. Games. Books. Yukio told him a few boring lessons- things he had missed from his Page classes, but still somehow faintly knew. It was simple. Quite, yet enjoyable.

Just the companionable silence between the two of them was enough. He didn’t  _ need  _ excitement every day (even though he liked excitement) and he thought… maybe he was starting to learn what Yukio liked so much about simple, quiet days.

Not that he still didn't want to go against swamps of miasma, flames blaring and blood oozing from his wounds as the bright rush of adrenaline pumped through his blade. It wasn't that he didn't miss the warm sting of callouses from holding Kurikara so hard his knuckles turned white or facing impossible odds with the thrill of the fight and the very lurking sense of death behind him…

But he also thought that maybe, snowy days in the car with his brother were just as nice.

…

If only the nagging feeling of  _ wrongness  _ would just  _ go away. _

Yukio patted him warmly on the shoulder as Shima went around to the trunk, presumably to take care of whatever it was Yukio had packed for them. Yukio kept a firm grip on Rin leading him out the door.

But before he did, Rin sneaked the tiniest of glances backwards…

And saw Shima holding what looked like a pair of mittens.

His eyes narrowed when Yukio pushed him up the stairs, locking the door behind him. As they clicked shut, all three of them, his eyes narrowed even further.

“Why is the door locked?”

“Just… as a safety precaution,” Yukio stumbled a bit, eyes wide as he tucked his eyes awake safely in his pocket- and Rin could tell through the bunch of fabric that he kept a firm grip on them.

“Won’t it be hard for people to get around quickly?”

“... well, most of our members are away working right now. There's very few of us still on staff here to keep the base safe.”

Rin nodded like he accepted his words, but really, his mind was spinning. That didn't make  _ any sense.  _ Okay, maybe it did, logically- but the thing was Rin hadn't  _ seen  _ anyone other than Shima and Yukio for the… for however long he had been here.

Several days. Maybe a week or two.

(Everything was a blur. It felt like days… but the snow… it couldn't have been anything less than a month. But even counting the days he had been awake, it was half a month at most. Then… how much time did he spend sleeping?)

(Rin only then realizes that he was losing his nights and days. He only knew what day or time it was because someone told him, or because he peeked outside one of the windows. Some days, he didn’t look outside the windows at all.)

(It was so confusing. All so confusing. Like he was trapped in a labyrinth. No matter how beautifully decorated, warm, cozy, loving… a cage was a cage. And this one, he didn't know how to escape.)

(he hadn't even known he was in a cage, until now… until too many things started popping up.)

  
  


(Since when had Yukio been so sloppy?)

  
  


Yukio took them to Rin's room, where a pretty lady came inside (pretty lady? Huh, Rin was just thinking about how no one was here. But that wasn’t true; there were  _ servants  _ here. Silent, and nearly unseen. But here nonetheless). She gently placed the tray on the table, smiled, bowed, and left just as quickly as she came, almost as if she were just a gust of wind that had floated through the window.

(Rin realized then that not a single servant had ever spoken to him, in the whole time he had been here. He wondered why.)

Yukio happily ate with him, chatting about meaningless nonsense that Rin only replied to on a basic level. He just occupied his mouth by stuffing food in it- but his fingers tingle whenever he went to grasp for the drinks Like some kind of prey-instinct built upon thousands of years of people avoiding positions.

So, naturally, he reached for another sandwich. It was the last one and gone too quickly. Great, now he had to face… 

“Ah, Nii-san, don't forget to take your medication.”

Yukio handed him the little cup of pills with a warm smile.

Rin didn't forget. 

Nonetheless, he grabbed the pills and chucked them back with some water. But his stomach resisted, his throat seized up, and his brain pleaded with him not to take them.

He hadn't taken them all day. And for perhaps the first time since he had come here- is head actually felt clear. Truly clear. Not just almost-clear but clearer-than-normal. But clear. 

He refused to go back. The misty haze of confusion and lacking memories was haunting him.

So he swallowed the water first. Yukio sent him a look, and Rin grinned all teeth.

“Nii-san.”

Yukio was a doctor; of course, he would know if someone was checking his medicine.

“Are you okay? Is there something wrong with the pills?”

“No,” Rin talked around them, “just… didn't swallow them. Gimme a sec,” he turned around, pouting.

And secretly lt the pills on fire. He could feel the warm heat of his flames, just barely a simmer, cling to the little pills in his mouth- the mixture was hard to get rid of, and so his mouth ended up extremely dry, but he very quickly got a pile of ash rather than the half-dissolved mess that he refused to swallow.

He then quickly swallowed the ash, cause he couldn’t think of a good explanation as to why he would be spitting out ash like that. Besides, ash was, like, different than medicine… chemically-wise, or something.

He immediately get the difference. Or, maybe not immediately, but after however long I had been asking them, he could contrast how swallowing the ash felt it the medication. The medication seemed to hit him instantly, swallowing his mind along with it. It usually made him tired, sometimes even mocking him right out.

But now… he felt almost lively. Energetic. How he usually felt when he was supposed to sleep- he wanted to spend the night reading manga and watching videos on his phone. Like he used to at the dorm, or at the monastery. He was tired. LIke he usually was. 

Rin was now wondering about that; he had always been a ridiculous night owl. He was surprised that he had managed to sleep so easily here; especially when his demon-senses seemed to constantly been on the fritz, warning him of a danger Rin knew wasn't there.

(Or was it?)

Yukio would always get mad  _ then -  _ who knows how he would react  _ now,  _ when his mother-hen instincts had been coughed up.

Rin faked a yawn. He rubbed his eyes and shuffled on the bed, pretending to nod off a bit, as he only slightly remembered having done several times in the past few days.

“Let me help you, Nii-san,” Yukio smiled, as if he expected the reaction.

When he actually was dead-tired, and almost unable to keep himself awake, Rin hand;t found it any strange. How Yukio would help him up, practically holding him, peel back the blankets and held him under the covers. He tucked him in and ruffled his hair- and the way his fingers lingered set Rin off a bit.

Unnatural. Gross. Dangerous. Unwanted. Weird.

This had happened every night.

But only tonight did it seemed… wrong.

Rin waited patiently for the door to close. For Yukio’s footsteps to go as far as they could before Rin’s super-human (demon) hearing couldn't pick up on them anymore… which meant that he had to be at least half-a-floor away, since, well, Rin's hearing was  _ really good,  _ and not a single other sound remained in the castle. 

Then he flipped off the covers and forced himself up.

…

Something was wrong here. And Rin was determined to figure out what.

  
  


He first went around the room; inspecting every crevice. There wasn't much here; despite how elegant and filled the room really seemed. There was the humongous bed, which really took up the most space of the room- it was probably large enough for four people to comfortably sleep on. Yet, Rin was the only one using it. Strange. It felt too big, too empty, after having shared bed and used tiny little things his whole life; the monastery never pulled in any donations or funding, after all. And while Mephtso had been generous to let them stay at True Cross, the accommodations themselves couldn't be considered gracious.

(He would  _ forever  _ be salty about how small his allowance had been.)

But now… he felt a wave of tragic, overwhelming nostalgia hit him at the thought. The memories seemed faded and colourless, like an old photo, or a reel that was half burnt-out. They felt so… far away. Like they happened years ago, and not just months.

Come to think of it, he had these thoughts before; hadn’t he? An ever-present itch of nostalgia, like he was living days that had already passed him by.

It made Rin feel empty, bitter, hollow. 

He shook his head, deciding to venture into the bathroom. All the bedroom really had were empty tables, a bed, a bookshelf with more decorations than books (though Yukio did bring him some manga to read whenever he wanted-), and empty tabletops for purposes Rin didn’t have.

The held little more interest. It was fancy, of course, with a marble sink and bathtub, warm water… his body yearned for the touch of a hot shower yet he hesitated at the way his stomach clenched at the idea of getting naked here. He still hadn’t overcome that feeling of  _ invasive wrongness _ …

But, despite these feelings, it was just a normal bathroom. If not a tad bit messy and getting considerably messier each day Rin stayed here. 

He still searched around, and for some reason, his eyes found themselves peeing upwards.

Huh, that was interesting; he had never noticed that there was a crack in the ceiling beneath the shower spout. His mind sat on the information for a second, and Rin coursed through his thoughts to try and figure out why his instincts were flaring with an intelligence Rin thought might be beyond his years.

He had… the slightest inkling of a thought…

And when he finally pieced together why the crack unsettled him so much, Rin couldn't help but peer closer at it, inspecting.

_ It was strange for a crack in the wall of such a prestigious bathroom. _

Literally, the whole building was a castle; fit for a king. And it was maintained that way. The whole place was up the wahoo in fanciness; and Rin had never seen deformities such as this anywhere else in the building, despite how it seemed rather aged.

And for some reason, Rings subconscious recognized that- and recognized how strange it was to see a crack in the marble walling of his shower. Especially under the showerhead… where water damage could likely occur. Knowing his twin, Yukio would never stand for such a haz\rd in his living space! At least not when he had the power to do something about it- especially here, where Yukio could use his authority to get all his perfectionist tendencies satisfied.

He traced his finger along the crack, sucking in a breath as he brought his face just the tiniest bit closer- there, in the center of the crack… seemed to be a larger chip in the wall.

And there, he saw the tiniest bit of light reflecting…

The door creaked open.

“... Rin?” Yukio’s voice softly called out. 

“I’m, uh-” Rin caused, trying to make his voice sound sleepy, “in here…” he mumbled, getting out of the shower just as Yukio stepped inside.

“What are you doing, Nii-san?” Yukio asked with an innocent tilt of his head.

“I was just going to the bathroom…” he muttered, shrugging a bit and faking a yawn, “then, um… I noticed a crack. Isn't that, like, dangerous? Cause of the water?”

“Oh,” Yukio stilled, walking closer to the shower with a mixture of shock and confusion on his face. Well crafted- his instincts said. Fake- his heart raced.

Rin… didn’t want to disagree. 

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry about that, Nii-san… I’ll have someone look at it,” he vaguely promised, before turning around and grabbing Rin's shoulders gently from behind, “are you finished in here? It’s not good to stay up when you're tired.”

Rin forced another yawn through his lips, blinking slowly, sleepily. He nodded, allowing his brother to lead him to bed once more. The process of getting in was far less… invasive this time and Rin felt his stomach settle a bit as the lights were flicked off and Yukio went into his room next door.

And while he didn’t go to sleep for several hours after that- he still thought he had one of the best sleeps here. Since, well, he didn't wake up still groggy and confused.

  
  
  


(In the back of his mind, he was terrified.)

  
  


(He knew that there was a camera in that chip. But… he just didn't understand why Yukio would place a security camera in his shower? What purpose did that serve? It wasn't like he would get attacked while showering…?)

  
  
  


(Then he remembered the horrible feeling he had every time he showered, and wondered how he unconsciously knew he was being watched.)

  
  


~~ (And he knew exactly why.) ~~


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao when people say they like this ship
> 
> :)
> 
> (Trigger warning)

Rin woke to Yukio having coffee at the desk in his room. He groaned, rubbing at his eyes to get a better look at his brother, whose mug clicked quietly against its saucer. 

“You’re awake,” he commented idly, turning in the chair to face his brother with a polite smile.

“I am,” Rin replied with a yawn, musing with his hair a bit as his tail stretched out lazily behind him. He wagged it a bit, enjoying the freeing feeling and the comfortable stretch.

“I don't have much work today, so I thought we could spend it together. Have breakfast, train, lunch… maybe study, and then have some fun? I think Shima mentioned lending me some DVDs…” Yukio murmured, rubbing his chin in memory.

“Yeah, okay…” Rin rolled out of bed, stretching again and popping his joints, “just let me get changed…” he went to grab some clothes, shuffling towards the bathroom.

“Are you not going to shower?” Yukio asked quietly, stirring his drink.

“I… uh,” to be honest, Rin hated the idea of going back into that bathroom all together… but, the shower? That was especially off-limits, “I showered last night. Besides…” he gulped, “I’ll have to after training anyways, so why do it now?”

“I suppose…” Yukio nodded, “be fast. I already have breakfast here,” he gestured to the table.

Sandwiches and pastries and fruit adorned the table neatly, upon fancy little dishes, plated beautifully. Rin may be a chef, but he was never the kind to think about ‘art’ to food. He just wanted it fresh and delicious; it wasn't going to be pretty in his stomach, so why go through the effort of making it pretty now? Either Way, he was salivating. Though… his eye did catch the unsavoury sight of a paper-pill cup, as well as a paper of powder next to a glass. Great.

He couldn't burn the water. But at least he could burn the pills.

He snuck away to the bathroom, considering what it was he could do about the medicine. As he said, couldn't burn water. Couldn’t just take the powder and burn it without Yukio getting suspicious. Swallowing the water before the pills were one thing, someone getting dilated powder out of the water was another. He could try lighting it up anyways, evaporating it… but that would either make funny-ass steam come out of his nose and ears, or Yukio would be able to feel his flames if he used them long enough. Or both.

He glanced at the toilet while he was changing, swallowing thickly.

There was… always that…

  
  
  


Fifteen minutes later, Rin found himself staring at another toilet. His stomach churned uneasily, and he could already feel woozy, lightheaded fog from the medicine begin settling in his brain- Yukio really deserved some props, because despite Rin not  _ wanting  _ the medicine (for reasons he couldn’t totally discern yet, other than feeling sick and dizzy), he still made a mean-ass drug. Whatever Yukio gave him always set him fast, too fast. like he was being punched in the face by Doctor Mario, or something.

Still, puking it out had to have some benefit, right? Beyond just peace of mind. It… wasn't like Rin's body could have absorbed the entire thing by now, could it?  
Rin slapped his cheeks. He was only in here from a minute excuse of needing to pee in the middle of training- if he took much longer, Yukio would surely come looking.

So, he had to get on this. Rin cringed, pulling down his sleeve and stuffing his fingers into his mouth, jamming them against the back of his throat until he was gagging. Soon enough, he was rocketing forward, spitting and hurling into the toilet below. He groaned, trying not to breathe in through his nose as he wrinkled it at the disgusting mass below him.

It wasn't to say Rin was used to this kind of thing, but it wan;t as if he had never done this before, either. Back in middle school… well, he never wanted to go to school, and it got to the point where Shiro wouldn't let him stay home unless the thermometer or toilet confirmed it.

He leaned against the stall wall, panting slightly and hoping that it was clean- though, for some reason, his skin didn't crawl at the idea of being covered in dirty bathroom grime. Almost like he'd had worse… and then there were the faintest trickles of memory… of unwashed hands and worn out dusty clothes… a lack of water. Cause Shiemi’s water needs took priority.

But… what…?

He blinked, regaining himself enough to flush the toilet and stumble to the sink, washing his hands and face and scrubbing the taste off his tongue. But even by then, it had gone stale and almost unnoticed… again, he had worse. But when? He didn’t remember…

“Rin?” Yukio was knocking on the door which seemed weird because the training room bathrooms seemed just like any public washroom at the gym or pool. He could have easily come in… it wasn't like he respected Rin’s privacy, what with the shower-cam and all…

Rin bit his lip, going to the door and opening it, quickly sliding out, “sorry,” was all he said, hoping Yukio wouldn't catch the smell…

“Did you throw up?”

And he immediately did.

“My stomach was just… upset...” Rin trailed off as Yukio immediately put a hand to his forehead, brow furrowing in worry.

“Was it something you ate?”

Rin shrugged, not wanting to say the thought that tinkered on the edge of his mind… but, come on! When was Rin known for keeping his mouth shut?  
“I think maybe the medicine I took this morning threw me off,” he said, internally cringing. It really was better to just pretend… he ate some bad grapes or the ham in the sandwich was too old, or… something! But let off that he threw up the medicine?

Everyone was right, he really was an idiot.

Yukio hummed low in the back of his throat, pulling away from Rin and putting on his ‘Im thinking’ face. He turned back, eyes narrowing, “no more training for today. Or the next few days. We’ll take it easy and monitor your condition.”

Great. Rin slumped, already feeling the loss of his favourite activity here. Playing with Shima we probably next- since the dude had a  _ sick  _ setup. Then spending calming time with Yukio was after that (which wasn't saying anything to Yukio since training  _ with Yukio  _ was at the top of the list.) Hima dn his stupid big mouth… well, Yukio probably would have pulled this even if he hadn't mentioned what had upset his stomach.

And the growing clarity in his head from releasing the medicine made it worth it. Rin didn’t regret it… even if he was not doing as Yukio, the doctor said. Whatever. If that stuff was really good for him, then it wouldn't make him feel so crappy, would it?

And it wasn’t even really a lie! The medicine  _ did  _ make him feel sick!

“Okay,” he mumbled, seeing as Yukio was looking for a response, “what was it you said about movies again?” he grinned.

  
  


They ended up pulling a couch and TV into Rin’s room. The TV was  _ huge,  _ even bigger than the on Shima had! The door desk barely had the room to fit it, but at least the couch was a nice addition to the somewhat empty room. Rin snuggled upon it, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a warm bowl of chicken soup on a tray in his lap. Yukio eyed it, almost (definitely) suspicious of Rin spilling it. 

Whatever. He had tons of experience eating on the couch! Even… if he was;t allowed to… hehe, Rin was a troublemaker to his bones! Who could expect him to act otherwise?

“Here's the choices,” Yukio murmured, pulling up a few… old films. Like, all of them were from their childhood. Mostly cartoons.

“Is this all we had? I thought you’d have new stuff!”

Yukio pushed up his glasses, looking away, “I like these, he admitted quietly, almost embarrassed.

Yet, there was this weird look to his eyes. Rin squinted- knowing his brother wasn't being quite truthfully… maybe he was just not admitting how  _ much  _ he liked them? The baby.

“Okay, whatever. Put in your favourite.”

Yukio picked a certain animated tale of a poor boy and a blue genuine. Rin sat back, grinning a bit. Even he couldn’t completely hate movies like this, they were staples from his and Yukio’s childhood, and he appreciated the little callback. And, he thought, Yukio appreciated it too.

They ended up spending a rather comfortable day together, and Rin found himself slowly drifting off, his memories snatched completely away sometime through the third movie…

But despite it- he still felt some clinging  _ wrongness  _ course through his blood. Even as he slipped away.

* * *

_ His head was butted against the war of the couch- and he groaned softly. The soup had long since been taken out of his hands, finished, and Yukio had looked so proud when he stared at the bottom of the bowl, “good boy,” he had said to him, a light, genuine smile on his face as he began carding his fingers through Rin’s hair. _

_ Rin purred- his isosceles kicking up and forcing him to enjoy the warm, familiar touch. It had happened so many times before, must the memories of it were just foggy enough for Rin to not care. His body though: His body remembered. It shivered in activation- his brother coming closer and hugging his warmly as Rin laid on his back on the couch. Yukio’s weight pushed down, suffocating… but it wasn’t bad. _

_ Yukio sat up, hips straddling Man's groin and grinding down slightly, a soft smile still on his lips. He continued petting him affectionately, and Rin couldn’t hold back the little moan at the sensations bubbling around him. _

_Sensations…?_ _  
__“Yukio- this is wrong…” he sputtered out._

_ “Oh,” his brother smile dropped, “I see…” _

_ “Yeah?” Rin whispered, voice faint. His throat felt warm, his mouth full of cotton. His head spinning. But still, Yukio was here- Yukio always helped him. He would make things better. He would… _

_ He pushed up his glasses, “I see I didn't give you a high enough dose. My apologies, Nii-san. I never thought to make you uncomfortable with this.” _

_ “It’s okay…” Rin slurred a bit, eyes fluttering, “wait- dosage?” _

_ “Of course,” Yukio sent him another polite smile, ever leaving his hips as he shifted his weight (right on top of his-) to reach over the side of the couch and slip his hand into the bag of snacks he had brought… _

_ Only to bring out a syringe. _

_ “If I knew the drug would leave you conscious enough to object, then I would have increased the dosage. I know you aren't a fan of needles much, Nii-san,” at the mention, Rin began struggling. In vain, of course- his limbs felt like lead, “so sorry. Just give me a moment…” _

_ Yukio gently grabbed Rin’s head, tilting back his chin. Rin squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears well up as the sharp tip punctured his skin, the needle sliding in further as Yukio… deposited the drug… _

_ “There you go.” _

_ His head immediately felt lighter. Yukio shushed him as he whimpered, his hands still ever so gently running through hair. _

_ “I know you hate them, but I think you’ll feel better soon. Just leave it up to me, Nii-san.” _

_ The needle was pulled out- and Yukio’s free hand gently grabbed the edges of his shirt- _

_ Rin's world fell into a kaleidoscope of colours and emotions and feelings. But through it all, he still knew that this was  _ **_wrong._ **

  
  


* * *

The next morning he was certain of it.

He awoke to the flashes of a dream; Shiemi’s blood on his hands. The screeching of a demon-bird… and he faintly remembers- ah, Phoenix. There was a cat sidhe- not Kuro, Kuro was missing (since when?), and Izumo’s blood… dragging them away… Shima showing up…

It was the faintest stretch of a memory, but… Rin's brow furrowed, still half-laying half-sitting on the couch, he rolled around a bit, onto his side to stare dejectedly at the back screen of the TV. Yukio was gone, which was good since Rin didn't think he could stomach his face right now.

What the hell is happening with his memories?

These weren't his, they couldn't be. Rin never remembered facing off against a Phoenix (but he did, at the same time), he didn't remember Shiemi looking so old, so worn. He never remembers Izumo having such a serious injury…

Or  _ any  _ of it.

He rolled around, graning, trying to tuck into more of these false-maybe-not memories that disturbed him greatly. There were faint, trickling. Like they were tucked away in a cage in the back corner of his mind… but, somehow, the bars were growing wider, and Rin could just slide his hands through them-

A new memory came into his head, the thoughts and emotions and images slowly filling the reservoir of his consciousness as if there were a leaky pipe in his mind. Drip, drip, the water slowly started to fill.

They were in a car- they, as in he and Yukio. He thought he knew what memory this was, just a few days ago, when they had gone out for a ride, ate in the car, listened to music, talked, Rin looked out the windows…

But, the window of that memory was different from the one he had just found- that time, the sky was cloudy, yet light. The snow was fluffy, slow in its descent, like a comforting blanket on the ground- open fields, with mountains and trees guarding the horizon.

This memory, though… he wasn't looking out a side window, from the front one. It was dark out- darker than it had ever gotten on that day and the snow and hail tinkers against the roof of the beat-up old thing that definitely didn't belong to the Illuminati. His hands had been stinging from the cold, despite the whirring of the heater- and Yukio… Yukio was to his right, not left. Yukio was in the passenger seat.

_ Rin had been driving. _

Rin chewed on his lip thoughtfully, because he had to be remembering that wrong. He didn't know how to drive! There had never been much of a need! And he… he never had the money for a car! Or so he thought- but the car wasn’t ant he saw in the Illuminati’s garage. And he definitely didn't remember Yukio behind the wheel that night, in the storm.

So this was a different memory; Rin wanted to contest it. Wanted to deny it. There was no way it was real… yet, there was such a surreal, eye-opening feeling  of remembering it… like his mind had been missing an extremely important part of itself ever since he had shown up here. And now? It felt like he was finally reclaiming it.

He sat up from the couch, holding his head in his hands for a few moments. His headache- like a truck had run over him. Maybe it was all the remembering? Or- staying up late? Every time he moved, the feeling grew worse. His neck was also sore- just at the side, in one spot… ah, maybe a bug bit him? He scratched at it, feeling a small twinge of pain. Then again, he did wake up in an awkward position… probably just craned his neck too much in sleep.

On the newly brought in coffee table, there was a little bottle of aspirin and a note from Yukio-  _ thought you might need this after staying up all night staring at screens. _

Rin grinned, grabbing the bottle and swallowing four pills- what, he was a demon! He could take a few more than the average human- he had to, or else they'd do absolutely nothing. Anyways, Rin felt his chest warm at how thoughtful his twin was. 

Rin stood up with a stretch, his lower back aching suddenly from the moment He hissed, rubbing it. How weirdly did he sleep last night? Ah, whatever. Tye pills were already setting in, winding down his muscles and dabbing away at his pain…

Heh. Rin tilted the bottle, inspecting it. With his demonic liver… aspirin shouldn't have taken effect so fast. He unscrewed the lip and sniff- smells weird. Not like his usual medicine… and the relief from his sore joints was enough for Rin to not care enough to throw them up.

He yawned, getting changed into some sweats and a hoodie as he slipped on some slides and went to open the door- only to blink, Shima’s fist nearly rapping on his nose where he went to knock on the door.

“Oh, Okumura! You’re awake!” he greeted with a smile and wave, “Okumura-sensei said you might be sleeping for a while! Late night, or what?” Shima winked, though… there was a bit of award look in the eye.

“Uh, yeah. We just watched movies, I guess. I was kinda feeling again sick… so…” Rin rubbed his neck- right in the same spot with the little ache.

“That’ll do it,” Shima chuckled, but there seemed to be a nervous energy about him, “wanna catch some breakfast?”

Rin’s stomach grumbled, “yeah,” he murmured, walking after Shima- though, while the pills took the edge off of the pain, it didn’t actually help heal him. He limped a bit- and he hissed at Shima’s raised an eyebrow as he watched.

“Shut it,” Rin grumbled, “training took it out of me yesterday.”

“I can see that,” Shima laughed… but something about it threw Rin off. He squinted at his old friend, before shrugging.

To breakfast it was.

His spoon clattered at the bottom of his bowl, Rin rubbing his belly in satisfaction.

“Wheres Yukio, anyways?” his twin had taken up eating all their meals together, so it was a surprise to see him gone.

“Oh, he…” Shima lowered his toast from his mouth and cleared his throat, “some business came up.” 

He had been awkward the whole meal- subtly playing on his phone the whole time and ignoring Rin. Which well… Rin knew his friend was more than just his playmate, and he wasn't complaining or something… but, like, it seemed strange.

“Oh?” Rin leaned back, mildly surprised; but, perhaps he should;t have been, “oh, yeah. I mean, you Illuminati guys seem constantly busy with work considering how few people are here… I guess it was just a matter of time, huh?” he chuckled lightly, “Yukio can't spend forever ignoring his job to hang out with me.”

“Yeah, he's a busy guy,” Shima lightly said back, crunching on his toast as his phone buzzed. He took it out, his eyebrows raising as he read whatever it said, “sorry, Rin. I also need to go. Are you okay to hang out by yourself? There are still some movies in your room, and whatever study shit Okumura-sensei put in the library for you…”  
“Yeah, I’ll find something,” Rin nodded- not at all promising to look at the study materials… because since when did Okumura Rin study without a gun to the head?

Besides, his memories were acting up… and Rin just had a sudden feeling of  **_wrongness_ ** about the place. Especially after waking up this morning- he couldn't shake it off. The memories that he didn’t remember… the feeling aching in his chest and, strangely, lower back, all morning. The chip in the shower. The way Yukio was acting.

The fact that  _ nobody was ever here. _

Something was seriously wrong here, and Rin knew he couldn’t just keep ignoring it.

So when Shima’s chair squeaks as the man stood to leave, Rin couldn’t be anything but glad. It was one of the few times he was truly alone here in the whole time since his capture- wait,  _ capture _ ? Where had that thought come from?

Since his  **_arrival_ ** .

And Rin knew immediately where he was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when I was drunk
> 
> I know there's a really big community of people that very genuinely ship Yukio x Rin but I think I need to remind you guys that the ship is a *bad thing* in this fic.  
> Uh  
> So here's that reminder ^^


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new fighter approaches!!!
> 
> (Kudos to the person who asked if Shima would turn on Yukio :))

Shima closed the door to his room- doing absolutely nothing and going absolutely nowhere. In fact, he was rather content to stay here all day with his headphones on acting like nothing is happening and nothing would happen. What he didn't hear, he couldn't act on, right?

A classic case of neglect, really, but Shima thought Rin could use a little independence.

After all… Shima cringed, his hand slamming on the door behind him as he hissed at the throbbing pain the action brought. Why was he doing this? All of this?

Why was he standing here in his room, blatantly ignoring his duties to supervise Rin?

But, at the same time- why was he here in this castle? Keeping Rin here against his will, helping Yukio drug him and mindfuck him and  _ actually **fuck** him. _

Shima wasn't an idiot. He was a lazy, kinda pervy guy, sure- but he wasn’t an idiot. And no matter how pervy he was… Shima wasted to throw up at the sound he heard last night. Okumura Yukio, that absolute  _ bastard  _ actually had the gall to force Shima to stand guard outside the door while he  _ drugged and raped his brother.  _

He shivered as the memory of Rin’s moaning floating back into his mind, his hand once more slamming on the door. Any more of this, and his fist would slam against his own head.

He  _ wasn't supposed to have a part in all of this.  _ He was just supposed to be a spy- working both sides and not really helping either., He was just supposed to stand on the sidelines and watch it all go down. Then he brought Yukio in, or rather, Yukio brought himself in… subjugated Lucifer- fucking  _ killed  _ **_Satan,_ ** and destroyed the world.

But he still wasn't satisfied. Now, he had to destroy Rin. Who was actually a rather good guy.

And what about Shima? Was  _ he  _ satisfied? Had he not fucked up his life enough? Had he not made enough of his friends hate him? Did he not inadvertently cause the death of his family? Well, shit.

Shima thought, maybe, he wasn’t satisfied.

Which was why he made a reminder of his phone to ding, to drag him away from Rin and allow the nosy Okumura brother to do what he did best- find trouble.

Because Shima knew Rin had been poking around the stairs to the basement before… and Shima also knew just what exactly they had locked up down there.

Secrets.

He would turn a blind eye. Maybe he wouldn’t help Rin, maybe he wouldn't hurt Yukio at the risk to himself or actually save Rin from this horrible mess that he had gotten himself into… but, he wouldn't hurt him, either. He would be what he was supposed to be: a neutral party.

Whatever happened would happen- and Shima Renzo would have no part in it.

(Shima already knew that was a lie. After all- he had made a stop on his way to his room. At least he knew poor Rin wouldn't get caught… since something was up with Homare not responding to their communication, and so Yukio had left to investigate it. He would be gone for at least a day, but hopefully longer.)

  
  


* * *

  
  


Rin knew this wasn't going to work. Despite all of that, he still reached out to grab the handle, turn it… and fully expect it-

To turn?

Rin blinked, pushing the room opened slightly and standing at the top of the grimy, narrow, and pitch-black stairwell before him as the door squeaked open.

“Huh,” he murmured out loud, “maybe someone forgot to lock it?”

He anxiously looked around, before remembering… that literally nobody seemed to live here. He guessed it made enough sense; the Illuminati was an extremely busy organization, and it’s members didn’t have much time for lazing around like Rin did. But it didn't make sense that he basically saw  _ no one,  _ aside from Yukio, Shima, and a handful of servants whose faces he only vaguely remembered and voices he had never heard.

It seemed strange, definitely. Like- he imagined that there would at least be members walking about, getting to and from their rooms. There would be more in the cafeteria- where he had only seen a whole three people at one time, all servants.

Strange…

Shrugging, he decided that the fewer people there were, the fewer witnesses there would be to him blatantly breaking the rules by going down the seemingly haunted stairway. He swallowed thickly and started going down. Rights when he started, he found a lightswitch- which amazingly did little, as most of the lights seemed… atmospherically in need of a bulb change. It didn't dampen the mood, at least, what with barely being able to see as he descended the sinfully long stair set.

Finally, hot feet hit the bottom. He stumbled a bit in surprise and gained his bearing by leaning against the wall. He squinted, feeling around for another light switch.

“Ew,” Rin muttered when his hand ran across something wet… cold, slimy. That better… actually, Rin didn’t know what he would prefer it to be. Blood? Snot? And those were his two least disgusting ideas. Finally, though, after wiping his hand on his pants several times- he found the switch. The lights down her were, too, in need of change… but he could see better now that his eyes had adjusted to the dark.

…

Cells.

There were fucking jail cells down here. 

Maybe Rin shouldn’t have been so surprised- this  _ was  _ a medieval castle, after all, and they tended to have cells. But… he squinted at the first cage to his right, seeing the half-full doggy food bowl, the messy bed. 

“... It doesn’t look like these were abandoned,” Rin said to himself, approaching and touching the bars They were cold. And coated with a fine layer of dried blood. He looked down at his hands and saw that his left one was coated in a thick layer of red, partially smudged by his hand.

“Ew! gross!” he squeaked, rubbing it even harder on his pants… staining the grey sweats with irony tang. Great. How was he supposed to hide that from Yukio? Say he got his period? He’d have to sneak the pants into the wash… or trash em. Yukio wouldn't notice one missing pair of sweats, would he?

Rin just hissed, moving further into the room. Right now, he was in a long, cylindrical room which was mostly comprised of cells on both the Eastern and Western walls. There were old-looking wooden tables and benches in the center, most likely for guards or letting prisoners out? Rin honestly had no clue.

He continued all the way through it, since it didn't seem like there was much here other than  _ traces  _ of prisoners. 

Rin hoped… that these traces were from  _ before  _ the Illuminati came to live here… or at least from before  _ he  _ came to live here. And that Yukio had no clue. But- well, the cold-but-wet blood on his pants and hands begged to differ. If anything, the blood could only have been here for a day, at most, before it would have been too dry for him to pick up like that.

He swallowed thickly. The only people he saw in the headquarters today were Yukio And Shima- even then, he didn't even  _ see  _ Yukio, he just knew that he left sometime this morning.

Then again, that gave him an alibi, didn't it? If Yukio had been out since this morning, then did that leave enough time for him to do whatever freaky shit down here? Of course not! And Rin had just seen Shima, fine and dandy… so… there was probably someone else here- an Illuminati member that mostly stayed downstairs! 

Yeah! That had to be it!

…

It took Rin a second to realize that someone being down here was  _ bad-  _ since rin was most certainly  _ not supposed to be down here. _

Well, shit. His hand was already wrapped around the metal door’s handle at the end of the room. Funny, the back of his mind stuttered at the idea. Since, well, almost everything down here was wooden, obviously sagging a bit with age. Termites had eaten through some things. But the bars and the doors… were all metals, and looked new. They were dirty, yes, but  _ new. _

Well, shit. That answered his earlier question; the Illuminati were definitely using these cells.

Rin, being the nosy idiot that he was… had to find out more.

The door creaked open, and Rin hesitantly poked her head out into the next room… and changed. As he suspected- there were more cells. Really, the room was practically identical to the one before it; dark, damp, with only a few lights, tables, and tons of cells.

Only this time, he could hear something shift in the near darkness.

“Yer finally coming back to kill me? About time,” a voice spat, “don’t ya know it’s impolite to keep a lady waiting?”

A…

A  _ familiar voice. _

All the air left Rin’s lungs, and the back of his throat wet painfully dry. The door slammed heavily behind him when Rin skittered forward, stumbling on a wooden stool and falling on his face right before the very cell he was trying to reach.

“Heh, what kinda newby did they send? If yer gonna kill me, I’d prefer the spotty four-eyes and not some nameless grunt.”

Spotty-four-eyes? Rin only knew one person who had that nickname… and one person who called him that.

“...  _ Yukio _ ?” Rin’s voice croaked, surprised, hurt, tears welling up in his eyes from more than just the dust that blasted in his face at the fall, “Why… why would Yukio  _ kill  _ you?”

The woman went silent. Then, she breathed, “oh my god…” and the stillness that fell in the room was pregnant but tense- and Rin shuddered at the sudden coolness to the air. 

“Rin!” suddenly, the woman shifted forward, the sound of her legs brushing heavily against the grimy ground nearly drowned out by the clanking of chains. Hands reached through the darkness- one heavily gripping the bars and another desperately reaching out for him.

“Shura?” Rin’s voice croaked back, his hand waving through the darkness to grab her own because he hadn’t truly wanted to believe that this person was her. She held him tightly- so tightly that he almost thought his hand would break. But he didn't care. This- this was Shura!

She had been missing for so long… Rin had last seen her with Yukio, heard the gunshot… Bon had dragged him away when he almost went berserk. Then, when she didn't return to camp… all they could assume was-

No. That couldn't be right. Rin’s brows furrowed, and he leaned forward to try and get a better look at the woman. Her cell was nearly pitch-black, only barley illuminated by the single functioning light at the end of the corridor… but with his demonic eyes, Rin could see her well enough.

It wasn't the woman he remembered. In the last of his memories of her… she had been training them, their teacher at True Cross after Yukio was gone. Her hair was short. From the fight with that snake demon. She had been mourning Yukio’s absence- but knew it was safer for him whenever he was then at True Cross. Not that Rin could remember  _ why _ , but he could remember agreeing.

Yukio and Shura… Rin bit his lip. They were so- so  _ close.  _ How could she ever even  _ insinuate  _ that Yukio would kill her?!

Then again… his last memories didn’t align with  _ this person _ at all. She was all skin and bones- her cheeks hollowed out, her eyes sinking into her skull. Rin could feel every single bone in her hand through her paper-like skin. She had to be starving. But- how long did it take someone to get like this? This bad?

Her hair was long and ratty, so unlike the short boy-style, she had in his last memories of her. How long must have passed, for it to grow out this long?  _ Years?  _ Rin didn't know much about the girl’s hair, but his own had never grown long like that in any short amount of time.

She wasn't wearing any clothes. Now, Rin was used to seeing much of Shura’s body… but this was… he cringed. This wasn’t- he had a feeling this was more than Shura’s outgoing personality and flamboyant style. She had been hugging herself when he entered, trying to cover up.

Now her hands were too occupied with grabbing him to hide her chest.

There was a bullet wound. Probably just barely missing her heart- but instead puncturing her lungs. Hell, her breathing was shaky and squeaky enough for him to believe she was shot there. It didn’t look like it ever properly healed- fuck, Rin could bet that the bullet was still in her.

She looked like she would die at any second. Yet, like the Shura he did remember, she was refusing to give up on life.

“What the hell is going on?” Rin demanded, voice thin and broken like an autumn leaf, “Why are you here? Why are you so…”

“I'm disgusting,” Shura snarked- and as much as it seemed true in her mind, there was also that sarcastic edge that she was so well known for, “And you?  _ Look  _ at ya!”

There was an actual smile on her face as she shifted, hands moved upwards to grip his face… and Rin couldn't even bring himself to care about the grime that smudged on his cheeks. This… this was  _ Shura _ , for crying out loud! One of his most precious people in the world!

“… Rin! You look so  _ healthy _ ! The last I saw ya… ya had started skimping on your meals so everyone else could eat. What happened? Did you find another base? More supplies? Survivors? Why did ya come here?”

That made her pause, and her eyes went wide.

Rin didn't even say anything. 

“Did ya… did ya come here to- to  _ rescue  _ me?” She barked out a cold, bitter laugh, “How stupid! If Yukio finds ya…”

She was scolding him, but it didn't seem like Shura had the will to actually dreg up any ill-content in her voice. If anything, she sounded so… so  _ happy _ .

But Rin was only confused.

“What do you mean if  _ Yukio finds me _ ?” He shifted, even as Shura’s hands dropped, and her body went deathly still, “And what did you mean by wanting him to  _ kill you _ ? Shura, what happened to you?” he couldn't keep the accusation out of his voice- and Shura Only want more still at that. “Yukio’s been nothing but accommodating! If he knew you were down here, like this- he’d be outraged!”

A pregnant pause echoed across the old brick walls of the prison. Shura stared at him like he had grown two heads, squinted and shifting as her hands feel away, almost as if he had burned her.

“... the fuck are you talkin about, Rin?” her voice was brisk, harsh,  _ hurt,  _ “like- just… what the  **_fuck_ ** are ya talking about?”

“What are  _ you  _ talking about? Why are you here?! Who shot you?! Does Yukio really not know about this? Because he-”

“Rin!”

Shura’s hands harshly grabbed his face again, stealing his head and forcing him to look at her eyes. The single bulb flickered into echoing darkness, somehow managing for just that split second, to completely wash Shura away. When she came back to him, her face was stern, eyes practically glowing.

“Yukio was the one who shot me.”

Rin’s head imploded.

His breaths came in sharp, short gasps- and immediately, he flung himself out of her grip, staring at her in an accusing manner. In his chest, red hot betrayal lanced through him… yet a cold sweat on the back of his neck formed, and the back of his mind couldn't help but scream  _ I knew it! _

“... what do you mean? Yukio would never shoot you!”

His breaths were ragged, quick- and even though he was breathing so much… his rain short-circuited like he wasn't getting in any oxygen at all.

“Yukio would  _ never-  _ he… you’re, like, one of his closest friends! And he… he would never!” A strange, quiet rage began boiling in him, for whatever reason. The back of his neck was cold and sweaty, but his face was hot and his heart burned at the insult to his twin’s honour, “Shura- Shura he would  **never** ! I know he has some problems- but you have to  _ believe me _ -”

A sharp pain laced across his cheek- and the funny thing was, Rin didn't even hear the sound of the slap over his own thundering heartbeat.

“Rin! Ya have to  _ calm down _ !” Shura barked, her voice low, “ya have to calm down, and ya have to be quiet. If  _ they  _ find ya here…” she then stilled, like something had just dawned on her, “Rin, why are ya here? I mean-  _ how  _ are ya here? Yukio’s castle is so well guarded… and with the supplies, I last remembered…”

She shook her head, cursing, “I’m sorry, but I can't imagine ya and the other exorcists ever managed to get in here. Not without the whole castle blown up, at least- but that would only be if Mephisto finally got his fucking head out of his ass…”

Rin blinked, “blow up…? What do you mean? Yukio brought me here… he said the Illuminati was willing to shelter me while I healed.”

“Rin…” her eyes narrowed, “what have they done to ya?”

“They…  _ they  _ haven’t done anything to me?”

He knew that was a lie. And he knew exactly what Shura was referring to… but- he… he just couldn't admit it.

That something was seriously wrong here. Yukio shot Shura? How could he believe that he shot her, dragged her here… was keeping her prisoner… not feeding her? Not clothing her?

And him? What about him?

Why did Shura look so… afraid? For him? Of him?

She paused, again, as if testing the words before she even said them.

“Rin… the Illuminati has been disbanded for years.”

He choked on his own spit, despite how dry his throat was.

“That's… that's not true! The Illuminati… Yukio is working for them! Lucifer told Yukio I could stay here because I’m, like, Satan’s son and stuff. Not…” he immediately shrunk in on himself, knowing how much the exorcists hated any single mention of who his biological father is (which was why being around Yukio was so refreshing,) “not that I like that… but if it means I can heal and stay with Yukio then it’s okay…”

“Lucifer?” Shura breathed, “last I heard, he was taken away as commander of the Illuminati and made into Yukio’s dog. He hasn’t been in control of anything in years, Rin.”

“That's not-”

“It’s true,” she said, voice harsh, “just what did they do to ya, Rin? How do ya not  _ know  _ this?! I know- I know that ya know this! We went through the end of the world together. Shit, Rin!”

His mind blanked out. He didn't know how much time passed- all he knew was that the next he was aware, Shura was frantically shaking him. Worry lit in her eyes- but then, for a split second, it wavered.

“Can ya use yer flames?”

She was posing it as a question, as a worry.

Somehow, despite all his usual idiocy, Rin was able to see right through it.  _ Use your flames,  _ she was demanding,  _ prove that you’re Rin. _

“I…” she paused for a second, hands fisting into his shirt as she slumped as much as her stance could allow, “I just wanna know. That they didn’t seal yer flames. Okay? But- uh, keep it small. So… just, keep it small, okay? Just a hand.”

“Yeah,” he replied, even though he knew she was lying through her teeth.

He paused for a minute, drawing up his power and just telling the faintest trickle of flame dance upon his palm, His control was far better than he remembered, and growing with each and every training session he had with Yukio - until his brother decided that, after Rin’s little puking incident, they would stop them altogether until he was deemed fully healed.

“Okay- okay-” she breathed slowly, and he could hear the faintest trickle of relief in her voice that she couldn’t fully hide. He felt a bit bitter, betrayed, but… well-

The flame illuminated the chamber. Illuminated Shura.

She was in a grimy cell- and Rinw and;t sure how the smell hadn't hit him yet, but clearly they never gave her a good means as to where to go to the bathroom. Not only that, but the walls and floor were painted with blood, with only the raving scratches of a desperate woman chipping the red away.

Shura looked even worse than he had thought- her skin was pale, paper-thin, which didn't do any favours to the harsh way her ribs jutted out of her skin. Her hair, while long, was an ugly mottled shade, overgrown and trailed with grime and dirt.

While she was naked (and probably freezing, with the way her body desperately inched closer to his flames) the majority of her body was covered in dirt and blood and… other things. So Rin couldn't even see the full extent of her injuries and scars- thought what skin he could see… well, it was pale and thin and scarred. 

Manacles hung from her wrists, neck, and ankles, rusted and heavy. She sagged down to their will, being over to try and accommodate their weight.

“Okay, you can't stop now. We don’t want Yukio sensing you using your powers and trying to find you.”

Rin sighed briskly, putting out the flame- even as he could feel the cold air of the room shift back again, probably freezing his old mentor in her current state. He blinked- quickly slipping off his sweatshirt as the idea dawned on him, and shoving it through the bars.

“You need this more than I do,” he insisted as she paused, as if unwilling to take it.

“Rin- no, I can't. If someone sees it… they’ll  _ know  _ you were down here! Yukio-”

“There it is again! You acting like… like Yukio is a  _ threat!” _

Shura slapped him again, the sweatshirt flinging to the side and neither of them bothered to pick it up. Shura’s breathing was ragged and angry as her eye flickered heatedly in the dark, “Because he  _ is,  _ Rin. Just- just what the hell did they  _ do to you _ ?!”

“Nothing!”

“They had to do something! Because the Rin I know wouldn't still be standing here talking to me- not  _ helping  _ me,” she hissed, “The Rin I know wouldn't be in this castle  _ at all _ ! Or, well, he would. He would try to save me. And he would  _ die  _ in the process. He would go down fighting. He would go down fighting the brother he failed to save.”

“But I  _ did  _ save Yukio.”

Or did he?

Rin’s memory was fuzzy. What happened to Yukio, again? He felt like he knew…

The memory of the snowy road in the crappy car came back to his mind. Yukio, anxious, in the passenger seat. Rin- holding out keys. Hugging him. It was so warm. Then so cold, as he walked away.

Did he… really save him that day?

(He never knew what happened to Yukio after that. All he could do was hope that his brother found somewhere safe, somewhere he could be happy. Because they both knew he wasn’t happy at True Cross, as Exorcist. Where the whole world scorned the power he had no choice but to carry. Rin understood. He was the only one who understood.)

(But that thought was gone as quickly as it came.)

“Why Are you so oblivious?” she cursed, gripping the bars again, “Did yer hit yer head, or what?!”

“I…” Rin squeezed his eyes shut.

“Or- okay, yer lookin stressed. Let's change the angel, huh?”

Rin nodded, feeling sweat run down his neck.

Shura shifted, hands gentle as they held his arm, “Just… what happened, Rin? Tell me. Anything you can say will be helpful.”

“I dunno. There was- there was this hoard attack on True Cross. I was hurt. Then Yukio saved me, took me back here… and I've been living here since. Cause I was sick.”

“The hoard…” Shura breathed, the disbelief in her voice, “Rin… that happened  _ years  _ ago.”

So did apparently everything else. It felt like Rin had just… gone to sleep for years and years. And suddenly everything was so different, and he didn't understand why.

“No- it…”

“How long have ya been here? Because- I know for a fact that you were with me several months after the fall of True Cross. Ya were with me before I was captured and that-” she breathed, “I think that happened last year. Maybe even longer.”

His brows furrowed, “That- that can't be! I’ve been here… a few weeks! At most!” His mind blanked, trying to remember the exact date…

A memory flashed in the back of his mind- just barely clear enough for him to grasp.

_ Autumn leaves. Raining. His boots squishing into the ground. Worrying about the oncoming winter- because they were living in abandoned buildings and never had any heating, not since all the electrical lines outside of Yukio’s territory were shut down. No electricity. They couldn't make a fire without the smoke being seen. Couldn't use Rin's fire without Yukio sensing it. _

_ The fall was already deadly cold. What would the oncoming winter bring? _

But- oncoming winter?

It was winter  _ now.  _ It was the middle of winter… not… not Autumn! And- during the hoard… why did his mind want to say that it happened in the summer?

He was hit with the numbing realization that he didn’t actually  _ know  _ how long he had been here. It all just… blended together. How many training sessions did they have? Dozens; but who was to say they happened consecutively? If it was once a week- or any later? How could he know?

His voice croaked, “maybe? Or, maybe a few months? I don’t… I don't know…” he trailed off, voice turning to but a whisper.

“You don’t know? Rin- come closer…”

Rin shuffled over, and Shura grabbed his face, inspecting it, “Ya said you were sick, right? Has Yukio been giving you any… medicine?”

“Of course, he's a doctor!” 

Why was it so weird for Yukio to give him medicine when he's sick?

“Rin-” Shura coughed as if his words were unbelievable, “Did ya forget? Yer a  **demon** _ ,  _ Rin, ya don't  _ get  _ sick.”

He slapped her hands away as if she had burned him- he grit his teeth, feeling offended… denial… yet, he  _ knew  _ it was true. Instinctually, despite how much he didn't want to- but he knew, once upon a time… he thought… that exact same thing.

_ How could he have a cold if he was a demon? _

Yet, he kept taking the medicine.

Shura’s wide, gouged eyes stared at him, floating around in his vision like some kind of hallucination- and she gently slapped him for the third time that day, “Rin, ya need to promise me that you’re going to stay calm, okay? Nothings gonna get done if yer freaking out, okay?”

He was jittery, trembling, nervous, and felt like he was going to throw up. His flames sparked weakly- and Rin had to pull at his memories to try and find the last time he properly uses them. Usually… they felt so bundled up, wanting to escape when he hadn’t used them in a long time. Now? They felt weak. Tight. Sparse. Like that time he had a seal on him…

Seal? No way. Yukio would never-

“I am calm,” he lied.

“Okay,” Shura breathed, grabbing his hands and rubbing them gently, trying to reassure him, “Then… I think that there's a significant chance- that… that Yukio has been drugging you. To make you lose your memories.”

The door slammed shut behind him as Rin clattered from the room.

And the next thing he knew, Shima was by his side in the foyer, asking him if all the blood on his hands and pants belonged to him. Rin said he had cut himself on one of the decorative swords, and that the wound had healed already.

  
  


Now, he was beginning to understand why he was remembering strange things… after he had stopped taking the medication.

* * *

Shiemi’s fingers were bleeding- that didn't stop her from winding them right into the sleeves of her kimono. If anything, it helped to clot the blood. She cringed, wiping sweat from her forehead on her already ragged and destroyed sleeves- mom and Grandma would have been displeased with her if they saw the state of her wardrobe… but, well, they were dead. And the dead had no place to interfere with the world of the living.

Not that she’d let anyone else die. Not so long as she still breathed.

Shiemi leaned back, “he's going to be okay,” she said, a rush of adrenaline filling ehr at the helpful words. Even she couldn’t be fully sure- but Koneko’s bleeding had stopped, the wound far less serious than they had originally thought, once she had cleared away all the bloody and torn clothes.

“Really?” Bon asked, his voice but a whisper as he clung to his best friend’s- nay, his  _ brother’s  _ hand, “He's really going to pull through?”

“Of course,” she nodded, “Would I ever lie?”

The pang of regret hit her fast too fast.

“Of course not,” Bon smiled- so blindly trusting number words, in the truth she didn’t have the right to claim.

The regret stung, hurt. So much more than just seconds ago.

Shiemi bit her lip, trailing behind Bon as they left the cleanest room in the apartment building, where the injured were kept. Really, it was just Koneko now… after the house, he had been searching crumbled when he placed his hand against a less-than sturdy wall. Thankfully Bon’s concussion had faded and Izumo was just as fast as she had been with two real legs. And, even more thankfully, there were no other battles since…

_ Since Rin left.  _

It was a tense period of hope; everyone was worried about the false sense of security, worried about the impending storm that was no doubt coming their way… and as much as Shiemi wanted to tell them the truth…

They were in the middle of winter. There was no heating. No fires, not with the risk of the smoke being seen. No electronics. Just the insulation of half-broken houses and mouth-balled blankets to keep them warm.

Not to mention the scarcity of food. Once upon a time at the hospital, Shiemi had started growing a garden. It wasn't much, but the little herbs and edible weeds that grow like wildfire had at least given them  _ some  _ nutrients… now they were all surviving off of whatever processed junk isn't expired and multivitamins that they scored from a local drugstore.

It wasn't much… but it would keep them alive. Not healthy, but alive. And as the doctor in charge of keeping people well- Shiemi could barely give herself a passing grade.

At least nobody had died, yet.

Her heart panged. She moved into the common room, where everyone was all bunched together. They were dirty and smelly but shivering and long since comfort-zones. Even Izumo (snuggling with a half-delirious, flu-ridden Paku, who really should be in the medical ward but refused to stay any longer-) was huddled under a blanket next to Angel, who had Lightning tucked away and sleeping on his other side. Shiemi bundled up with Bon. Homare was by herself. Shiemi saw the wilted look of defeat in her eyes. In everyone's eyes. Snow platters heavily against the windows. Just as isolating as it was cold.

In all the world… it was too depressing a thought to think that this was it. This was the final remnants of True Cross. Of… potentially all resistance. 

_ Was this truly all that was left of the free world? One measly room of teenagers? _

There were others. Even at the hospital, there were others.

They had parted ways with Rin. The rest of the group aside from their tight-knit battalion of children, and the three adults that followed them, had hampered off with their tails between their legs. Without their fearless leader, the Son of Satan, brother of Yukio, the one true chance they had of  _ ever  _ defeating the Illuminati… they simply lost hope.

Shiemi could either guess that they were dead, or surrendered themselves to Illuminati. Which, of course, could only lead to death. All those who didn't obey were killed- and that was the new world order.

Besides, she had heard the news that Yuki liked putting on public execution as a way of mass terror- she remembered, faintly, from back at school, that Yukio had been interested in the French Revolution.

But where did that put Rin?

So long as there was a fire in her heart… she wanted to believe that he was alive. And he was. He  _ had  _ to be. She didn't know why… but she could just feel it.

Like there was a little, tinkering blue flame… hidden out there in the snowstorm- but somehow still blazing. Maybe it was small. Maybe it was cold. But it was  _ there. _

And she? What was she doing? She was but a wilted flower- unable to brace the cold.

What would Rin say?

Sheiemi smiled to herself, tucking into Bon a little bit further, enjoying the warmth, the company, the way he slid his arm around her in a gentle show of friendship, trust. 

Rin would say she was a Calendula. A flower that could survive the winter.

And would he be right?

…

She didn't know.

Shiemi worried her lip, removing herself from Bon and standing- the whole group looked at her, the first to move in so long. She cleared her throat and stilled.

“Everyone, I have something to say.”

“If it’s another pep talk… then you can save it,” Izumo scoffed, holding Paku protectively. The girl was barely even conscious. Shiemi had secluded her for a  _ reason. _

She shook her head gently, “that's not what this is about-” none of it was. This wasn't about them. It was about Rin and the sacrifice he made. And the lie she decided to keep.

“Get on with it,” Lightning was suddenly awake, yawning and scratching at his ratty hair, “I wanna go back to sleep.”

“I'm sorry-” she started.

Only for Bon to cut her off, “You don’t need to apologize to that guy. All he does is sleep, anyways-” he threw a heated glare at his old mentor scoffing.

And Angel glared right back, “May I remind you who-!”

“Enough!”

Everyone froze, turning shocked faces to Shiemi. She shook her head again, “That wasn't what I was apologizing for. I… I haven't been completely honest with everyone, and I think… I think it’s finally time I come clean.”

Izumo rolled her eyes, “what do you have to lie about? What, stole a roll of gauze?”

“I would never,” Shiemi quickly muttered- before rolling her own eyes and stamping her feet somewhat childishly- bit it seemed to get the point across, “This is serious! Please be quiet. You’ll be angry, I know, and…” she poked her finger together, “I can understand if you want me to leave after what I say. But please-  _ wait until I’m finished. _ ”

Nobody said a word. Her heart was thumping loud enough in her ears to substitute them all screaming… and Shiemi had to take a deep breath to settle her nerves. If just a tad.

Bon shifted, looking concerned, “Are you okay?”

“I-  _ Rin _ . I lied about Rin.”

His eyes immediately grew cold. Not necessarily towards her, but… just, in general. Out of everyone here, Rin’s disappearance had hit him the hardest. Well, it hit Shiemi hard, too… but, well, she at least knew the  _ t r u t h. _

Bon didn’t have that.

And he and Rin… they were-

Something akin to bitterness welled up in her heart whenever she thought about the relationship Bon and Rin shared. It wasn’t dating, necessarily, but they all knew the feelings the two of them held for each other- not like friends, nor brothers. Patterns. And that was the best she could say, but…

She wouldn't say she was jealous.

Not after what she had done to him.

“I’m…” she stilled, tucking her hair behind her ear, “only now do I realize that I’ve done you all such… such harm by keeping this to myself. I- I didn’t want to hurt you, by saying the truth. Because I know… I know you would do something stupid if I told you…!”

“Just tell us!” Izumo snapped.

“Rin didn't just  _ disappear _ !”

(She felt Homare shift, like a deadly cobra on its hunches.)

(She ignored it.)

“Shiemi…” Bon breathed- she could hear the way the air slid his singly through the cracks of his teeth, “What are you talking about? Of course he just… don’t you mean- he's not dead?”

Everyone knew it was a significant possibility. But no one wanted to face it. They were all better off thinking Rin was alive, bonding them, then dead in some ditch somewhere.

She shook her head, “I don't know. But… I want to believe he's alive!” she shot her head up to face them all, eyes determined.

“Then what do you mean?” Angel quietly asked, “if he's not dead, and didn't disappear… then what happened to him?”

“We deserve to know,” Paku suddenly added- eyes misty, but for clearing slightly at the topic, “Whatever happened to Okumura-kun, we deserve to know. He was our friend, too.”

And didn’t that sting?

“More than a friend,” Bon said, a budding emotion in our eyes.

“He was out leader,” Kaimi threw in, and it is strange at how quick she accepted it now that he was gone- how she always pretended to fight that fact while he was around. 

But it was a universal thought. As much as Rin had been hated and feared in the beginning, and then just considered an idiot trump card… slowly, he had become the leader of their ragtag group of survivors.

Really, he was the only reason several of them were still alive.

(He was also the reason why this started, having saved Yukio. But Shiemi couldn't blame him for that. The others might- but they wouldn’t understand. They didn't understand Rin and Yukio like Shiemi did.)

“I know,” she said, quite and wistful, “and I’ve wronged you all in hiding this.”  
Everyone went quiet, staring.

“He…” she bit her lip until it bled. Nobody dared to say a word, “He… he did something so good for us- I... how can I say this?”

“Just  _ say  _ it,” Bon barked, demanding and desperate. There was an emotion lingering just outside of his eyes, and even though she couldn't see it… she knew what it was.

Longing. Regret. Confusion. 

Things she understood well. Things she had felt since Yukio’s imprisonment, all that time ago.

“When Shima came... And Izumo was so hurt she can’t remember this, but I  _ do-  _ he said… Yukio knew about the hospital.”

Bon was standing now- panicked for events that already took place. Problems he couldn't solve. It was pretty typical for Bon, the worrywart. Or at least that's what Rin called him.

“He told us there would be an airstrike. That we would all die.”

“You told us this. That's why we left,” Angel quietly said, “what does that to do with Okumura being missing?”

The breath she took hurt.

“What I didn’t tell you… was that Yukio somehow always know where we were. There's- there has to be demons, always watching us. Waiting,” she looked to her feet, ashamed, “they could kill us all at any time. That's what he told us. The airstrike was only an example, only one threat out of the silent hundreds Shiam didn’t say.”

“So? What did this have to do with Rin?”

“We were given a choice; either Rin gave himself up… or we would all die. Shima didn’t make it sound like just a possibility, either, he was certain. He said…” her breath shuddered as Izumo’s eyes widened- she had always been so close to Shima, before the betrayal, “that, as a friend, he suggested we take his deal.”

Bon knocked over a lamp, the bulb shattering across the ground. Nobody moved, nobody said anything. It wasn't like the damn thing was of any use to them, anyways. He grunted, pulling at his hair - “of course! I should’ve known that he would leave doing something so… so  _ idiotic! _ ”

“He  _ saved  _ us!” Shiemi snapped.

Bon whirled on him… and for a second, his eyes looked no different from a demon's, “He ran off to get himself killed! What, are you  _ proud  _ of that?!”

Shiemi stilled, body wracking with pain as her mind flew back to one of the last conversations she had with Rin. Him saving Yukio and dooming them all- and her being  _ proud  _ of it.

(Even now, she couldn't bring herself to resent Rin for his actions. Nor could she bring herself to ever truly hate Yukio. The two of them were just too important to her. Too precious to ever be mad at.)

She understood his pain. Maybe she didn’t feel it, didn't like it- but she understood it.

“No,” she finally said after a tense moment of silence, “But I understand why he did it.”

“And now? He went to Yukio, didn't he? Walked right up to the bastard and-” Bon cut himself off, throwing an arm to his eyes. Probably to hide his tears, not that anyone here would judge him.

“He's dead. He has to be,” Izumo said quietly, “Who knows what that sick fuck did to him? Probably tortured him or publicly executed him. Declared it the end of the rebellion- cause he thinks we can't do anything without him.

“He would be right,” Bon hissed, “If Rin is dead… then I don't see use in fighting anyone.”

Angel opened his mouth, looking founded- but Lightning chose then to wake up, putting up a hand to silence the room.

“We all know that Okumura is out strongest fighter… and our only chance at defeating Yukio.”

“And what do we do if he's dead?” Izumo bristled, “Just roll over and die?!”

“ _ He's alive. _ ”

It was brisk. Short. Unexpected. Nearly silent, but not a single soul in the room missed it.

It was  _ Homare _ . Who had been silent this entire time.

Everyone turned to stare at her, wide-eyed. Gasping.

“How do you-”

“I was a spy for Yukio,” she admitted quietly as if she weren’t destroying every ounce of trust they had in her. With a handful of words. Out of the blue. Every ounce of sanity, hope, whatever little remained- crushed at that single sentence. Shiemi wanted to  _ kill her _ .

Wanted to barge over and rip her throat out right there with her bare fucking hands. 

How  _ dare she- _

But then she saw her eyes.

So sincere. So deep. So  _ hateful  _ as she spat his name, “Okumura Yukio is a sick man.”

“Says you, traitor,” Izumo sneered.

“The only traitor is Okumura Yukio. He's disgusting. He's a monster. I want nothing more then to end his life,” she cursed, “coming here made me realize what I was missing in that organization. The Illuminati was righteous and swift- Yukio’s tarnished version of it is anything but. I don't’ work for that madman.”

Bon looked ready to kill her, too. But Shiemi held his arm, shaking her head.

“I trust you,” she quietly said. The rest of the room, even Homare, looked at her like she was mad. “I don’t know why, but I trust you. I…” she turned to look at her comrades, all of which were giving her disbelieving looks, “we  _ have  _ to. We have nothing  _ else  _ to trust.”

Homare looked down, “I was ready for you to kill me.”

“Trust me,” Bon grunted, “I was going to.”

“So… Rin?” Shimi asked, foolishly allowing herself to have the tiniest spark of hope in her voice.

“I can say for certain that hs alive.”

The room was silent. Perhaps they should have cheered, smiled, gawked, gasped… or even just  _ moved.  _ But instead, they were deathly silent at the now. Until Izumo barked out a laugh.

“Assuming that this isn't a trap, which I’m totally guessing it is… well,” her smile was weary and tired and crooked… but  _ there _ , “I say we go rescue our idiot.”

The good thing about silence? Nobody was objecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, did I tell you guys that Shura was dead?
> 
> ...
> 
> Oops. Must've been a typo >_> <_<


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big oof  
> Okay looks like I only have one more chapter written for this story. I'm still debating on whether or not I will continue writing it, and if I decide to discontinue the story I will at least post (what I have- it's not complete) of a story outline so that people at least know what happens. :)  
> I'll consider my options and let yall know next week. Thanks. ^^
> 
> oof  
> I just realized ch. 13 would be the last chapter, then. That's unlucky my dudes.

Yukio was, suffice to say, having a bad day. It all started out great, holding his precious Nii-san on the couch after a rigours night off… well, hanging out. His brother was snoring happily, heavily under from all his (extremely vital) medication.

Then the knock came. Shima had a slight grimace as he opened the door.

“Yes?” He asked half-hardly, distracted by this piece of hair that kept falling over Rin’s eyes… maybe it was time for a haircut? He was starting to remind Yukio of Lightning… and that want;a pleasant reminder.

Ah, wound; tit be so fun to cut his hair himself? Rin would probably like it, to…

“Sorry to disturb you, sir…” Shima quietly said, head low, eyes to the floor. Just as instructed. He made a good subordinate, despite what lack-lustre performance he had at the cram school, “we have continued attempted communications with Homare. They’re not going through… though I have the feeling he wouldn't pick up even if they did.”

“She's gone awol?” he quietly asked, rubbing the fine strands of hair between the pads of his fingers, enjoying the silky feel.

“That would be my assumption. Should I send a team?”

“No,” as much as it dampers his mood to have to set Nii-san down, Yukio did so, unwrinkling his shirt slightly as he stood. It wouldn’t do for the subordinates to see him as a mess… though, it wasn’t like they were permitted on any floor where Rin was allowed, anyways. “Homare is dangerous. I’ll attend to this myself.”

“Yourself?” Shima finally looked up. His eyes fluttering between both twins. 

Yukio regarded him silently, his brow raised. After a moment of lacklustre response, he cleared his throat, “Is that a problem?”

“No, sir,” quick to defend himself, Shima stood stalk-still, “I just assumed you wouldn't want to leave right now, but I can understand why. My apologies for questioning you.”

“You’re pardoned,” Yukio walked forward, and Shima automatically opened the door for him, allowing him passage. He stepped into his own room, the pink-haired soldier trailing behind hesitantly.

Yukio flittered through his drawers, picking out a good set of clothes of ran expedition before he settled on packing a bag. Showering could come later when Shima was dismissed.

“Get me the map of her last known location. Send out demons to scut for the remains of True Cross. And, keep an eye on Rin in my absence. I trust I don't have to tell you his rules?”

Sima bowed at his orders, already radioing it in, “Of course not, Master Yukio. I’ll keep him occupied with what you’ve lad out. Ah, but… his training?’

“Canceled. Bookwork only. His curriculum is at my desk in the library- make sure he studies it. His medications are labelled and prepped; I suspect he's been throwing it up, so make sure to accompany him to the bathroom after he takes it. Or,” he thought for a moment, moving towards his medical desk, “Better yet, give him a sedative when he takes it. If he's asleep then he can’t cough it up.”

“Of course,” Shima quietly took the orders, watching as Yukio set out some medicine for him, as well as writing a few notes on dosage and times. Not that he needed to- Shima had already been drilled on how to treat Rin, since he was Yukio’s number two in dealing with him. Fortunately. If Yukio had no one he could trust with his brother… then he wouldn't be allowed to leave like this.

“The map, sir,” a female servant bowed upon entry, holding out the parchment. Yukio to it, glazing over it quickly.

“How long should we expect you to be gone?” Shima asked.

“Three days, at most. I can't leave Nii-san too long at such a sensitive time… of course, I could always phone in orders to sedate him for days, if the mission requires it.”

“Of course.”

“Now leave. Guard for when Rin wakes. And keep him under constant surveillance. Sedate him if you see any issues.”

“Of course.”

With his subordinates gone, Yukio got to work.

  
  


Now might be a good time to finally exterminate a few pests. Then, Nii-san wouldn't have any other choice but to rely solely on him.

  
  
  


It took him a day and a half to find the location- some rotten old apartment building with flickering flashlights inside. He was huddled in his car, several buildings away, simply watching. Right now, there was a snowstorm, blowing against and rocking his vehicle, spitting snow and wind at his face despite the closed doors. 

It would be wise to go in now. He could easily light up the entire building, decimate the place. Kill everyone inside. But the thing was- he had no idea exactly  _ who  _ was inside.

There was a reason beyond Rin as to why he kept the exwires alive- and that reason went beyond just a poetically still-loyal Homare being among them.

Despite himself… well, Yukio couldn't remove himself from all his attachments. He may be a leader, in charge of taking the whole world and moulding it to his will… but he was just as emotional as the next person. Demon. Half-human. Just like his precious Nii-san, he was raised as a human for seventeen years, and he still acted like it.

There were simply certain people in his life he couldn't bear to kill. Of the four billion left alive (under his care, of course. Who knew how many rats little littered outside of his mandated wards? Not many; Yukio had a zero-tolerance philosophy) there were but three he could consider himself unwilling to kill… aside from those loyal to him, which he valued to an extent.

Those precious three, who under no circumstances were allowed to die…

_ Rin Okumura _ , his darling twin brother. The sole reason he was still alive. His saviour, his saint. The person he had killed Satan, the person he ruled the world for- so that there could be a world where he was accepted. A world he wasn’t constantly under the threat of death.

Shura Kirigakuri. Maybe the woman was distasteful, shameless… and, quite frankly, a whore… she was still his old teacher, comrade, ally… dare say it, friend. She had been true to him when no one else had been. She may be annoying- but she had a true heart, one which cared for Yukio And cared for Rin. He owed her a debt. While her lie may not be comfortable, it still existed.

Then there was Shiemi Moriyama.

The only woman he had ever been in love with. Or- girl? Well, he supposed that she was a woman now, a young woman in charge of the remnants of rebels. She was sweet and kind and nurturing. She had been Yukio’s first friend outside of his brother, his first love. Her smile, so bright like the sun. The scent of flowers that followed her. Her honesty… Shiemi, the doll she was, had never told Yukio a lie.

For that… he still loved her. Still adored her. She was such a pure soul- even now, as part of the resistance… she wasn't a fighter. He knew from Homare that she was the group's doctor and de facto leader now that Rin had disappeared. 

Even more so… Yukio had the tape of her conversation with Rin.

_ “Don’t you remember? Everyone was planning on recusing Yukio that day. You just beat us there. If you hadn't done that… then all of us would be feeling that guilt right now. _

_ And if they hadn’t come- then  _ **_I would have._ **

_ Even alone, if I had to. But… I’ve never told anyone this… _

_ I’ve always regretted that day. Not doing anything to help him.” _

He shivered in delight as her soft, but determined voice flitted through his phone, Homare had sent him the clip- and for that, he was very thankful of her.

Shiemi was so… so pure. So naive. So innocent, so loving. Even now, the woman was still so sweet to him. Loyal to him. And for that loyalty… she would be rewarded.

_ “You did the right thing. Saving Yukio was the right thing” _

Shiemi wasn’t just an emotional attachment. She was a brilliant doctor, controller of all herbs both Assiahan and Gehennan. Surely, with her help… ah, he could create the most wonderful medicine for his Nii-san. Finally, it would block out all those horrid memories!

Maybe they could even start from a clean slate. Teach Rin true values; he was Rin’s brother, lover, saint, saviour, precious one. He was the most precious being in the whole world Everything was under him- everything but Yukio. He was Yukio’s, and Yukio’s alone.

And darling Shiemi… ah, Rin could finally have another friend that he could trust. He would clean her slate, too. She would never be allowed to touch Rin in the way Yukio did… but, Yukio would be free to have her. She was pure, after all. Her presence alone wouldn't taint his brother but comfort him. Only on select occasions…

Ah, she could be his nurse. That would be perfect! There to take care of Yukio when he had his business, just like today. He would definitely prefer Shiemi with Rin than Shima… though, he would prefer neither of them.

But he had been naive. Foolish to ever think that Rin could solely depend on him. Yukio was a busy man, well respected in the world, needed. He couldn't leave his entire life for his Nii-san, no matter how important… simply, the world couldn't run perfectly with Yukio.

Shiemi was a perfect option.

  
  


He just hoped that Nii-san wouldn't be jealous that Yukio was sharing their bed with her.

  
  


He prepared a syringe and left the car. It wouldn't do to scare the poor girl, after all. He could burn the rest of them alive when she was well and done with.

  
  


* * *

Homare knew something was wrong the minute the so-called board-meeting had ended. Everyone left to different rooms in various packs- Lightning and Angel, the three girls, and Suguro went to check-in on the injured one, Koneko.

That left her alone. After all, there weren’t many people left alive outside of the territories Okumura Yukio had set up. With half of the world’s population dead, it wasn't like the needed space, and having the eternity of those loyal (or coward) to him crammed together in a few densely populated cities gave them a tight leash of the remnants of humanity.

The resistance was all but finished. She had already needed her communication with Yukio and the Illuminati (not that it was the same Illuminati as before… as Yukio truly only kept the name and uniforms for lack of creativity to make something new)m she could assume that the few other people in the rebellion who had split from the group had already been apprehended and killed.

A grim fate, but, in her opinion at least, deserving for cowards. 

But the people here? The remnants of True Cross? A mere group mostly comprised of children who were barely considered exorcists before the fall? 

Despite everything against them, she thought they were the most deserving of winning. The most likely. If, at least, the Sin of Satan was retrieved and… in fighting condition (because who knew what malevolent acts Yukio took upon him after she stopped receiving the sadist-reportings of his condition,) then Okumura Rin would be their best chance at taking Okumura Yukio down.

Really, he was their only chance. Not even The Commander nor Satan could defeat him. 

(Though, thinking back, Okumura Yukio most definitely used underhanded methods to beat them. She wasn’t sure that he had the firepower, literally, to take them down.)

They needed to get him back.

The only problem- was that she had no idea how they accomplish that. The best solution would eb for Okumura Rin to escape on his own, but judging from what reports she had heard on his condition earlier, he was falling victim to Okumura Yukio’s manipulations rather nicely. It was unlikely he will be able to even conjure the will to escape, not when he's living a life of luxury with the brother he loves dearly.

They had no choice but to go get him themselves. Homare knew the ins-and-outs of the castle quite well. Knew likely where he would be kept, Knew that Okumura Yukio was too possessive to let anyone but the Shima be around his brother, for the sake of contamination.

The Shima…

That was a possible route.

She flung her feet as a small  _ thunk  _ could be heard in the distance. Immediately, she ducked low to the wall and peeked out the side of the window as lightly as possible.

And Kamiki made things easy by choosing then to step into the room. The girl was quick-witted and used to battle- and immediately ducked down when she saw Homare’s own stance.

“Intruder?” she asked quietly, eyes narrowing on the door that led to the outside. There was a heavy blizzard outside, the wind whipping loudly and covering server sound of footsteps there may have been, and leading to poor visibility from the windows.

They were at a disadvantage.

“I only heard a small noise from outside,” Homare explained- but they both knew the silent repercussions of such a thing. There wasn’t much capable of making noise nowadays, and the two of them wouldn't bet on the noise being caused by a harmless animal.

The handful of people outside of Yukio’s territory were often hostile or insane, the unwanteds that escaped before the mass executions. And the demons? They feared the new ruler of Gehenna more than the old one- Satan never could exist inside of Assiah, after all.

“Stay alert,” the girl ordered, as if she wasn’t just some kid with the barest amount of actual military experience, as if she truly had the authority to order Homare. But Homare was both an outsider and an outed double agent, and so she had no grounds to argue her authority, no matter how experienced and old she was, “I’ll go alert the others. Keep an eye on the door. Shout if they make it inside.”

“Of course,” she answered back, slinking to a corner to keep watch on every entrance to the room- the door on the north side, followed by three different windows. She peered through them as best as she could, but the storm made it seem like nothing but a white vid lay beyond.

Kamiki scampered from the room, thankfully keeping low as she did to not be caught in the windows. Homare could hear quite chattering from the other room- just as the window to her right slid open.

And she immediately had to hold back a gasp at who she saw. Their eyes locked, and Okumura Yukio froze, seeming uncertain of her alliance.

“Homare,” was all he said, quietly, “I thought, perhaps, that you had been found out.”

Quietly, she slunk towards the door that Kamiki had left from- and closed it nearly silently. Hopefully, her backup would get the hint and stay where they were.

“Commander, she greeted him, hating the sour way the address tasted on her lips. That tit;e was reserved for Lucifer, and Lucifer alone. But, alas, Okumura Yukio had a sadistic streak- almost seeming to know she couldn't stomach calling him that and wanting her to do so anyway, “my apologies for the lack of contact… I lost my radio in the rush of escaping.”

Yukio nodded, though the suspicion never cleared from his eyes, “are we in danger?”

Her eyes flickered to the door, “they could come in at any moment.”

Yukio nodded, moving back to the outside door, “we should leave. I wish to hear your report before continuing the operation.”

He was suspicious. She half-expected him to turn his pistols on her once they left the immediate vicinity of his few-remaining enemies, and yet she followed him anyways. He could easily kill her now- burn down the entire building with her and the remnants inside… but, the fact that he deigned to sneak-in rather than light the building from the outside spoke volumes.

There was something in her that he needed in good condition, and Homare wasn't naive enough to think it was herself.

The two of them were, eloquently put, enemies now. She was only pretending to still be loyal for the sole sake of staying alive.

But… on the other hand, a new idea had just sparked in the back of her mind, and… well, it was better than any other plans of trying to sneak into the castle or attack it head on. In fact, she was almost sure this new plan was really their only hope of success… as, every other way, and their group would immediately be captured and executed for the sake of Yukio’s reign of terror.

Just like the French Revolution, she thought.

The only comforting thought she had was that Maximilien Robespierre had eventually been executed. 

  
  


They stepped outside into the frigid winds of winter. There was still the heightened danger of the exorcists coming out to fight whatever threat there was- because they were fortunate enough not to know they were all on the verge of death - and so the two of them relocated to a building two doors down. It was quiet and cold, but at least it was secluded enough that they could take a few minutes without fear of being caught.

… Not that there was any danger in that, really. Homare never held up any illusions that they could best Okumura Yukio in any sort of physical combat… especially not without the other twin here to match his firepower. 

She would need to strategize. Get him to leave, get him to think he was sparing them of his own will. Like a snake, she would poise in the grass and wait till her target was caught unaware. 

If they had no choice of downing Yukio, then they had no choice but to fool him into tripping himself.

It was their own means of survival.

Sucking in a breath, she opened her mouth.

“What are you planning on doing?”

(The snake slithered forward, searching for its own security among the roots and flowers)   


Yukio turned to look at him, a critical shine to his eyes, “this rebellion is fruitless. There's no need for me to fear them, and so I had decided to end their futile attempts altogether.”

(A predator. If the snake wasn't careful, it would be slaughtered and eaten.)

Her own brows pinched, and she feigned calculations, indifference, “I understand. But why come yourself, when I could dispatch them myself?”

(But so easily, the predator could become prey.)

Yukio froze, staring at her directly in the eye. Calculations were turning through his brain, faster than Home could hope- even if she was regaled a genius in her time. Okumura Yukio was on an entirely different level, something higher than anyone could hope.

Lucifer couldn't reach it.

Not even Satan could.

Now the only hope the world had was the older twin- the one considered worse in all aspects but morality. The one who was shamed and beaten and hated until a worse version of himself arrived. Ironic, really, that the demons they thought would end the world was, in fact, it’s own hope of salvation?

Yukio pursed his lips, “are you doubting me?”

“No,” her back went straight on command, her own lips tight and the cold air doing nothing for the drip of sweat down her neck.

How could she forget she was in a room with a monster?  
(She didn't forget. She just knew how toxic her venom could be.)

“I’m… apologies, Commander. I was just thinking of what could be most efficient and, as you say… the resistance is nothing to worry about. I never would have thought them worthy of your personal attendance, and I just… assumed I would suffice.”

Yukio tipped his chin, “They’ve become a nuisance. So much so that I wanted to deal with them personally.”

“Of course. I understand, Commander. But-”

She paused.

(Baring her fangs)

“But?” Yukio asked.

“Okumura-san, your brother, is he, ah, I didn't think he was stable enough to leave alone?”

Yukio’s head snapped. She could have sworn there was a crack- and even if there was, his body could probably heal a broken neck within minutes, anyway (not that he actually knew- Yukio had never been previously harmed enough. Perhaps the worst was after defeating Satan, but she had been attending to Lucifer at the time.)

“My brother?” he growled, eyes narrowing, “what do you know about my brother?”

“Apologies. I was simply going off of your updates.”

Yukio sighed, warm and foggy in the winter-still air of the abandoned building. She knew he was testing his flames- or perhaps reining them in. Either way, she couldn't deny that it was a good sign he wants only using them, burning the building and herself to ash.

Yet she had to ask herself why. Why bother sneaking into their base? Why bother hiding his presence? Why bother moving to another location to speak?

After all, he could destroy the whole of them within seconds. Could decimate the entire city they were hiding within a matter of minutes. 

Okumura Yukio didn't need to bother with hiding.

So, remained the question; why?

The only answer was that there was something among the exorcists that was useful, needed. There was something he needed from them intact, and alive, if that thing happened to be a person. Homare had a sinking feeling that, if it was a p[a person, it wouldn't be herself; she was expendable, replaceable.

But… she knew who wasn't.

And she didn't want to ask that girl to sacrifice herself- but the thoughts swirling through her head at the possibility of Yukio sparing her… well, it was a tempting idea.

“He is doing fine,” Yukio finally asked, tight-lipped, yet at the same time so openly willing to speak about his brother. Okumura Rin was his one weakness, after all. No matter how hard he tried to hide it.

“Of course. I would expect nothing less while he is under your care,” she forced a smile on her face, trying to remember the last time she spoke to this beats in person. She had attempted, truly, to befriend him. Just so that she could survive. Just so that Lucifer-sama had some kind of chance at survival through extension.

The man smiled lightly, whimsical at the idea of his brother. She held back a cringe, wishing for Okumura Rin’s safety among this vile creature.

“I suggest we speak about business if you don’t mind, Commander.”

“Of course not,” Yukio pushed up his glasses.

“Moriyama,” she said, pausing as Yukio’s eyes flickered, “I’m assuming you came to collect her?”

“You are correct in that assumption,” he tentatively answers, watching her like a hawk does a sneaky mouse.

“I’m sure Okumura-san would love to see her.”

Yukio let the briefest of smile slave his face once again- and, truly, Homare didn't understand how he could so easily show his weakness. Maybe it was because he gave her even the slightest amount of trust- more so than anyone else in the organization, aside from, perhaps, Shima. Or maybe he was just that love-sick for his older twin. Either way, she would wholly use it to her advantage.

“But,” Homare paused, “you wouldn't want to break her.”

“And why is that?” Yukio asked voice edged with danger.

She swallowed thickly as her blood pumped fast, completely aware of the fine line she was towing, and how easily this man could kill her. Yet, she couldn’t give in to fear. There were so few chances… so few ways in which Okumura Yukio could be defeated.

This was, perhaps, the one true way they could get to him. And she wasn't about to lose it.

“Think of your brother.”

Yukio’s breath hitched. Easy. Now that she had found his weakness it was so- so damn  _ easy  _ to get to him. Who knew the most dangerous person on the planet was such a fool? 

She stilled herself, heart still fluttering sharply in her chest, “I may not have been close to him, but during my time with his group, I have learnt many things. I know for a fact that Okumura-san wouldn’t take it well if one of his precious friends were to be injured, even just mentally. He was especially close to Moriyama-san, and would take the hit especially hard if she had become unstable under your care.”

Yukio sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “You’re right,” he admitted, for perhaps the first time in all the while she had worked under him, or even when he was still just a mere subject in Lucifer-sama’s eyes, “You’re right, and I already knew it but I let my emotions-” he cut himself off sharply, eyes flickering with flames as he glared at the window, “this is none of your business, Homare.”

Her heart stopped entirely, having beat too fast for far too long. She sucked in a breath and straighten her spine as far as it could possibly go, back aching and neck strained but the muscles too scared to relax.

“But,” he sighed, the flames dying out as a look of defeat washed over him, “You’re right. Thank you for the input, Homare. Perhaps I was foolish… you may return to your post.”

She quickly threw herself into a bow, having perfected the ninety-degree-angle that he liked so much.

“Of course, sir. Thank you for your time.”

Yukio just grunted and turned, walking out of the building and back into the storm, and when Homare knew he was gone, she left as well.

There were no attacks that night. The demons on the edges of the city seemed to dissipate, and yet none of the remnants were foolish enough to take this as a sign of relief. Especially not Homare, who knew just how close they had gotten to extinction… and how her recently formed plan had failed.

Yet, when she eyed Moriyama in the darkness of their camp, she could still see her determined expression.

Perhaps…? 


End file.
